DH: don't ever, ever, ever ask me that again.

[Limemouse]

If my DH doesn't pick up when I phone will always ask him, 'why didn't you pick up,' when he answers the second time or when he phones me back.
I admit I will always ask him and will always reply with either I didn't hear or I was busy.

Last week I asked him the same question and he told me I was annoying him with such infantile questions and it was better I never phone him again if I was going to ask that question again

i think he is being unreasonable. It's a standard question to ask.

I'm certainly not glued to my phone 24/7. I expect your H isn't either.

No, it isn't a standard question to ask. Why do you need to know? In his shoes by now I'd be coming up with ever more dramatic list of reasons why I didn't pick up to emphasise how tedious the question is - including things like "I was in the middle of an orgy", "I was saving someone's life", "I was busy telling Taylor Swift that she couldn't have my body", "I was being held at gunpoint", "Rachel Reeves was drinking in my views on the economy". "I was trapped in a blazing building", "I was telling Trump to fuck right off", "I was with the King".

I think the problem is that, while people would cut OP a lot of slack if her approach was something like "I just didn't realise, is it really that annoying? If so I'll stop." But her approach was that what she was doing was entirely normal and her husband was being utterly unreasonable. She asked for people's views on that, and they are entitled to give them.

Exactly haha soon stop asking why.

I have never asked this question! It would be extremely annoying to be asked repeatedly.

I do think your husband overreacted. But that is an incredibly annoying question. My bf often asks mundane questions that he feels they show an interest and I feel like I need to explain myself all the time.

My dh asked why there was a cuddly dog on the sofa the other day and my brain couldn't comprehend what he meant.

He didn't actually want to know why there was a cuddly dog on the

sofa, he meant that there should not be a cuddly dog on the sofa. Which was irritating.

Just say what you mean.

That you expect him to always be available to you no matter what. Then he can make some decisions.

Team husband.

You are his wife, not his boss or parent. Sounds like a very controlling thing to keep asking. I would not like it if my husband kept asking that. Clearly I was in the middle of something or didn’t notice my phone was ringing.

I don't think I could handle the insecurity behind your repeated question. Or maybe it's being demanding or controlling. Whatever. It would actually push me to never ever pick up the phone when you call. Nobody has to pick up a phone when it rings. As Stephen Fry said, ringing cellphones are like little children demanding you speak to them RIGHT NOW. Fuck that.

Agree.

Asking someone “why didn’t you pick up” when they’re calling you back and when they miss the first call but pick up on the second every time is a bit rude imo. Most people tend to apologise for missing calls without someone asking them why they missed it in the first place.

Barring an emergency, it is unnecessary.

It’s a really inane question to ask. What on earth do you think he’s going to say that would be of any value to you?

He's allowed to not be surgically attached to his phone or have it next to him on loud at all times. Leave him alone. If my husband asked me that all the time I would be angry.

OP won't come back

This would absolutely piss me off.

There are two answers here -

• He was unable to (busy, not near phone, didn't hear it, didn't get back in time).
• He didn't want to.

Tactfully, you probably don't want to know about the latter, and the former is a moot point really, he was unable to, but you're talking to him now.

My sister does this - she is obviously aware I use a wheelchair, I can't always move quickly and I don't take my phone upstairs if I go to the loo up there as I don't have any spare hands, or pockets.

And yet if I don't answer my mobile she will ring the landline (where honestly if I could answer the landline, I'd have answered the mobile already!), and she will KEEP ringing even though it is quite obvious I am unable to answer the phone or do not want to answer the phone.

When I do finally ring her back she will usually have forgotten what she wanted, but burning with curiousity to know what I was doing (taking a shit, asleep, at work, watching a film.. the range of answers is pretty small!)

You know it annoys him, don't do it. The fact it wouldn't annoy you is completely irrelevant.

My wife does this. Or if I pick up the second time, she'll say something like "oh, so you've finally decided to answer your phone?" Or sometimes she'll text me a row of question marks.

If you want him to be afraid of you, if you want him to always feel vaguely guilty, then carry on as you are.

Maybe let him know that's what the plan is, though.

Wow this sounds like my friend’s husband, he rings her at least every lunchtime from work and is massively needy about it. He wanted her to get an Apple Watch so she would never miss any of his calls. For obvious reasons, she says she is never getting one 😂

Why does she do it? Does she think you are having an affair? Because I could manage an affair while answering my phone if I wanted to.

He doesn't have to account for every minute he's away from you. You sound very childish and insecure. If I was you, I would listen to what he said.

Love it, more and more outlandish reasons. 😁

It's a standard question to ask

It really really isn’t .

He’s not a child ffs. If anyone questioned why I didn’t answer the phone every time they called they’d get a pretty short two word answer beginning and ending with F

If he doesn't pick up what do you do? I wait for them to ring me back. They don't always, I don't leave a message because they never listen to it, it's really annoying but that's life. I suck it up because there are more important things to worry about.

Aaaargh - so passive aggressive.

I have friends who do this - makes me want to block them.

That's irrelevant, it bothers him and you know it.

It is not a normal question. It's bloody obvious that he didn't pick up because he was busy or didn't hear his phone. It's not only irritating but it's actually really controlling. By asking, you are implying that he should always answer the phone to you and/or that you don't trust him. He does not need to account for his whereabouts every minute of the day. You may not mean it like that, but it is very much how it comes across.

I am assuming that you are lonely or very insecure but if I were your DH I don't think I'd ever answer the phone to you again. It'll be driving him round the bend!

God my OH does this he calls , I miss it so I call him back he goes I've been trying to call you. Every single time. Im like yea I know that's why I'm calling you back?? Drives me mad