Nursery asking me to collect when my DS is not sick

[DDragon]

I know this has been raised before but I'm feeling a little stressed.

My 18 month old DS started nursery last month.

He picked up a cold first week (had a high temperature) so needed to be collected and I had to take 3 days off work to look after him. Which work were understanding of.

He had what turned out to be a throat infection last week so was off another handful of days. Also understandable and work made accommodations.

I received a call today saying that my DS was very upset and nothing they could do would settle him. The nursery asked me to collect him, I've pushed back and asked them to see how he does til after lunch but I have work that's been pushed back from last week that I cannot move.

I appreciate when they are sick there's not much I can do. I just feel like I don't want to set a precedent to both my DS and the nursery that if he's not sick but unsettled that I can drop everything to collect him.

And perhaps…small children sometimes get tired? There is a difference between being a bit dozy and unresponsive. Their behavior is disgusting, and if you underperformed at your night shift the following day, that is on them and their dramatic antics (I just hope you weren’t performing surgery)

Exactly! Although I read it wrong and thought you said my behaviour was disgusting 🫣

And no wasn't surgery but security during covid and I was pregnant (early so didn't know yet)

I honestly couldn't believe it. But my youngest goes there now and we've only had 1 snippy tone when they phoned me at 3.10pm saying she hadn't been picked up but we were stuck on a bus and I'd been trying to call them but no one answered.

Hahahaha no, you did good.

I think ours was a little scared of me. I left it crystal clear from the start that we would only be picking up in a genuine emergency or actual illness, not vague and lame shenanigans. Only got called twice (and they were both genuine sickness calls which of course we didn’t mind).

Reminds me of a time when the oldest got a hold of my strawberry lip balm and decided to eat the tube so next day obviously runny nappies so they were going on about 48hrs blah blah until I burst out laughing and said what she did.

Her keyworker was lovely though and that's why I wanted my youngest to go there even though I didn't like the nursery itself but scary headteacher has gone and 3yo has same key worker as oldest. They couldn't believe it when she went in as they last saw her when she was 6 weeks old on the oldest last day.

Has he settled in well?

My friends nursery would phone her to collect by 11 if her son still hadn’t settled, they said that they didn’t have the ratios to be giving him constant 1 - 1 attention when he was upset. My daughters nursery just get on with it, quite often see a newer and younger child in the workers arms while they are tending to the other toddlers.

Only complaint I have had with our nursery is their definition of loose poos vs mine. Especially when she started DD was still BF a lot and was a reluctant eater so her poos weren’t solid enough for them.

Surely though being tearful when they aren't usually could very well be the only sign the child is unwell? They presumably can't say they are in pain, and not all illness involves fever or D+V!

this is why I stay home with children for the first five… I just could not cope with this kind of stress

Had exactly the same nonsense with our nursery, constant calls over ‘loose’ bowels… which are associated with his teething as he’s never got a temp or has any vomiting etc,
I had to get tough and say no in the end, I spoke with the manager and asked for photographs of these ‘loose stools’. I know yours can’t be photographed but maybe do it this time but if it continues email them and ask for a management plan, that way least you’ve put it in writing.

This! My goodness I'd hate the thought if my child being upset & unsettled. I've told them never hesitate to ring me. I had to bring my child home today after being off all week with hand foot & mouth. She didn't seem.too bad when we first got home but now has a temperature & sore throat. At least she can tell me now. An 18 month old may not be able to. I also work full time. Work are understanding. If not theyd have to suck it up or id change jobs. My child comes first. Gosh what if it turned out to be something serious

I’m sorry but there is no evidence to suggest that starting nursery at at age 9-12 months is best for children - quite the opposite!
Not mum shaming at all. If people have to go to work, then they have to go to work… but evidence suggests that children do better when growing up with a stay at home parent, not being left in nursery from 9 months old.

I’m not seeing a lot of grasp of reality here.

There’s a lot of ‘your child comes first, end of’ that appears to be quite at odds with the reality that work pays for the roof over the child’s head.

I don’t think any nurseries give calpol now. Too much liability and imagining trying to manage the dosages of however many kids go there over cold and flu season. 😅

Oh come on! Of course they do! Ours is very sensible and will give calpol when needed and reasonable. UK is not US thank heavens.

You’re not getting my point at all.

Nursery are under no obligation to look after our sick children. If they contact you, the parent, and tell you to collect - they’re not asking, they’re telling. They are not your child’s guardians. And if you refuse, they can and will report you to social services/the police.

OP’s situation is different in that they asked if she wanted to collect and there was no obvious illness, in which case I agree I’d have seen how he got on over the next couple of hours, but the way it initially came across was that nursery told her to come collect and she was wondering if she could refuse. The obvious answer to that is no, you absolutely can’t.

When my DC was small, I would tell my DH to take days off because as a woman taking family days off would affect my job more.
He would do it as he liked being at home.

Don’t be daft!

Calpol won’t hurt …
I was always so reluctant to give calpol and the doctor told me that as long as you don’t exceed the recommended dose it does no harm whatsoever!

Our first month or so at nursery I felt like I was paying for DD not to be there as she caught one thing after another and was barely there, Chickenpox, colds etc. I wondered why i was paying to then have to take time off work as well. However, the upside is that by the time they start school they are immune to most things and rarely have a day off, especially compared to the kids that didn't go to nursery or preschool.

The evidence is mixed. It certainly isn't all negative, especially when outcomes in the future are looked at such as girls of working mothers are less likely to experience poverty as adults.

It means you need to pick him and take him to the pediatrician!

We sat on a waiting list for 10 months to see a paediatrician... I don't think she'll want him off nursery that long 😆

Lucky you to not be desperately needing that wage in order to live, nor have DWP "workcoaches" to answer to also who would likely sanction you.... completely ignoring the fact there are plenty of employers out there still who would not look kindly on any absences

@Anothercoffeeafter3
Yoi would dose up with ibuprofen & calpol before sending them in???!!! This is disgusting. Anyone who would do such a thing needs social services calling to them.

I can relate OP. I think daycare does this when they are short-staffed.

I am not to sharing any medical information or updates like this again with daycare. In my case, DD recovered from a gastro outbreak at their centre, but they pretended she still had symptoms. I was silly to say that we had all caught the bug.

It puts it in their mind to watch out for the ‘sensitive’ child and they’ll use that to send them home if they are short-staffed or the kid has a day where they are just more cranky or sensitive, because they’re a kid and sometimes they have these
kinds of days (maybe teething or something else going on).

That is my plan, keep quiet on any absences and unless medicine must be dispensed.