Three's a crowd

[Threesacrowd12]

What would you do.

Free music event in town. Going with another couple. We are all in our 50's.

Mentioned in passing to elderly mother, plans for the weekend. Said she might go with her friend. No problem

Next time we speak, wants to know what time we are going, mentions her friend not available and it suddenly dawns on me she thinks she is meeting us there.

Nearly eighty, no mobility so has a stroller, needs to sit away from music, lots of demands.

Try explaining that we are going with another couple, gets shitty about not supporting her.

Don't feel comfortable about mum tagging along, husband says he isn't going, changes the dynamics of the group (only 4 of us) and I can't see the other couple being too pleased about me bringing my mum (one of them knows her, the partner doesn't)

Apart from not going I see no other option

Fuss about nothing then 😁

I apologise. I was thinking of my own situation which wasn't so good.

🙂👍🏻

Sounds like it worked out ok. You're allowed to have boundaries op.

@Boxblue

"Do you not include disabled peole your own agbecuaause it takes a bit of effort to accommodate their needs too?"

As the mother of a disabled adult son, your comment is crass to say the least. Everyone is entitled to do things independently sometimes, especially if that particular event or activity is quite unsuitable for the disabled person. In fact, everyone is entitled to do things independently from family or close friends whether they're disabled or not. I have a very limited social life but I do go out sometimes without my son and enjoy things that he couldn't do. Do you think I shouldn't? Do you have someone disabled in your life? The OP is very close to her mum and spends a lot of time with her, she has also helped to care for her disabled sister. She sounds like a good daughter. Why the fuck should she take her elderly mother to a pre-arranged night out with friends that is clearly unsuitable for her, a different age dynamic and to which she wasn't invited. Crack on with your moral highground, hope it makes you feel superior.

I wouldnt take here. This is your time out with your friends.

What does that have to do with OP and her mum?

Does she have to do whatever she asks because one day she'll miss her?

Oh go away. OP resolved her problem on Saturday.

Not everyone has a wonderful mother daughter relationship

I would point out that a) you had told her that you had arranged to go with the other couple and she knew this, and b) the point of you guys going was to enjoy the music, and c) she had decided she was going with her friend…. It is unreasonable to expect you to change your plans, your friend’s plans and the entire purpose of the outing to accommodate her like this.

But OP has clearly said her Mother is a serial complainer; having her there definitely isn't going to be fun.

Maybe keep plans to yourself going forward that you wish to enjoy alone.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to bring your mother to some events.

Why is there so much emotional blackmail attached to the elderly parents? Everyone will die one day. Why is it OPS responsibility to spend their entire time ensuring memories are made but they can't do what they enjoy themselves for a change without an elderly parent being involved?

Why do people seem to assume the OP doesn't want the DM there because she is disabled? Being elderly and disabled does not give her the right to intrude on OPs social life with her DH and friends uninvited.

I would take her, regardless of her demands. At that age, it might brighten her day, bring her joy to go with you, it might be her last concert, you never know.

Although it might be annoying to take her, I would try to be a bit more empathetic and not worry what others think. It’s one day/night.

On that basis OP should take her everywhere she goes. Just in case in last experience of it!

She may live for many years yet, no one knows.

But its really not necessary to take her everywhere just in case she dies soon. It's not healthy or normal to do things just in case someone might die soon because they are elderly. Nor is it always necessary to say yes to everything they want.

Not everyone has the perfect relationship with their parents either.

I know what you’re saying, but it doesn’t have to be every single time, no one is saying that. I’m just saying if you were in the elderly mothers shoes and were hoping to go, but your friend dropped out for whatever reason and your daughter was going, wouldn’t it be reasonable to hope that you could go together.

Yes the relationship might not be great, but a little empathy can go along way. I can’t imagine it’s easy being that age and having mobility issues. It’s the little things that can bring elderly people joy. No one wants to become somebody else’s burden.