Page 15 | 9 year old served ‘birthday drinks’ at sleepover

Calpi · 2024-10-25T09:37:55+00:00

My daughter recently attended a birthday sleepover. The girls are 9 years old which I thought was slightly on the young side so I was a little hesitant but agreed. I have just seen some pictures and I really am not happy. The girls were given ‘birthday drinks’. They were only squash and obviously no alcohol was used but they were served in actual plastic flutes. The drink was bright pink with fizzy sweets in the glass but I’m not happy. The mum in question parents very differently. Her 9 year old gets bought VERY expensive skincare products. And her daughter acts like a full on teen - we’re talking crop tops, Stanley cups, skincare, TikTok dances, eyeshadow etc. I have been in the girl’s bedroom and she has a dressing table completely covered in drunk elephant etc. The mum is into that overconsumption stuff she sees online. Fine, parent how you want but I want my daughter to have a childhood and to not be adultified. AIBU in thinking this was massively inappropriate? Why couldn’t they have just made milkshakes or smoothies? Or an ice cream sundae?

BibbityBobbityToo · 25/10/2024 12:32

Have you already signed her up for the local convent?

pinkpjamas1 · 25/10/2024 12:32

OneTC · 25/10/2024 10:42

Ideally birthdays though, otherwise it's a bit weird

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😂😂😂

ChampaignSupernova · 25/10/2024 12:33

Sweets in squash is no more harmful than marshmallows on a hot chocolate. I think it's safe to say this isn't going to be the start of them cracking open prosecco 🙄

PointsSouth · 25/10/2024 12:33

MerryGrimaceShake · 25/10/2024 11:18

I know a lot of people are jumping on you OP but as an alcoholic in recovery this is the kind of normalization of alcohol that I saw as a child.

Mocktails in wine glasses, a few sips of wine here and there, watching Dad have a "small" drink every night and more on the weekend and every single event including my own birthdays through my whole childhood and those of my siblings, baby showers and other events where alcohol was totally inappropriate, had alcohol heavily involved.

Face masks, make-up, nails and other stuff, totally fine. But alcohol or "pretend alcohol" is where I draw a hard line too. People who "arent uptight" don't experience the world in the same way as someone who is aware of the massive issues and impact alcohol can have on someone and the normalisation of heavy drinking and drinking culture starts in childhood. There is no reason to associate a mixed soft drink with alcohol at a child centered party.

I'm glad you're in recovery. That's a hard road.

And when one's starting the journey to quit, one looks back to understand what happened in the past to get you that point. If you do that, you'll of course interpret the past through that lens.

But it's unlikely that alcohol-free mocktails as a child were a significant cause of your alcoholism, because so many people aren't effected that way by that experience. Lots of people do it. Very few of them become dependent on alcohol.

As I expect you know, it's pretty intrinsic to the understanding of addicition that practically any stimulus can appear to be the vital component. But actually, as addicts have to face, it's the internal rather than the external that drives addiction.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 25/10/2024 12:33

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 25/10/2024 12:29

Me too.

OP is either a massive hypocrite or just taking the piss, sips of wine are fine for 9 year olds, but she draws the line at mocktails 🤣.

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Pipsquiggle · 25/10/2024 12:33

I remember having shloer in a champagne glass when I was younger than 9 - I loved it!

rosesaredeadvioletsaretoo · 25/10/2024 12:33

REP22 · 25/10/2024 12:29

I am going to get a complete pasting, which I understand, but I agree with you @Calpi. The normalising of alcohol from such a young age and the dismissal and laughing reactions to your concerns are typical of why this is a problem.

Would the reactions on this thread be the same if the birthday pictures had been of the little girls holding rolled-up banknotes or straws to their nostrils, posing and pretending to snort lines of strawberry Nesquik, I wonder? Because alcohol, whilst not being illegal, is still a powerful and destructive drug. Possibly worse, because it is acceptable, 'fun' and creeps up on us in an insidious way.

Alcohol does make us have more fun, lots of times. Until it doesn't. And so, by definition, the ones having the most drink should be having the most fun, shouldn't they? - But look at the average city centre high street at 3am on a Sunday. People stumbling about, puking and p-ss-ng in doorways in states of undress, getting into fights with bouncers and rozzers and their mates trying to haul them away, girls sobbing after pointless arguments looking for a lift home that may or may not be in a registered taxi. Most people can enjoy a few drinks and then stop. Brilliant. But the actual facts of the harm caused by drinking, the burden to society, the NHS and the despair and broken relationships that lie behind the sparkly gateway are grim and getting worse. I know someone who was screamed at for saying "no thanks" to a cocktail at a birthday party, with everyone else piling on and telling them they were 'no fun', 'hysterical' and 'they'd ruined the party for everyone'. It was a party to celebrate a 3 year old's birthday.

The MN Health section has an Alcohol Support category. That runs to nearly 39 pages of individual threads - around 1,950 separate threads asking for help and advice with problem drinking. The category for all other addictions combined (gambling, junk food, shopping, drugs, plus others) runs to only 12 pages of individual threads. That's no coincidence.

Normalising drinking for small children - and pouring mockery, derision and unkindness on people like the OP here who are brave enough to voice a concern - is problematic and very sad to see.

I doubt anyone will look at this. But I share it here anyway. The reality of the end | Mumsnet. We all start with one single sip.

You can hate me and laugh at me for posting what I have said. That's OK. I won't ever hate you back.

Sorry - did you read OP’s updates? OP gives her daughter actual wine! 😂

EasternEcho · 25/10/2024 12:34

Etina · 25/10/2024 12:31

Very, very obviously, no. Otherwise it would be a different thread entirely, wouldn't it?

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Why don't you give us your meaningful take on this subject? Merely policing other posts isn't very helpful either.

HolyPeaches · 25/10/2024 12:34

Calpi · 25/10/2024 10:41

It’s the concept of birthday drinks and the fact they simulated cocktails. There is all the time in the world for birthday drinks.

Lol. Me and my friends get our kids mocktails in restaurants when we go out to eat. Our kids are younger than 9.

I’ll expect a visit from the police.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 25/10/2024 12:35

REP22 · 25/10/2024 12:29

I am going to get a complete pasting, which I understand, but I agree with you @Calpi. The normalising of alcohol from such a young age and the dismissal and laughing reactions to your concerns are typical of why this is a problem.

Would the reactions on this thread be the same if the birthday pictures had been of the little girls holding rolled-up banknotes or straws to their nostrils, posing and pretending to snort lines of strawberry Nesquik, I wonder? Because alcohol, whilst not being illegal, is still a powerful and destructive drug. Possibly worse, because it is acceptable, 'fun' and creeps up on us in an insidious way.

Alcohol does make us have more fun, lots of times. Until it doesn't. And so, by definition, the ones having the most drink should be having the most fun, shouldn't they? - But look at the average city centre high street at 3am on a Sunday. People stumbling about, puking and p-ss-ng in doorways in states of undress, getting into fights with bouncers and rozzers and their mates trying to haul them away, girls sobbing after pointless arguments looking for a lift home that may or may not be in a registered taxi. Most people can enjoy a few drinks and then stop. Brilliant. But the actual facts of the harm caused by drinking, the burden to society, the NHS and the despair and broken relationships that lie behind the sparkly gateway are grim and getting worse. I know someone who was screamed at for saying "no thanks" to a cocktail at a birthday party, with everyone else piling on and telling them they were 'no fun', 'hysterical' and 'they'd ruined the party for everyone'. It was a party to celebrate a 3 year old's birthday.

The MN Health section has an Alcohol Support category. That runs to nearly 39 pages of individual threads - around 1,950 separate threads asking for help and advice with problem drinking. The category for all other addictions combined (gambling, junk food, shopping, drugs, plus others) runs to only 12 pages of individual threads. That's no coincidence.

Normalising drinking for small children - and pouring mockery, derision and unkindness on people like the OP here who are brave enough to voice a concern - is problematic and very sad to see.

I doubt anyone will look at this. But I share it here anyway. The reality of the end | Mumsnet. We all start with one single sip.

You can hate me and laugh at me for posting what I have said. That's OK. I won't ever hate you back.

Did you miss the post where OP thinks it's fine to give her 9 year old sips of wine? The OP isnt bravely raising concerns she a raging hypocrite who thinks it's ok to give sips of alcohol to a 9 year old.

fiveflyingfish · 25/10/2024 12:35

Pluvia · 25/10/2024 11:58

fiveflyingfish
Yeah it’s much better to actually serve your nine-year old real alcohol.

Sometimes I wonder whether people realise that their stupid knee-jerk remarks are here for all the world to see for ever.

Only someone seriously deranged would suggest serving nine-year-olds alcohol. Even in jest, if that's what your post aspires to be.

Perhaps you should read OP’s posts before before calling people stupid @Pluvia.

Yes, it appears some people are seriously deranged and do serve their child alcohol when they ask.

TeenLifeMum · 25/10/2024 12:36

Oh dear, dtds were drinking water from champagne flutes on Christmas Eve at 3 years old and had sleep overs from age 6. Sounds normal and fun to me. Dtds have no interest in alcohol now at 13yo so I don’t think it did any damage.

IceCreamCookies · 25/10/2024 12:37

Lmao soft drinks in cute little glasses with fizzy sweets are bad but you let her actually sip your alcohol..
The hypocrite in this one.

Investinmyself · 25/10/2024 12:38

There’s a massive range in tween girls. Some are into phones/tik tok but lots aren’t. Some of my guides were chatting about favourite authors on a coach trip recently. Your dc will gravitate to who she enjoys spending time with.
Yr7 onwards is hard as you don’t know other kids or mums.
I think you either say ok go and don’t criticise or if you have concerns say no to party.
As long as it’s in range of norm I think you have to accept that all people are different. What they do at a party is different to normal that’s what makes it fun - I did a chocolate fountain/pop with umbrellas when dc was 9 - they wore onesies and had a sleepover.

RosieFlamingo · 25/10/2024 12:38

You would hate dc school then, they serve fizzy flavoured water in plastic flutes to celebrate end of Sat's and at their end of school party.

loulouljh · 25/10/2024 12:38

This is mad..thought it was going to say they had champagne or something...best keep your child away from sleepovers if you are this precious...

RPH2023 · 25/10/2024 12:39

@Calpi

I think you lost any moral high ground OP when you casually mentioned in a later post that your 9 year old has sips of wine from your glass… This woman didn’t give your child alcohol, but YOU have.
You have more of an issue with drinks being presented as alcohol than her actually drinking it.
The teenage years could be long for you if you’re wound up over this and she’s only 9.

RolaColaLola · 25/10/2024 12:39

I think it’s a bit tacky but I couldn’t get this worked up over it.

Bearbookagainandagain · 25/10/2024 12:39

It's a one-off, chill. Your daughter isn't going to fall under the "overconsumption" spell because she had squash in a plastic flute once in her life.

It's actually quite good she gets to experience other lifestyles given the upright righteous example she has at home...

LuckySantangelo35 · 25/10/2024 12:39

You sound very judgmental OP

Violinist64 · 25/10/2024 12:40

I was a strict parent, but I see no problem with this at all. In fact, I think it's rather a nice idea. Children have enjoyed playing at being adults since the dawn of time and this was a very safe way in which to do so. I bet they all felt really special and will probably always remember this particular sleepover.

ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat · 25/10/2024 12:40

MrsMurphyIWish · 25/10/2024 11:04

I remember being served a “snowball” at a party when I was 8. I thought I was so elegant.

(Realises that posters under 40 will not even know what one is!)

Same. And Babycham in a champagne saucer.

#Posh

KimFan · 25/10/2024 12:40

Get a grip.

Etina · 25/10/2024 12:40

EasternEcho · 25/10/2024 12:34

Why don't you give us your meaningful take on this subject? Merely policing other posts isn't very helpful either.

Show quote history

An opinion on thread behaviour isn't 'policing other posts,' but whatever.

I'll wait until a few more posters arrive to engage properly and the pile on subsides a bit. It usually does at some point.

fiveflyingfish · 25/10/2024 12:41

REP22 · 25/10/2024 12:29

I am going to get a complete pasting, which I understand, but I agree with you @Calpi. The normalising of alcohol from such a young age and the dismissal and laughing reactions to your concerns are typical of why this is a problem.

Would the reactions on this thread be the same if the birthday pictures had been of the little girls holding rolled-up banknotes or straws to their nostrils, posing and pretending to snort lines of strawberry Nesquik, I wonder? Because alcohol, whilst not being illegal, is still a powerful and destructive drug. Possibly worse, because it is acceptable, 'fun' and creeps up on us in an insidious way.

Alcohol does make us have more fun, lots of times. Until it doesn't. And so, by definition, the ones having the most drink should be having the most fun, shouldn't they? - But look at the average city centre high street at 3am on a Sunday. People stumbling about, puking and p-ss-ng in doorways in states of undress, getting into fights with bouncers and rozzers and their mates trying to haul them away, girls sobbing after pointless arguments looking for a lift home that may or may not be in a registered taxi. Most people can enjoy a few drinks and then stop. Brilliant. But the actual facts of the harm caused by drinking, the burden to society, the NHS and the despair and broken relationships that lie behind the sparkly gateway are grim and getting worse. I know someone who was screamed at for saying "no thanks" to a cocktail at a birthday party, with everyone else piling on and telling them they were 'no fun', 'hysterical' and 'they'd ruined the party for everyone'. It was a party to celebrate a 3 year old's birthday.

The MN Health section has an Alcohol Support category. That runs to nearly 39 pages of individual threads - around 1,950 separate threads asking for help and advice with problem drinking. The category for all other addictions combined (gambling, junk food, shopping, drugs, plus others) runs to only 12 pages of individual threads. That's no coincidence.

Normalising drinking for small children - and pouring mockery, derision and unkindness on people like the OP here who are brave enough to voice a concern - is problematic and very sad to see.

I doubt anyone will look at this. But I share it here anyway. The reality of the end | Mumsnet. We all start with one single sip.

You can hate me and laugh at me for posting what I have said. That's OK. I won't ever hate you back.

Another one who hasn’t read OP’s posts.

We all start with one single sip.

Yup, OP’s 9-year old has already started.

You can hate me and laugh at me for posting what I have said. That's OK. I won't ever hate you back.

A bit dramatic for a chat forum?