Would you stay with a man who punched a door

[latenitewine]

As title says - would you stay with a man who punched a door and split the wood in anger?

No.

You're doing the classic thing of blaming yourself for his actions.

I'm sure he is difficult to live with too (he sounds awful) but you haven't punched a door or otherwise damaged your home in anger have you?

My daughter was in an abusive relationship that progressed slowly. It was mainly emotional abuse but her ex also punched a door during an argument, which scared her as she was hiding inside the room at the time to get away from his shouting insults at her. We also knew that he smashed a mirror in anger in front of his previous girlfriend.

It's a pattern and I was relieved the relationship ended before things got any worse. As someone else pointed out, they don't behave this way at work or to other people, only their partner.

What could he possibly have to be so stressed about if there are no kids and you are still contributing financially?! Not that it would be ok if this wasn't the case but seriously?! What's he going to do when times actually get tough?

No i wouldn't stay with aman who can not control his temper and behaves in a intimidating manner

He has a temper and he always has done but it’s only with me.
your question shouldnt be would people stay with a man, but rather should you stay with this man. Quite simply, no.

get any job for now while there are temp jobs. Try to save some redundancy for staring your career search again after Christmas. He doesn't get a veto

Dearest OP. Get out ASAP.
When he did this, he was NOT punching the door. In his head, he was punching your face in. Please understand this. He was not angry at the door. It was thoroughly intended to be a personal physical threat to bring you under control whilst allowing him plausible deniability that was what it was. He was intending it to terrify you and for you to remember it. You know how everyone always talks about "walking on eggshells" in abusive relationships? Well this is one of the big ones when it comes to what starts that off or keeps it going. You remembering what that looked like is meant, by him, to lead to you questioning yourself to see if he will approve of your actions prior to everything you do or say thereafter.

He was saying, look what I can do to you if you don't behave in a way that please me.

He punched it repeatedly till it broke.
It was not one angry punch.
It was a demonstration.

I've overexplained it on purpose because this is serious.

RUN.

@latenitewine ........ listen to what @TrixieLouBelle says. Every word of it, but especially this:

It was thoroughly intended to be a personal physical threat to bring you under control whilst allowing him plausible deniability that was what it was. He was intending it to terrify you and for you to remember it.

You are not to blame for ANY of this. Please get out while you can!

No. He sounds like a loser

No. Violent men escalate.

No. My trust in him would be gone. I would be living on egg shells for the rest of my time with him. I would not want to live my life like that.

You say you’ve been ‘difficult to live with’.

Your partner also sounds difficult to live with. But you haven’t gone around punching walls.

Violence isn’t an inevitable, involuntary response to frustration.

You’re allowed to have low moods and bad patches - as we all do - without fear of violence.

This isn’t your fault. You don’t need to live with this.

No

I agree with the poster who says first it's the door , then your arm, then your face.
I had it happen to me first it was the door, then some other bits of furniture, then the car then, it started to be me.
It's the first sign, even if you've been together a while.
Please start making plans to leave.
You seem to be blaming yourself, why should you losing your job, and you told him off for critising you be enough for him to punch the door until it splits?

Come on, this is not a normal way to behave.It's not exceptable behaviour.
Please don't excuse his behaviour.
I know lot's of people on here tell women to leave very quickly but this sounds unexceptable behaviour to me.Has he apologised? Or did he blame you?
Don't put up with this.

Never.

I watched a video on Instagram of a little girl aged maybe 3 running away crying after her dad accidentally hit his bald head on her mouth. She ran away crying looking terrified - it was touted as being funny but 2 things stood out to me. One was he didn’t check she was ok he actually looked annoyed. The second was in the background there was a hole from a punched door. That little girl is frightened of the violent man she lives with. Never put that on anyone if you can help it

Dh broke his hand punching the floor once early in our marriage, but he was angry at "life", not at me.

I think it frightened him tbh, and there was no repeat in 30 years.

No and it's not your fault

Yes, I did marry a man who punched a door.
In context, an absolute arsehole was groping me when we were out, I told him to stop, my then boyfriend (now husband) told him to stop, the guy hit my now husband, who then saw red but wouldn't hurt a fly, so he punched a door to release the anger rather than punch the person.

Like one poster on here mentioned, try and get yourself any job if it's hard to get a job in your field at the moment.You are less vulnerable if you are earning your own money.
If you need to leave at some point it's easier.
Does he try to isolate you from family or friends?

Depends. My dad had terrible anger issues, and would hit things (he once broke a laptop in rage). It had its roots in pain and low self-esteem stemming from a miserable, loveless childhood. But he never hit me or my brother, even when my brother was an obnoxious, sulky teen.

I did. I was sat the other side of it holding it shut. 6 months pregnant at the time. I had years of verbal, financial and emotional abuse. A little physical abuse towards the end. I should have walked away at that moment but didn't.

No. I did once for a year longer, it only got worse.

Do you think you and your brother and your mother should have witnessed that though amdnshould your mother have put up with it?

Ive not read any of the replies, or the drip feed which i am sure is in there somewhere but my answer is.. it depends on why they punched a door?

We all get frustrated and angry, and all those women out there who say 'oh no, not i' well you're talking rubbish. There are many times in my live when all i've wanted to do is hurl something or smash something out of frustration and fear.. does that make me a bad person? nope.. so the same i feel does apply to men.

Men are allowed to show fear, and frustration and anger! they are allowed to let out those feelings, the issue is how they do it!

Obviously its not ok for anyone to hit, punch or put anyone in fear for their own safety, be that man or woman

I would and did, but that's because he's my DH of many, many years and he punched/flicked a wall once in frustration at something (not me). He broke 2 fingers and was entirely embarrassed at being such a twit immediately after contact. That was 15 years ago and no hint of violence in any other circumstance. Believe me, I would NEVER put up with a violent man.

If you feel dead and broken inside then it's time to end the relationship before you're actually physically broken or dead.