Ex trying to reclaim money from child

[Preeel]

18 months ago my ex went back to university to train to be a teacher. During that time period, he was technically ‘unemployed’ (he did receive a grant, but that’s irrelevant in CMS’ view). As such, the child maintenance calculator reduced his payment to £0. His father, my child’s grandfather, then got involved and said he would continue to pay £50 a week in maintenance on behalf of his son as it wasn’t right that our child wasn’t supported. This money was paid via the grandfather to my ex, then he would transfer it to me.

My ex is finally employed and the maintenance calculator has said he needs to pay £100 a week. However, my ex is now claiming that the CMS should subtract all of the money that his father paid over the 18 months, therefore reducing his sum of £100 a week. It’s almost £4,000. I disagree as this was never the agreement, and I was never told that essentially I would need to pay this money back. It was a gentleman’s agreement if you like between the three of us to make sure our child continued to be supported.

AIBU or has my ex got a case to claim this money back?

Please let us know how iy goes OP.

If the grandad paid, why does the ex think he deserves that money back? 🤨

Sorry to be pedantic, but
18 months = 52 + 26 weeks = 78 weeks
78 * 50 = £3,900 ie almost 4K
QED
I promise I will try to get a life now.

This mum's experience on MN suggests that CMS can and do offset voluntary payments against future payments: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/lone_parents/4771367-cms-voluntary-payments?postsby=Ellizabeth 🤔

Exactly. Often people confuse 4 weeks with a month - not the same thing at all. The state pension is an example, which is paid every 4 weeks so there are 13 (not 12) payments per annum.

How is a woman being "grabby" when she requests maintenance from the absent father to contribute to the upkeep of his child? It's the very least he should do! 🙄

I’m not sure if the grandfather had an agreement with my ex that he pays the money back. I was never privy to that. All I was told (directly by grandfather) is that he wanted to support our DC whilst his son wasn’t able to. There was never any mention of loans or paying this money back.

He’s an honourable man and I can’t see him agreeing to this or colluding with his son. I imagine should my ex argue further he will get short shrift from his father. I’m going to be speaking to my DC’s grandfather to find out what he makes of all this.

Phone him ASAP and let us know the outcome. I can just imagine what he'll say to your ex once he finds out. Your ex is a snake of epic proportions and I would not want him as my child's teacher.

Indeed - let’s see you feed, clothe, house and generally look after a child on 100 a week. Nursery alone will be about 5 times that….

Know this is massively off topic but I can't see that selfish arse making the best teacher.

Additionally, my DC’s grandfather has done one-off payments for half of expenses such as assessments etc. for our DC who was / is being investigated for neurodiversity. He’s never asked for that money back and that was paid to me directly, so I’m pretty sure this is just ex chancing it.

Grabby women? How is it grabby to expect a man who fathered a child to help pay for said child? This situation OP doesn’t come off as grabby at all

Of course it’s him chancing it, why would grandad give money for grandchild so he didn’t miss out or suffer in anyway only to ask for it all back 18 months later? I’d just let the ex know I’ll speak with ex FIL and ask if he is asking for the money back and I’ll contact CMS to explain the agreement. Tbh the ex FIL probably has no clue what’s going on and your ex just wants to reduce his monthly payments for a while

You know it is! Call him call him call him. I'm invested now 😄

How old is the DC? I would cut the dad out and personally thank the GF of your DC for his help. Explain in simple terms what his son is attempting to do. And get something in writing. The man thought about your child whilst your ex couldn't be arsed. Get it in writing, keep a copy and send the original to the agency.

I’m embarrassed for your ex.

No need for this as the ex didn’t pay. The grandfather did. Least said the better really.

Men like him absolutely disgust me, utter cockroaches. It seems like he has a decent father too, so it’s not like he was raised to be a selfish, irresponsible prick. My dad was like this, paid my mum £80 a month to cover three kids, it was in the 90s but still a pittance. He resented every penny and even talked me out of going into further education so that he wouldn’t have to keep paying my mum for me. I hate him for other reasons, but none of us (me and my siblings) have anything to do with him now. I hope your ex realises this is likely to be his fate too once his child grows up and realises what a massive let down he is.

@BananaSplitSandwich but he only has to show them the bank statements and transactions to the OP to show he was transferring money to her monthly. Unless the OP explains the situation they won't know to look at the other payments coming into his account - he could just say his dad is elderly and transfers him money to d his grocery shopping everymonth.

I agree that he should repay his dad the money and add the same amount to what he is paying you to cover the shortfall during his training. What a useless, mean fuckwit.

What a total shit this man is. I think you have a sound case Go via CMS.

I would say you didn't receive voluntary payments from him. You received money from his father. Let him argue the technicalities about how the money was sent if he wishes, but the voluntary payments are from his father.

It's hard to imagine that this person is a teacher.

I know there are a lot of dubious people in professional roles, but I'd hate my children to be taught by a man like that.

Definitely get on to your ex-fil! I'd be surprised if he knows about any of this.