Muddy walk: who IBU

[Ezekiela]

Background: I enjoy walking; DH not so much, he does other sports but not much since an injury some months ago.

TLDR: I think he ruined my day out by delaying our departure, wearing unsuitable shoes and cutting the walk short. He thinks I'm unreasonable for not staying on the broad smooth path that we started on and expecting him to walk on a rocky, muddy path where he might fall and aggravate his injury.

Earlier this week, we had a good weather forecast so I planned to visit a beauty spot an hour's drive away; let's say a woodland with colourful autumn leaves. Asked DH if he wanted to come on a scenic walk (answer is normally no, but I always ask.) He said yes. He asked, is there a path? I said yes, it's a popular place so there will be, but I've never been there before so can't say what it's like and given recent rain, it might be muddy.

He didn't want to set off for two hours because of something time-critical he was doing at home. Then when he was ready, I expressed my surprise that he was wearing trainers, not hiking boots. I again said it might be muddy but he replied "These are the most comfortable" so I left it.

The first part of the walk, from the car park to the woodland was on a wide, mostly flat track (suitable for wheelchairs and buggies.) At the wood itself, the path was narrower and strewn with rocks and boulders. No scrambling needed, just stepping over / around the rocks but, as expected, some areas were a bit muddy so you had to pick your way.

He was clearly unhappy, started dragging behind, said he didn't want to continue. I said "this part is the whole reason I've come here so I'm not turning back now."

At one point the path came close to a road so he said he would walk back on the road round the wood instead of through it. I knew if I stayed in the wood I wouldn't enjoy it because of worrying about him, so I also walked back on the road. Admittedly this was my choice. Then he wanted to go straight back to the car the way we had come, instead of completing the circular walk.

AIBU to feel resentful?

It does seem that the “rules” are changing here and that you need to talk about it. Does he expect you to not do the walks he’s anxious about.

I guess he didn’t mean to sabotage the walk, but given that he did anyway, having a discussion about it would be useful. It seems you definitely need to talk about expectations here.

He's not a 5 year old

Never mind paths, was there a pub involved?

There’s your main problem imho.

He's a grumpy man child, go on the walk or don't but don't ruin it for others

Is your relationship ok otherwise @Ezekiela ?

Was your worry about him about safety or him being even moodier/taking it out on you etc?

I think, all things being good otherwise it was just a case of breakdown in communication and different expectations. This can be annoying of course, but it happens and not the end of the world. Doesn't mean any of you were necessarily in the wrong or deliberately a prick.

You gave something a go, it didn't work out, and you also found out that his injury, although healed , is not completely past him.

It honestly sounds like a lot of drama from both sides.

It went something like this:

"It's a nice day so I'm going to go to X place for a scenic walk. It's a woodland with good autumn colour about an hour's drive away. Would you like to come?"

"Where is it?""

"Southwest of [city] on the edge of [national park.]"

"Is there a path?"

"It's a popular walk so there will be. I don't know exactly what it's like because I've never been, but there will be a path. Given all the recent rain, it might be muddy in places. "

Then he said yes, he'd come, but we can't set off until [time] because of what he was working on.

At departure time i said

"Oh! You're wearing trainers. It's likely to be muddy in places so I thought you'd wear walking boots."

"These are more comfortable."

Shrug

don't get some of these responses

he was being an idiot and ruined your walk - but you then martyred yourself walking along the road and also waiting 2 hours for him. Do you often pander to him to try and manage his moods?

just don't invite him next time or if there is
more going on in terms of the above then suggest you think on why you do this

It’s not about the mud, it’s about slipping and being unstable with an injury

His injury doesn't affect hiking per se (I've used an example of a broken finger upthread.)

But thank you for the perspective that the path looks slippy and treacherous to you, because that must be close to his view, whereas I think it's a really decent path.

Your walking styles and preferences are incompatible, at least for now. It sounds like you're happy and feel safe walking alone, so remember how you feel now and go on your own in future. Or work it out so you start out together and he can go read in the car or something if he doesn't want to continue.

Also, it sounds like you're trying to cater to him and then resenting it afterwards. If you ask him to come and he says "OK, but I won't be ready to leave until 2 PM", either reconcile yourself to that in order to have the company or tell him you're leaving in ten minutes and if he can't make it he can come along with you another time instead. It's not really fair to agree to wait two hours and then be angry with him because his schedule was different form yours.

This is exactly like the first path (which I would call a track) which he liked.

You may well be right!

Although previously, when we've done a pub walk, he walks as fast as he can to get there, whereas I like to stop to look at a butterfly or listen to a bird singing. I enjoy the walk for itself whereas to him, it's something you do in order to get somewhere.

This didn't have a destination, it was a circular walk for the purpose of enjoying the nice weather and the autumn colour.

YABU - I am more like your husband and if my DH made such a fuss of me not doing something I didn't want to do I would be annoyed. I have a bad back so can't do rocky terrain and I hate walking through mud

So presumably you wouldn't have gone?

But there was a path. Just not a wheelchair-friendly path.

Omg

Hiking boots give ankle support and make it less likely to roll your foot on rough ground.

By my standards that is a really good path.

How depressing that path looks! Might as well do circuits of your local park.

I didn't force him to go. In the words of the famous Mumsnet saying, it was an invitation, not a summons.

The time to decide he didn't want to do it was before we set off, not once we had arrived. I didn't do a 2-hr round trip* just to NOT see the beauty spot.

I also didn't make a fuss. He was the one making the fuss.

*It was actually well over an hour on the return because we hit rush hour traffic, because of setting off two hours late.

I don’t think the “He delayed me for two hours” narrative is fair. You asked him and he told you up front that he couldn’t come for two hours so you could have said if you had to go earlier but maybe next time.

Looking at that path I would be fine in trainers but if he’s whiny about mud then that’s annoying in anybody on a walk tbh.

If he has recently had an injury it’s fair to be cautious. I don’t know if it’s an upper body injury somewhere else or in fact a broken finger like you stated. If it’s the later it’s less reasonable but if that’s an exaggeration on your part that’s also less reasonable.

TBH I think it’s not a big issue, just a bit annoying for both but at least you know what it’s like now and have done a recce for your next walk there.

By my standards that is a really good path.

Right?! It's something one of my munro guiles would describe as clear and excellent.
From OPs DH whingeing I'd expected bog or scree.

I had an injury, popped a calf muscle, and even when I'd recovered from it, as it happened out of the blue I was worried it could happen again. I've had it happen twice in my life, once in each leg.
Dh and I went for a walk which involved a steep step section. I started to go up, but could feel my leg starting to get a bit sore so said I couldn't go any further and was worried about getting back down again, so he said that's ok. We came back down, went back to the car and went on a different walk. No one was upset with the other and we got to have our walk in the winter sunshine.