DH: don't ever, ever, ever ask me that again.

[Limemouse]

If my DH doesn't pick up when I phone will always ask him, 'why didn't you pick up,' when he answers the second time or when he phones me back.
I admit I will always ask him and will always reply with either I didn't hear or I was busy.

Last week I asked him the same question and he told me I was annoying him with such infantile questions and it was better I never phone him again if I was going to ask that question again

i think he is being unreasonable. It's a standard question to ask.

I would be soooooo annoyed if someone asked me why I didn't answer them. That is such a controlling, passive-aggressive question.

YABU.

Unless you have continual dire emergencies, why are you calling him that often?! Seems absolutely ludicrous to me. And I'm on DH's side, I'd be annoyed too, because you sound mistrustful, to say the least. If I need to speak to my DH I message him and ask him to ring me when he can. He drives for a living and obviously can't answer the phone whilst driving.

What in the world? No one owes you an explanation as to why they've chosen not to pick up the phone.

And you'd 'just want to know."

It's not anyone's business.

This is suffocating would drive me beyond insane. Do you probe him on other things as well?

But it really really bothers him, and you insist on doing it? Why?

I must say, that being made accountable to someone in such a manner, as if they are my boss, would fairly quickly be relationship ending. And your husband is letting you know that’s how he feels too.

Argh that would drive me absolutely bonkers.
It’s starting every conversation with an interrogation, asking for him to account for himself.
It would annoy me being asked even just the once, and being asked it EVERY time would grate on me massively and put me instantly in a mood with you.
You need to stop this right away!

It would still be bloody annoying.

I couldn't bear that. Mind your own business. If he was held up with something interesting, he'll tell you about it himself.

It might not the first time, or the second. But I'm pretty sure that most people would get really fed up answering the same question time and time again. You can take it as read that he either didn't hear it or he was busy. Why do you need to know which one?

But she does it every time.
Not just a one off or now and then. I'm sure we all do it now and then. But every time?
Needy and /or controlling

I don't think it's nosy to ask someone you live with, or have a close personal relationship with, what they are doing in their day.

If I never asked my OH any questions ever about their live they'd think I wasn't interested and find it really rude.

I think your attitude is really weird.

I voted YANBU just cos your husband sounds rude.

Like, I'm not suggesting that I'd ask this question of random people I didn't know. But people that I do know, why shouldn't I be interested in what they're doing?

I'm not saying they "or me an explanation" but I'd find it weird that someone I knew would be offended by me asking them an innocent question.

Like, if you met someone for drinks to catch-up, asking them "what's going on in your life?" is busy an obvious question. Asking a similar question related to the time you phoned is not bizarrely intrusive. It's just part of making conversation and being interested in the person you're talking to.

I thought his reaction sounded extreme. But if you do that every time it probably seems like you are checking up on him.

But every call?
If my husband doesn’t pick up I send a text with info or with “just saying hi” so he knows it isn’t urgent. If he told me he’d be back from work at 10 (office job but 1-2 late nights a week) and I call at 1015 I might ask. If he ignores the 1015 call and text, and I don’t hear from him by 11 I’m blowing up his phone and he apologizes for worrying me. (I need an update before I sleep so I don’t worry - but “work went nuts I could be here past 2” in a text is enough of an update for me to sleep.

If it’s daytime YABU.

I think there are certain things in this world that are individual to us that are irrationally irritating and I think you've found his

I think his reaction was extreme because he's more than fed up of fielding the same damn question every time.

It would make me not want to ring back, or to answer the phone ever.

It's okay if you don't have the same sense of annoyance about it as he does, and it's okay if you don't really understand why he does feel annoyed, but the healthy and respectful thing to have done before now would be to have stopped asking him the damn question that you know drives him up the wall.

OP you would get a sarcastic answer of me everytime!!!!

Sorry I was screaming in the cistine chapel what did you want?

It’s controlling and out of line to demand to know why. Different if you had arranged to call at a certain time and he hadn’t been able to but … every single time??

The answer, op, is that he doesn’t live at your beck and call. Sometimes he may go to the loo. Sometimes he may be away from his phone. Sometimes … shock, horror… he may be speaking to someone else.

If you have reason to feel suspicious of his whereabouts raise it directly. I can’t help but feel that’s what underlies this.

I don’t think I have ever asked my other half why he did not pick up, I am more interested in speaking to him about the reason I called.
I have asked my ds son that when he stayed out after 1pm and did not answer my calls 3 times.
I would say back off OP, don’t smother him.

This would drive my absolutely insane. It's about as irritating as when my husband used to ask "why? every single time I asked him to change a nappy.

If you can't answer 'why' you constantly ask him that even though he's asked you not too then you already know you are being unreasonable.

It's extremely needy and embarrassing, but carry on if it makes you happy, as that is obviously all that matters.

Why do you even need to call him so often that this is a problem? I probably call my husband 3 times in a month? Otherwise just message in future so he can reply in his own time.

I think you need therapy for being a suffocating, needy individual. I wouldn't want you as a partner.