9 year old served ‘birthday drinks’ at sleepover

[Calpi]

My daughter recently attended a birthday sleepover. The girls are 9 years old which I thought was slightly on the young side so I was a little hesitant but agreed.

I have just seen some pictures and I really am not happy. The girls were given ‘birthday drinks’. They were only squash and obviously no alcohol was used but they were served in actual plastic flutes. The drink was bright pink with fizzy sweets in the glass but I’m not happy.

The mum in question parents very differently. Her 9 year old gets bought VERY expensive skincare products. And her daughter acts like a
full on teen - we’re talking crop tops, Stanley cups, skincare, TikTok dances, eyeshadow etc. I have been in the girl’s bedroom and she has a dressing table completely covered in drunk elephant etc. The mum is into that overconsumption stuff she sees online. Fine, parent how you want but I want my daughter to have a childhood and to not be adultified.

AIBU in thinking this was massively inappropriate? Why couldn’t they have just made milkshakes or smoothies? Or an ice cream sundae?

Eight year olds don’t need skincare surely.

I'm really uncomfortable with this idea that children have to be kept super young indefinitely. I'm all for age appropriate activities and behaviours etc, but trying to act like they're a totally different species until some unspecified age does not, in my opinion, actually set them up very well for the necessary transition from childhood to adulthood.

Surely showing that you can have a good time and have fancy drinks without needing alcohol is a good message.

Honestly it sounds like you are just worried that your DD is growing up and aware that she’s going to be out in the world soon and there will be pressure to grow up too fast. That’s fair enough, but you are projecting it onto fancy glasses for a child’s birthday celebration. Really adults are the ones making cocktails look like kids drinks! What child doesn’t see a cocktail umbrella and want one in their drink? This is not a big deal, your DD will have friends who will do things you don’t like. I had a totally irresponsible hypersexualised friend at 13 and I just spent my teens looking after her making sure she didn’t get herself in trouble. Not the best friendship but she certainly didn’t influence me. If you’ve raised your daughter to know her own mind you’ll be fine.

“Deviant” 😂😂😂. Brilliant!!

You don't like this mother. You don't like how she parents.

She's probably not keen on you either.

You are looking for a problem where none exists.

But they were birthday drinks so not sure why you have a problem with them being called exactly what they are.

Agree with PP. I think you don’t like the family so you’re looking for a reason to criticise

I must be a really bad parent because I served squash in shot glasses at a sleepover.

My my dd was 11 I took her to TGI for her birthday and she was delighted to try a mocktail.

Most children enjoy pretending to be adult and using a cocktail glass (something that would be seen in movies and tv suitable for kids) to serve squash is harmless.

I think the crop tops and expensive skin cream is OTT for a nine year old, but I'm 50 and we used to pretend to have "grown up" drinks even in my time ( think Ribena in a wine glass).

I think that's a very innocent pleasure

Christ, I bet you’re fun at parties 🤣

DD made mocktails at brownies, am sure it's fine

You let her drink actual alcohol? And yet you’re upset about the shape of a glass and a colourful drink?

You give your 9 year old sips of wine but disagree with giving squash in a fancy glass?

Haha this has to be a wind up.

I get what you r saying, but it's a one off party! I bet your DD loved it, and you can use it as a way to talk about alcohol etc.. with your kids if you like. Personally, I'd just see this as a fun experience, a one off that is hardly going to turn your child into a future alcoholic. It's a v v small part of her whole life, and I'm sure it was super fun! 👍

Like PP said, if you really want to overthink the subtle messages then - it teaches her that having non alcoholic drinks in fun glasses can be fun, and alcohol isn't necessary to have a good time! just some pink, some nice glasses and some good company!!..

can you remember being 9?
I can't get worked up about anything you've described.

3 adult DC, all virtually teetotal (e.g. a sip for a toast at a wedding) and have no interest in alcohol. I always had a bottle of non-alcoholic fizz to celebrate with (I'm teetotal too) alongside champagne for any special event. This cannot be real.

I'm a grown up. I don't drink. I like to drink a posh mocktail in a posh glass with fruit and a fancy umbrella.

Not sure how a specific style of glass and an umbrella does anything more than make the girls feel like it's a special occasion. Nothing to do with alcohol.

It's threads like this that make me want to stop the world and get off.

Are you on glue?!

This CANNOT BE REAL!!!

If it is- don't be so pathetic

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I partially get where the OP is coming from.

Sleepovers at age 9 absolutely normal, and healthy. Squash pretending to be cocktails - quite sweet.

However the whole skincare/tiktok/branded products stuff is, for me, very naff. The DD will probably pouting for selfies wearing virtually nothing by the time she's 11. It just depresses me that girls are still being raised to aspire to be objects of glamour for whom appearance and owning all the latest designer stuff is everything. But OP, it's just another way of parenting and you can just be relieved it's not yours. I don't think your DD will be harmed by it. Your DD is likely to absorb your values and the friendship will probably just fade away naturally as they enter their tweens and teens.

Out of interest, when you let her have sips of wine what sort of glass is the wine in? A sippy cup? I hope you didn't let her drink out of a wine glass.

I once put a drop of different food colourings in the bottom of glasses and, in front of DD's friends, filled the glasses up with lemonade. They still remember thinking I could do magic 20 years later....

Her values such a giving a 9 year old wine. No moral high ground for the op there.

Yawn. What actual parent is upset about a fake drink but gives their own child 'sips of wine.' Sure you do love, sure you do.

High end skin care with anti ageing ingredients?

I couldn’t get worked up about this no matter how hard I tried.

my grandma used to let me have my vimto in a wine glass, and I’m pleased to say I still had a very wonderful childhood and drank alcohol at the appropriate age.