9 year old served ‘birthday drinks’ at sleepover

[Calpi]

My daughter recently attended a birthday sleepover. The girls are 9 years old which I thought was slightly on the young side so I was a little hesitant but agreed.

I have just seen some pictures and I really am not happy. The girls were given ‘birthday drinks’. They were only squash and obviously no alcohol was used but they were served in actual plastic flutes. The drink was bright pink with fizzy sweets in the glass but I’m not happy.

The mum in question parents very differently. Her 9 year old gets bought VERY expensive skincare products. And her daughter acts like a
full on teen - we’re talking crop tops, Stanley cups, skincare, TikTok dances, eyeshadow etc. I have been in the girl’s bedroom and she has a dressing table completely covered in drunk elephant etc. The mum is into that overconsumption stuff she sees online. Fine, parent how you want but I want my daughter to have a childhood and to not be adultified.

AIBU in thinking this was massively inappropriate? Why couldn’t they have just made milkshakes or smoothies? Or an ice cream sundae?

From age 7, I used to go around sneakily swigging the remnants of G&T glasses left at my granny’s garden parties (she was posh like that 😂) It certainly didn’t turn me into a raging alcoholic. In fact it’s embarrassing the lack of alcohol I consume at middle age 😆

Not Stanley cups?! The horror!

My daughter is 4 and I have referred to drinks as cocktails if we are out for dinner and the adults are having an actual cocktail 🫣 it makes her feel special and involved, I’ve really never seen an issue with it?!

it sounds like you just don’t like the mum for different reasons, the makeup, access to social media and inappropriate clothing are surely different and separate issues to kids enjoying a sociable treat on their birthday / other special occasion?

Why do you let your nine year old have wine?

Bloody hell. That's worse than bloody make up.

I regularly drink soft drinks from wine glasses and gin glasses. I like the feel of holding them but don’t drink much alcohol so I don’t actually associate alcohol with the glass shape, and my dc know this as they will often get me a glass of water in a wine glass while I dish up dinner.

as the parent of teens, I feel I need to warn you, alcohol isn’t the biggest worry.

Wait, what? From your tone I thought you were going to say the mum spiked the drinks!

I’m not at all into overconsumption and my preteens are not allowed phones or social media at all, but I see nothing wrong with a fun drink in a fun cup. YABU.

You are 100% going to end up soffocating your daughter and she’ll end up acting out because of how oppressive you are. It’s literally a bit of fun? Not really hugely different to little girls dressing up and putting on makeup like mummy.

As you’ve said you can choose not to parent the same way and indulge your DD in expensive skin care, thats fine, but you can’t expect other parents to not, whats the other option? You stop your DD from having friends or going to any parties with normal activities because you don’t like it? You’ll end up isolating her.

My DC have had "Christmas drinks" in a wine glass since they were old enough to drink sensibly from a wine glass. It's just the sparkly J2o.

They are 20 and 18 now and neither have any interest in alcohol at all.

It wouldn’t bother me personally - it might not be what I’d do but I don’t think it was inappropriate.

@rosesaredeadvioletsaretoo and @EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness yes, I saw those posts. That is different to the suggestion that alcoholic cocktails are an essential ingredient to a night's entertainment or experience, and that their absence means that something is lacking. And that they are happy sparkles without consequences.

But I am no judge. Only someone who enjoyed too many parties, perhaps.

It isn’t to my taste but the mum did nothing wrong. She literally gave them juice in a cup and you’re whinging.

When I was a kid I used to love drinking out of those 1950s style bubble champagne glasses. It was only lemonade but it made me feel cool. I don’t even drink alcohol as an adult so it didn’t do me any harm. I honestly thought you were going to say she was given actual alcohol.

Thankfully your dd has a more down to earth upbringing so I don’t really think this one off will have any lasting impression on her. It was just a bit of fun.

THIS! You let your child drink actual alcohol but don’t want her drinking some squash in a fun cup? What 😂😂😂

They were drinks on her birthday - they literally are ‘birthday drinks’. You might have an inappropriate connotation to this but that’s you.
Also, it’s one day. Your daughter won’t start mixing her own cosmos and getting drunk just because she has some juice in a cocktail glass at a birthday party.
Also, I think letting your 9 year old have wine is way worse…. Maybe this girl’s mum judges you for that…

I remember when my daughter was small and we had the occasional treat in an M and S café. She thought she was very grown up because she was allowed a babychino.

Were they even referred to as birthday drinks in person, or was that the instagram hashtag?
What would have led your child to think of that as referring particularly to adults going to a bar to drink alcohol to celebrate as opposed to "fancy drinks for a birthday" e.g.: birthday cake = fancy cake for a birthday, birthday party = fancy activity for a birthday, birthday napkins = fancy napkins for a birthday etc etc.

Q. Which is better: juice in a champagne flute, or champagne in a sippy cup?

It sounds like you just posted this because you wanted to sneer at how another woman chooses to raise her child and thought MNet would agree.

Yes, childhood totally destroyed...🙄

I'm late in and probably been said, but you let your 8 year old drink actual alcohol but object to cocktails?

That is odd and no way should a 9 year old be trying sips of wine!

But it's ok for you to let your child sip wine?

While I don't have the same style choices as that girl's mum, when my DD was younger I'd make up a little basket hamper for their midnight sleepover snack and include plastic wine flutes and sparkling grape juice -which they adored! sorry not sorry.

My 10 year old likes drinking squash out of a wine glass. Says it's "fancy". When my cashmere jumper shrunk in the wash she claimed it and every time she wears it she says she feels "fancy". She takes her Harrods tote bag to dance class because it is "fancy". The kids were just being "fancy" at a celebration. Let it go. You're daughter will.not thank you for making a big deal out of this. We can't control our children's exposure to how other people live, all you can do is parent them the way you want to and give them lots of love and safety and keep your fingers crossed they turn out alright.

Oh god I've done this since my girls were about 6. Never occurred to me to ask the parents.

Jeeze OP chill a bit! We used to buy the fake kids champagne for birthdays and Christmas and serve it in fancy glasses. It's no biggie! Wait till she's 15 and smuggling vodka out to parties 😁