Would you stay with a man who punched a door

[latenitewine]

As title says - would you stay with a man who punched a door and split the wood in anger?

No

no

No. Not under any circumstances.

Was it a one off after 10 years of otherwise sane behaviour and they came to their embarrassed senses and will never do it again? Is it a new guy you’re seeing and he’s done this? Does he have form for violence?

Why was he angry?

No. Made that mistake once before (I was young and naive before I had discovered MN). He went on to strangle and bite me. Leave now.

No absolutely not.

Damage like that is the first thing police and SS look for when visiting a home with domestic violence.

What relevance does that have?

No

What difference does it make? 😳

Absolutely not. Your next question on here could be ' Would you stay with a man who had just punched your face ' .
Give your head a wobble before he does.

No. I’m only interested in men who respect me.

100% no it will just get worse walk away

No. Would never stay with a man who couldn’t control himself to that extent.

I think it was my fault. We’ve been fighting a lot lately - I lost my job in September and he thinks he’s taken on everything in our lives since. It’s been a lot, I’ve been struggling. Tonight I was trying to put some dinner portions in the freezer and he told me off for using two freezer bags instead of one and then I told him to stop criticising me, which has been constant lately. I raised my voice, he shouted and punched the door multiple times until the wood split.

We have had rows like this in the past although not for a long time. But tonight I just feel - what’s the point. He’s lost respect for me and I don’t know if I want to live with an angry man in my house. I think a lot is my fault - I antagonise and get irritated too - but I don’t physically damage our house.

No - not a man...

Or a woman...

First it's a door -""I only did it because I was angry/drunk/you drove me to it ( insert excuse)"

Next it's your arm - "I only did it because I was angry/drunk/you drove me to it (insert excuse)"

Next it's your face - "I only did it because..."

Get the drift?

My immediate response is no, absolutely not. But in reality it depends on so many factors, the prelude to the incident and the response after.
I would always trust my gut with something like this tough. If you feel unsafe, leave.

Just read your update.
Kick him out. Now.

I agree, it depends on factors. And I’ve said that before a lot. And I’m not perfect - I can say horrible things. But I thought we were beyond that kind of arguing - had been for a few years.

I don’t feel unsafe, I just feel dead. When I saw the door had split, I felt like something in me broke.

I don't think you can take responsibility for another adult's reaction OP.

Unless you picked up the door and hammered it onto his fist, he is responsible!

If his boss irritated him, would he smash the door at work?
Why would he control his anger at work but not when with you?

Yeah, I wouldn’t stick around. I was only asking as intrigued. Think the fact he’s taking it out on furniture over something so trivial as freezer bags is a big red flag. I also wouldn’t put yourself down either, his anger outbursts have nothing to do with you and he should seek help. You are a lot better off without the fear of dealing with that, and the danger of “what’s next” Hope you’re ok and you stay safe 💙

No, and he did it multiple times so not just a weird split second funny turn. He wanted you to know your place.

Same here, pretty much. Didn't bite me but gave me some injuries over the years and the strangulation nearly killed me. This was long before I knew they damage things to show what they can do to you.

I'm not against punching/breaking things to vent some anger. That's why people go to boxing gyms to give punchbags a good workout. Some people keep old crockery for smashing. The difference is that this takes a little time and planning, meaning you've got to acknowledge your anger and make a decision to vent it safely. People punch walls & doors on impulse, explosively, destructively. They are not safe to be with.

After seeing the reason why, no I would not stay with him. It’s not your fault and I hope you can leave safely x

No.
I watched a TV show called Maid recently. He was abusive but the main character denied it because he only ever hit the wall, not her.