Muddy walk: who IBU

[Ezekiela]

Background: I enjoy walking; DH not so much, he does other sports but not much since an injury some months ago.

TLDR: I think he ruined my day out by delaying our departure, wearing unsuitable shoes and cutting the walk short. He thinks I'm unreasonable for not staying on the broad smooth path that we started on and expecting him to walk on a rocky, muddy path where he might fall and aggravate his injury.

Earlier this week, we had a good weather forecast so I planned to visit a beauty spot an hour's drive away; let's say a woodland with colourful autumn leaves. Asked DH if he wanted to come on a scenic walk (answer is normally no, but I always ask.) He said yes. He asked, is there a path? I said yes, it's a popular place so there will be, but I've never been there before so can't say what it's like and given recent rain, it might be muddy.

He didn't want to set off for two hours because of something time-critical he was doing at home. Then when he was ready, I expressed my surprise that he was wearing trainers, not hiking boots. I again said it might be muddy but he replied "These are the most comfortable" so I left it.

The first part of the walk, from the car park to the woodland was on a wide, mostly flat track (suitable for wheelchairs and buggies.) At the wood itself, the path was narrower and strewn with rocks and boulders. No scrambling needed, just stepping over / around the rocks but, as expected, some areas were a bit muddy so you had to pick your way.

He was clearly unhappy, started dragging behind, said he didn't want to continue. I said "this part is the whole reason I've come here so I'm not turning back now."

At one point the path came close to a road so he said he would walk back on the road round the wood instead of through it. I knew if I stayed in the wood I wouldn't enjoy it because of worrying about him, so I also walked back on the road. Admittedly this was my choice. Then he wanted to go straight back to the car the way we had come, instead of completing the circular walk.

AIBU to feel resentful?

That is a path, but it is very slippery and treacherous looking path for anyone with an injury that affects hiking.

That path does look pretty dodgy for someone carrying an injury. I certainly wouldn't dare risk it with my temperamental back.

Did you just ask him if he wanted to go for a scenic walk or did you describe the length, difficulty terrain etc. Whilst you may not have been before, you planned it so presumably had some knowledge of it and it sounds like it was not his idea of a scenic walk. I think you should have been clearer about the intended walk or picked a different walk more suited to him accompanying you.

Yanbu OP - people agreeing to do something and then being grumpy about it are annoying. Especially if their grumpiness is caused by their failure to wear the right shoes

Are you deliberately misreading my posts? The hiking boots would have stopped him fretting about getting his trainers muddy and would make him less likely to slip, so worry less about falling.

His injury has healed. Let's say it was a broken finger. It doesn't affect his ability to walk, but he was scared he might fall, put his hand down and break it again. I didn't realise at the time that this was such a fear for him.

Delaying the start is fine if you are both in agreement. You’re both fine to do whatever apart from moodiness, can’t stand a moody person. You should have continued your adventure though.

I would tell you to go on your own walks from now on the whole thing sounds like too much hard work

YABU.
He obviously wasn't that up for it in the first place. Why didn't you just go on your own? Would have saved so much agro.
Couples don't have to do absolutely everything together.

I was completely with you until this

I knew if I stayed in the wood I wouldn't enjoy it because of worrying about him

How completely pathetic. He's a grown man walking back to the car. What are you worried about happening?

She already answered this in a follow up post.

I'd be annoyed that he agreed to go, delayed setting off for two hours, wore unsuitable footwear, and then went back to the car early because of an unrelated already healed previous injury.

It's autumn, of course it's going to be muddy! We've had crazy amounts of rain in recent weeks 🙄

The OP has explained that her 'worry' was not about his safety or wellbeing. She was worried because she felt under pressure to go along with his snarky schedule. She wanted to linger and absorb, take photos and enjoy the woods. She felt that she no longer could, with torn-face and his white trainers waiting impatiently back at the car.

I didn't twist his arm to make him come with me! If he wasn't up for it, all he had to do was say "No thanks" when I asked if he wanted to join me.

In my very fit mid 20’s, we used to walk the at times very strenuous SW coastal paths. In places, some proper scrambles down to hidden beaches etc….. At the time, I had a recurring issue with a dislocating shoulder (anyone who has ever dislocated a shoulder will understand the excruciating pain involved) and it became a real issue in terms of not wanting to be anywhere an ambulance couldn’t get to me. So I can empathise with the your OH’s fear. I did do things, but was super careful. I eventually had it pinned, and to this day (touching wood) it has never come out again, but it did take me a while to get over the fear. I was honest with my OH about anywhere I didn’t want to go, I learned not to put my arm out if I fell, just smashed other bits up instead😱
Recognise his fear, build his confidence back up, and he needs to be prepared for any terrain, so hiking boots will help more than trainers on any but a pavement. Less prone to slipping, give much better ankle support. Hope you both get back out together👍

I don't think either of you is BU but clearly you need to expand your shared understanding of 'path', 'track', 'suitable for a buggy', 'suitable only for a mountain goat' etc. Though as you had no prior information it wouldn't have helped this time.

In the (unlikely?) event he wants to come again I'd consider both using Nordic walking poles - these are brilliant for exercise and even better at giving confidence on the type of path pictured. If you sell it to him as 'it will be good exercise and mean we can enjoy more time together' he might be up for giving it a go.

Eh? We regularly do parts of a long walk near us that was once a railway line, running through lovely scenery and woods. We walk on the (sandy, gravelly, maintained) path rather than delving off into the muddy and uneven woods either side, although there are paths through them.

We've not done any less of a walk for not squelching through mud or clambering up and down slopes or across boulders and fallen trees.

OP it sounds like your expectations of the walk were different, it's not a big deal. I like a walk in the fresh air too but as above, if it becomes some kind of muddy assault course then I'm tapping out (and I'm not nursing an injury like your DH is).

The thing is, an injury can be devastating and really affect our confidence. And rocks can be uneven and slippery.

How did you phrase the question? Was it do you want to come for a scenic walk or was it, I'm going on this specific walk do you want to come?

Treacherous 😂😂😂

OP, it's this kind of childish babyman behaviour that makes me happy to be currently single

Who wears trainers knowing they are going. To walk in a wooded area in October

In which case, surely you would have declined when asked if you wanted to come?

He could have said "I'm working on x at the moment which will take a couple of hours so you get off and enjoy yourself."

It's the saying he wanted to come then, when we got there, seeming determined not to enjoy it that wound me up.

Im a very reluctant walker. In my experience keen walkers often underplay terrain/conditions because ,to them, it’s fine. ‘oh just a bit of a slope’ etc. I doubt your DH was deliberately trying to sabotage things - he just wasn’t enjoying it. What’s wrong with that? You could have carried on.

Och, it clearly wasn’t that muddy or you’d have needed wellies!

Eh? We regularly do parts of a long walk near us that was once a railway line, running through lovely scenery and woods. We walk on the (sandy, gravelly, maintained) path rather than delving off into the muddy and uneven woods either side, although there are paths through them.

OP posted a picture of the offending path though. It was excellent, broad and well-maintained.

No it isn't.

@Hunglikeapolevaulter I was replying to the PP who was incredulous that anyone goes for a walk without going off the path.

'The path' and the 'The natural ground' can be the same thing, as illustrated by OP's picture actually.

I've attached a picture similar to our local walking path. Perhaps OP's DH was expecting closer to that in which case his trainers would have been fine. Either way I don't think it's a big deal, just a mismatch in expectation of a place that neither person had visited before.

No it isn't.

It is to me. I hillwalk in Scotland though.