Ex trying to reclaim money from child

[Preeel]

18 months ago my ex went back to university to train to be a teacher. During that time period, he was technically ‘unemployed’ (he did receive a grant, but that’s irrelevant in CMS’ view). As such, the child maintenance calculator reduced his payment to £0. His father, my child’s grandfather, then got involved and said he would continue to pay £50 a week in maintenance on behalf of his son as it wasn’t right that our child wasn’t supported. This money was paid via the grandfather to my ex, then he would transfer it to me.

My ex is finally employed and the maintenance calculator has said he needs to pay £100 a week. However, my ex is now claiming that the CMS should subtract all of the money that his father paid over the 18 months, therefore reducing his sum of £100 a week. It’s almost £4,000. I disagree as this was never the agreement, and I was never told that essentially I would need to pay this money back. It was a gentleman’s agreement if you like between the three of us to make sure our child continued to be supported.

AIBU or has my ex got a case to claim this money back?

Apologies if this has already been said, tell them it was the grandfather and give the grandfather's contact details to CMS. They can then investigate it further and hopefully the grandfather will have the decency to tell the truth.

you disagree! What a twat.

This.

I would explain that these payments were from your child's grandfather, using your ex as an intermediary, and there was never any agreement that the money would be paid back.

So yes, you disagree with what he is saying.

Ok. Reading online I think this is possibly a misunderstanding.

So when the CMS ask about voluntary payments, this is so that any arrears can be worked out if the right payment hasn’t yet been calculated. He will have been asked if he made voluntary payments because if he didn’t then he could possibly have been in arrears. It appears he isn’t, but it would be possible.

So if you tell them that he has made voluntary payments, it only serves to show that he doesn’t owe you anything, it has nothing to do with having to pay him back.

So I would point this out to him. Tell him that declarations of voluntary payments are to prove any arrears, not to demand refunds.

www.nidirect.gov.uk/articles/early-child-maintenance-payments-and-payment-problems

He's stitched you up like a prize kipper, hasn't he?

Got his elderly dad to pay maintenance for his son when he couldn't be arsed was studying and then wants to use his father's generosity as an excuse to get out of paying anything for years.

What a cunt. There's an especially toasty spot in hell awaiting the likes of your ex.

Who makes these rules? It makes me so angry. The other parent can’t say ‘I’ll not feed/clothe’ etc my child for a year and a half whilst I re-train for a new career so why can a non-resident parent?

I'd call his dad and ask him what he wants you to do. I don't imagine his dad gave him the money for him to claim it back / pay less than he should now! His dad might have a word with him.

But then if the payments came from his account, he can prove it so not sure if he can take it further.

What an absolute twat though.

His bank account would also show him receiving money from his grandfather then paying it to you. I’m not usually on the side of grabby women but this guy is an asshole.

Tell them that he transferred to you payments from the childs grandfather. He did not make any voluntary payments of his own. The money was from the grandfather not the father.

This kind of thing makes my blood boil. My ex spent years on a nil award because he was setting up a new business and not earning any money on paper (certainly was earning just not showing it on the books)

So he may basically got to opt out of paying child maintenance and I had to fork out for everything I didn't have an option not to pay for everything our children needed.

There was never the stipulation that I would pay this money back. Had that been the case, I wouldn’t have accepted it in the first place! He doesn’t have arrears as he only became employed in September, so he only owes the £100 a week from that date.

He only sees our child once every two weeks and has them once overnight. He tried to claim special expenses (I’m assuming for travelling). CMS rejected this so he’s now trying to get ‘voluntary payments’ for that period of 18 months which equates to almost £4,000.

I am going to tell him I am disagreeing and will contact his dad directly to find out whether he intended for me to pay the money back. I’m sure he will quickly change his tune!

are there any text messages or emails where ex explains what his dad is doing? If so explain to ex you are screenshotting them (and do!) and will be forwarding to CMS.

🙄Wanting a man to pay for the children he fathered is not "grabby"

I think this is going to be the problem to be honest. Technically they did come from his bank account..

What an absolute scumbag though.

So? You can't just demand back voluntary payments and he can provide his bank statements if he wants to prove where the funds came from - which he won't do because it'll be clear its from his dad.

OP read the link I posted above.

The CMS aren’t going to make you pay the money back. They’re asking about voluntary payments to take account of the time the claim had started etc.

Nowhere does it state that if you pay more or some when you don’t have to you can claim it back, that’s not how it works.

He’s messing with your head by telling you it needs paying back. But CMS haven’t said you need to pay it back have they?

You just say no. It’s not up for discussion. Tell him that there’s no stipulation that voluntary payments need to be paid back and that the matter is closed.

Don’t let him intimidate you any further..

And you can declare the voluntary payments to CMS without fear of retribution from them.

I do understand the anxiety around this, I mean I jumped to the same conclusion until I looked it up.

But it really isn’t the case.

They might. The paper trail is 18 months of £50 of child maintenance payments from the father's bank account when he didn't have to pay anything based on their assessment.

I'm not sure I follow the £4k argument though, it's only £900 for 18 months?

Ex will need to declare the gift from his father, it might be taxed.

That money was a gift from child’s grandfather. It is not relevant to the CMS claim. What a nasty man.

What an absolute toad of a man (sorry toads).

No. £600 is well below the threshold for that.

The grandad was paying £50 a week so £200 a month. Which is £3600 over 18 months.

I'd disagree, at the end of the day you were told it was a monetary gift for your dc from their grandfather via the 'dad'