Wibu to pull my daughter from certain classes

[PepaWepa]

My daughter's year 3. I wrote a post recently regarding ADHD.. to cut a long story short, I've been bringing ADHD up to the school since March 2022 but have been dismissed and ignored with it. At parents evening recently, looking through her books, I noticed her English book was simply full of negative, demotivating comments regarding her work. I enter the parents evening meeting, and they start by telling me how good she is at English, with reading level age of 11 and reading comprehension age of 12.
So I asked about the comments in the book, and they go on to list all the signs of ADHD for why she's not finishing her work etc etc and receiving such comments.
I haven't been able to let it go since, I'm absolutely fuming that they've let her struggle and even more so I'm devastated that my daughter is being left to feel shit at recieving such negative comments in a subject she is so highly capable at. She's so sensitive and I have noticed more recently that she gets frustrated and embarrassed now when she's not able to do something right first time. I feel like all of this has to be contributing.

I want to pull her out of her English classes until they accept and support her properly with an ADHD diagnosis.

To add as I think it's relevant, I also have suspected ADHD, and was expelled from a school age 14 following an incident in English class re me not finishing my work on time. I won't let my daughter face what I had to go through.

And to echo others, good try is a positive comment. The whole strategy at this age is to get them to continually improve

I asked why the comments were so demotivating and was told that when she's writing stories etc she gets too distracted, gets up to go and do other things, or goes 'off on a tangent' instead of following her story maps, so she finds it hard to sit and write what's required in English as a subject as compared to other subjects.

I get that you were shocked by the discrepancy between what you were told verbally and the comments you saw written in her books I think that might just be the way things are done in English primary schools these days. She must be only 7, yet there’s no celebration of what she is achieving; always next steps! Disconcerting for a parent but it’s probably her normal, so she won’t be upset the way you are. The other children’s books probably look much the same.

What’s she like in all other writing lessons? Eg topic work.

Is she easily distracted?
Gets up and wanders off?
Does she follow her plan or go or on a tangent?

I can’t imagine she only has ‘adhd’ traits between 9-10am in English lessons. What are you going to do to mitigate the problem in all of her other lessons?

I also wonder, as you say that you weren't at school in the UK, whether you just have different expectations about how school operates.

Everything you've said seems pretty normal for a UK primary school

Hi OP, I hope you are getting all the helpful things posters have written here. It's a bit of a mixed bag for sure.
I can tell you are frustrated. But even with a diagnosis for Asd/Adhd and an EHCP your daughter will still need to do the work herself. Some posters here have outlined techniques you could work on at home with her.
In the end your daughter has to learn how to be happy and successful as she is, no diagnosis, no extra support can be a substitute for self reliance and resilience.
Also my advice, and I work in a secondary school, is that brain breaks and lesson breaks or whatever are often suggested by adults who don't work in school. I have never seen them work in secondary school. I have seen some children arrive from primary schools absolutely convinced they are stupid and have serious mental health problems because adults have made them take these weird walks or breaks that "normal" kids don't need.
One of the ways we practice inclusion is to treat all year 7 the same in this matter, and expect them to remain in class. No child ever asks for a break unprompted. Those who struggle with being distracted definitely shouldn't be removed from a lesson to miss actual teaching and learning to have a sanctioned session of distraction!
Don't wait for diagnosis, help your daughter by going over some of the excellent techniques previous posters have outlined. And make sure you are also focused on her development in other areas other non school experiences and interests are so important. Read Percy Jackson with her, Percy has dyslexia and ADHD and kept getting into trouble in school, and he saves the world.

So you speak to her about this I hope? That she needs to sit down and stay focussed?

Help her at home. Are you on half term this week? Get her to start by writing a sentence for each of this week's spellings as a PP suggested.

Can you model good behaviour? Sit down with her whilst she is doing her work - help her if necessary and don't get up and walk off half way through?

It wasn't built for the new estate, it was an already existing school that now has all of the new kids attending too.

I will speak to the school. I haven't previously tried to fight them, just speak to them. I now feel like I have to fight as they've now admitted my concerns are valid while not previously taking them on board to the point she now struggles because of them.

Small village school doing its best.
The comments in her workbook are intended to give her something to improve on. Good try is a fairly uninformative comment, but it's not negative!
You know she needs to work on her handwriting, and you know the school is struggling to fit handwriting into the school day. So that is something you can help her with at home, a couple of short sessions each week. Ask the school how they teach it and get one of those books with the lines dotted in. Ten to fifteen minutes is plenty.
When she gets a diagnosis the school will be able to help her more. Her teachers may then get some specific training. The amount of training on specific special needs during initial teacher training is pitifully small, and school budgets are stretched to breaking point.
So ask the school how you can help, instead of threatening to remove your child from core lessons. Because honestly, on the information you've given here, they aren't doing much wrong.

Which means they’re never quite good enough. However much they do improve over the years. Which of course they will because they’re only 7 at the moment.

So you speak to her about this I hope? That she needs to sit down and stay focussed?

A lot easier said than done. It's really difficult to get her to do that and it drives me insane at home. One of the reasons I'm so frustrated with the school is that I've brought this up with the school before and they've never told me she's like it in school too until now.

I do work with her on her schoolwork etc at home, although admittedly I also find it a struggle to sit and stay focussed without getting up etc. I also have ADHD so I know and understand it's not that easy. That's all I want from them, some understanding.

Why don't you offer to be the TA for that lesson rather than remove her.? If you are going to supervise her, do it in the classroom

You have decided she has adhd.
You have decided her enush work is poor because of this self diagnosed condition.
Now you are deciding to pull her out of her lesson.
You have decided you don't care what the school say.
You have moved house during the referral and now are not currently pursuing a referral.

Sorry but you seem to be part of the problem.

The school will not allow you to do what you have planned. You need to start listening to others rather than basing your response on the fact that you were excluded from school after an 'incident'

After eight pages and no actual examples of these allegedly demotivating comments (except in the most general terms), despite many requests, I’m not convinced the situation is entirely as depicted by the OP.

I didn't know that was possible.

"Senco have now referred her"

What..in the 2 hours since you started this thread?

Or since you realised the questions and answers you were getting did not support your narrative?

Handwriting practice doesn't just take play in a handwriting book. Every time your dd writes is a chance to practise her handwriting.

well if you can't get her to sit down at home for long then it's hardly surprising that she's not doing it at school. I'm afraid I think you're going to need to work on her concentration span at home.

Is she full of energy? Have you tried getting her to use a lot of her energy in sports and then sit down to work?

How much screen time does she get?

I started a thread days ago in which I mentioned she's been referred now.

I'm not asking anyone to 'support my narrative'. In fact I've agreed with the general consensus here, answering questions along the way.

By the way there is no chance the OP will be allowed to be her dd ta in her class. Zero chance.

A lot easier said than done. It's really difficult to get her to do that and it drives me insane at home. One of the reasons I'm so frustrated with the school is that I've brought this up with the school before and they've never told me she's like it in school too until now.

OP I empathise with you as one of mine is ADHD and cannot sit still/ stay focused and that has been his feedback all through primary so far. To an extent we just have to accept that a school environment is unnatural for young children, even more so when you add AHDH to the mix, and homeschool might be an alternative way of catering specifically for their needs.

But perhaps the school don't see it as a huge issue because they are mitigating against it and still managing to help her learn. What would you like the school to do about her lack of focus? Have you asked them how they deal with that? Maybe they let her move around and recognise her need to not be still in one place for a long time. If they allow a bit of flexibility/ don't see it as a major cause for concern, it might not be a live issue, but something to keep an eye on.

The school is convenient for you logistically, so you have to decide what is the most important factor for you.

I don’t think that offering to be a TA is a plan. TAs can be people who have children at the school, but they have applied for a vacancy, been interviewed and have the necessary checks in place. I doubt you have a DBS certificate for the school.

Try working with them and if you don’t feel it’s helping, look for a different school.

TBH you sound absolutely nuts and one of the reasons I left teaching.
There is no way I would have let you come and spend any time in my classroom.

I don't know how feasible it is, but I just wanted to support you in the fact that if she has ADHD lots of negativity is really unhealthy for her emotional development. Children with ADHD are constantly getting picked up on their struggles, it is well documented the impact this has on their self-esteem, confidence and then ability to overcome their challenges. We have to really carefully manage my son thinking about how to pull him up on behaviour or support him in school because it needs to be more carrot than stick, his last teacher completely got that and it was amazing the difference in him in the time he was with her.

I don't know what to suggest OP, but I will say we moved schools because I was so dissatisfied with how his previous teacher was dealing with him, it was the best thing we've done and he's thrived since (getting the diagnosis formally because the new school supported).

*Why don't you offer to be the TA for that lesson rather than remove her.? If you are going to supervise her, do it in the classroom

I didn't know that was possible.*

It definitely isn't possible.

There is absolutely no way that the school would allow a parent who is trying to withdraw their child from a lesson because of negative comments in a book to come in and 'be the TA for that lesson'.

That wouldn’t be in any school I have worked in.