Ex trying to reclaim money from child

[Preeel]

18 months ago my ex went back to university to train to be a teacher. During that time period, he was technically ‘unemployed’ (he did receive a grant, but that’s irrelevant in CMS’ view). As such, the child maintenance calculator reduced his payment to £0. His father, my child’s grandfather, then got involved and said he would continue to pay £50 a week in maintenance on behalf of his son as it wasn’t right that our child wasn’t supported. This money was paid via the grandfather to my ex, then he would transfer it to me.

My ex is finally employed and the maintenance calculator has said he needs to pay £100 a week. However, my ex is now claiming that the CMS should subtract all of the money that his father paid over the 18 months, therefore reducing his sum of £100 a week. It’s almost £4,000. I disagree as this was never the agreement, and I was never told that essentially I would need to pay this money back. It was a gentleman’s agreement if you like between the three of us to make sure our child continued to be supported.

AIBU or has my ex got a case to claim this money back?

They probably will. They should only really use the actual amount of the voluntary payments since September. So, he owes £700 but has paid £350 since then and should pay the remaining £350 but they might just use the total figure and wipe out all the arrears from September.

Have you actually spoken to CMS? Their phone lines used to be open till 8pm. Go and call them now, and speak to a real person rather than the online portal.

I’m just going by my own experience. My ex overpaid (knowingly and by choice) then got a new gf and wanted to use his past overpayments to reduce his calculated amount (so he’d have more spare money for going out). CMS said no, he couldn’t claim it back as he did it voluntarily after being by given the correct calculation. He had to continue to pay the calculated figure.
Thats just my experience. Maybe they handled it wrong for me? The OP will need to call them.

Hopefully it’s your experience that’s the right one. Otherwise the world really has gone mad.

Imagine having the gall to even suggest this. I tried to go through CMS once, ten years ago, when ex and I first split. He dodged them until he was in over £1000 arrears. Then quit his job when they sent notification that they were going to arrest his wages. Jumped on job seekers and his kids were offered £3.50 per week each. I cancelled the claim and we have never asked him for another penny. I'm embarrassed for him, and I'm embarrassed for your ex.

What disgusting behaviour! Disagree with it. It reminds me of when myself and my ex first split up, he moved out and deducted the cost of the kitchen we had on finance (£60 a month) from the children's maintenence. Men can be such pigs!

What a fucking scumbag. I cannot believe that a parent can just decide to radically reduce their income by choice, and the CMS says, fine you don't have to pay towards the upkeep of your children. Surely there has to be a conversation with the other parent to agree whether or not that is acceptable, in this case in lieu of a potential increase in earning power and financial support further down the line. The CMS system is so fucked. No parent should be allowed to voluntarily abdicate financial responsibility for their kids.

You do have to wonder how these awful specimens think don’t you?

My ex was many things. But he never quibbled over money even though I know his partner gave him a hard time about it. And we didn’t have to go through CMS - we worked it out between ourselves.

He was a bastard in many other ways though ;)

What a vile person he is! Trying to reclaim money for his child that he didn’t even pay! And this is someone who thinks they’d make a great teacher?!

I’m amazed CMS is giving him the time of day. Definitely push back and also speak to his dad - do not give in on this!

It's nice to know a new teacher cares so much about children, he won't even pay for his...

I hope CMS sides with you.

I’d be very shocked if his father meant this as a loan. Very good of him to ensure his grandchild was supported still. I hope he gives his son a piece of his mind. He’s got away without paying for years and is now trying to reduce his liability further

The thing is, if he has done this to wipe the arrears that have accrued since September, why not be honest and say he (his dad) has paid £350? He’s clearly trying to chance his luck by putting the entire 18 month amount through, hoping CMS will reduce his payments to next to nothing whilst he recoups his £4k that he didn’t even pay himself.

what is wrong with men

Have you spoken to his dad? Or to CMS?

That's what I was thinking, if the ex's bank account shows that a transfer of £50 was regularly made by his father then it may be easier.

If he claims the money back, then the grandfather hasn’t paid towards the child, but has given the ex money. It’s only the ex who would benefit. I’d let the GF know.

The poster didn't say that the OP was 'grabby' but it's naive to imply that there are no grabby women!

I’ve tried to phone his dad but not managed to get through. I only finished work at 7pm. Last time I phoned CMS I was on hold for over an hour (!), they also close at 6pm. I’m going to phone first thing in the morning as generally you get put straight through.

I’m fed up of grabby men who take from the state, their ex partner, their children and apparently even their own parent. Fixed it. (I wish the government would do more to stop these men taking the complete piss).

OP, I have no experience that can help but big hug to you and you’ve had useful advice I think (contact mp etc)

If the GF paid it into his sons account and then the son paid it to you, there is a trail proving it came form the GF.
Either way, it came from the GF so you tell CMS that no, he didn’t pay you anything, GF did. Speak to GF to confirm that!
GF sounds lovely, his son sounds awful.

Imagine having such low morals that you would try to steal money from your own child and your Dad.

That’s exactly what he is trying to do. Money his Dad paid towards his son - he’s trying to steal for himself.

I hope he goes to hell. Honestly.

Makes me wonder if part of his motivation to go back to uni was to get out of paying CM. And he’s pissed that Grandad stepped in and paid on his behalf. So is now trying to steal it back for himself. What a selfish selfish man. Watch your back with this man, he has zero morals, nor the ability to put his child’s needs above his own.

They wrote "I’m not usually on the side of grabby women but this guy is an asshole." This totally says they think OP is a "grabby woman" (whatever that is) but on this occasion they'll give her a pass because her ex is an asshole.

He's absolutely awful

I’ve just logged back in to check it before speaking to his dad and CMS tomorrow, and he’s dated that he made the voluntary payment to the tune of almost £4k yesterday (Oct 22nd), which is very confusing. Any idea why? I’m assuming it’s because CMS won’t consider backdated payments from months / years ago?

I think you are probably right, I still don't think they'll take notice of a voluntary payment though.

It's like if you were only recently broken up and he backdated all of the money he spent towards things for the child when you were together.