Nursery asking me to collect when my DS is not sick

[DDragon]

I know this has been raised before but I'm feeling a little stressed.

My 18 month old DS started nursery last month.

He picked up a cold first week (had a high temperature) so needed to be collected and I had to take 3 days off work to look after him. Which work were understanding of.

He had what turned out to be a throat infection last week so was off another handful of days. Also understandable and work made accommodations.

I received a call today saying that my DS was very upset and nothing they could do would settle him. The nursery asked me to collect him, I've pushed back and asked them to see how he does til after lunch but I have work that's been pushed back from last week that I cannot move.

I appreciate when they are sick there's not much I can do. I just feel like I don't want to set a precedent to both my DS and the nursery that if he's not sick but unsettled that I can drop everything to collect him.

It is very common in the UK for children to go to nursery from 9-12months if not earlier. There’s evidence to suggest that leaving it later is more unsettling. The longer a woman is out of the workplace the harder it gets. Mum guilt is horrible so why people are unreasonably adding to that I don’t know. I’m quite recent to mumsnet & it isn’t as supported as I’d hoped.

It is bad timing, granted - with hubbies new job etc - but you seem to have made this thread expecting people to agree that it is OK to leave a child who in all likelihood is still unwell if cannot be settled

It is not OK to leave him there OP.

No character assasination with that though, you do what you will - but if you have time to be on mumsnet during your working day, theres a chance they wont even notice you have gone

Yep, agree. Mine both went at 9 months and were really settled!

Can you share a link to the evidence you mentioned? (I am interested in this topic as I have a toddler and I am having a hard time deciding what's the best).

I feel for you OP, it’s really hard. I think you’re right to suggest they give it a bit longer. Of course in an ideal world we’d rush to our kids as soon as they were a bit miserable, but in reality most of us can’t afford to not work.

Sorry I don’t have links to any formal research but from my experience there’s pros and cons of starting early or leaving it till later. I was just trying to suggest some balance and counter the argument that someone put saying it was too early to send a child. I know many children who started nursery before 18months that have turned out well but I appreciate that’s a small sample size!

I don’t think that some people on Mumsnet have any understanding of the problems of working parents.

It’s different as OP has clarified nursery has asked whether she’d like to collect early, but if a nursery phones and tells you to come collect your child, you go collect your child.

Some of these responses are baffling. Nurseries aren’t paid parents - they don’t assume any parental responsibility for your child, and if you refuse to collect an ill child they will absolutely call social services and report potential abandonment.

I think most people here ARE working parents, it’s just the reality is, they’re our children, not nurseries.

Exactly. Less children and more of a home based environment but with more variety going out to places.

the early years are shit. mine picked up every bug known to mankind. Can the dad step in? I lost a job because DC had frequent mid ear infection with high fever. If your child doesn't settle despite usually liking nursery, then I would get them. Speak to work how you can best come to an agreement if this carries in. Autumn/winter are coming so I would be prepared for more disruption.

Again thank you for all the messages.

I've just picked him up as early as I could from nursery and he was absolutely fine. He was having an afternoon snack when I got there and he didn't want to go home til he finished it!

I appreciate I wasn't clear with the original post. DS was not ill or sick. He had just got used to being at home for a few days with the infection and didn't like the change.

If they had said that he was sick, I would have gone to get him.

I was just asking if it was reasonable to see how he faired after a couple more hours to see if they could settle him. They were fine with this. I just felt guilty for not being able to drop everything for my boy.

Not surprised tbh it's none of your business why their husband etc hasn't taken their turn.

Tbh I'm surprised re: their policy over calpol op. In ds nursery if he seemed unwell they would have phoned and asked consent to administer calpol and then waited a little to see if things settled. To me that was important because i worked over an hour away and wouldn't have wanted ds left that long without calpol if he had a temp or seemed poorly. It might be worth looking other places nearby if they're not going to provide that care?

On a quick side note.

Please think about the person who you are taking time to reply to. We're real people. Throwing names and accusations around at others is not okay.

Making a presumption that my husband is not worried about my son is not okay.

Telling people that they are putting their career over their children is not okay.

However, to everyone who has been constructive or supportive. I appreciate your messages.

Agree with you OP.
I make it crystal clear. I (or DH) will pick up if SICK. Upset, needy, clingy - nope. Kids have days like that, sometimes for no reason and as you say, they are usually distracted by a game, snack, nap etc.

Ahhh no, I completely get it! I had a similar call last week. Sometimes you just have to accept that today wasn't their day. It's not fair to all involved but unfortunately just happens to be one of those things. It's annoying but can't be helped.

Well I'd be thinking the same as you. Is he really ill? Are you just after an easy life? How much am I paying you???
But then in your shoes I would also be feeling stressed, run-ragged, unsupported , unsympathetic and not thinking straight. Welcome to motherhood!

This.

I was always told that DH couldn't take time off ( which he was rarely asked to do ) and looking back I should have simply insisted. He could easily have worked round it and left early if he just told them there was no other option, but tbf his bosses were still living in the 1950s.

I’d ask them to only ring if he’s actually unwell or so upset that picking him up is the only option. It just isn’t fair otherwise.

CBA with nurseries, could you switch over to nanny at some point, they are better at dealing with sick children. Can do a nanny share to keep costs down. Alternatively you could use an ad hoc nanny from Bubble or something for when this happens. They could do the pick up or look after them while you wfh.

I don’t know why you’re telling me, my children are many, many years older than nursery age!

I had 2 nursery workers turn up at my door when I nightshift saying my daughter was extremely ill and I had to go get her immediately and why wasn't i answering my phone. I had told them the day before I was on nights so to phone dh. They didn't. Just tried me twice then coming to the door.

When dh got there as he'd came to door as well and left with them so I could go back to bed for next shift she was perfectly fine and had just been sleeping as she was tired.

You are joking (well I know you're not). Have they NOTHING better to do than leave the site and bang on doors? Taking staff away from caring for the kids FFS. Sorry but that was NOT an emergency, they just wanted your child off their hands. An EMERGENCY would merit an ambulance.
I would be furious.

It was a nursery connected to a school so it was the head teacher and another member of staff. The head teacher also scared my daughter so much she started wetting the bed. She was 4 with undiagnosed adhd etc. Infact she's nearly 8 and still waiting.

Also my daughters are like me, if they are feeling at all under the weather they sleep. So I do think there was something but she was fine going in in the morning then she fell asleep.