To worry about taking the £1?

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For context:

• Currently living at home with DM and DF as we are are buying a house and waiting to move in.

• Almost 2yo DS was initially scared of the doorbell but I've been bringing him to answer the door with me and now he gets excited and says hi to all the delivery people etc.

This morning DS and DM answered the door. It was a man saying he'd noticed roof tiles missing and asked if he could do a free quote. DM declined as we already have a roofer in the family. The man was typically 'laddy' but pleasant enough.

I've heard of the scam where people go up on your roof, cause damage and then charge you to fix it, so it may have been that. I don't know. We live near a traveller site and it's not uncommon to get people from there coming asking if you need work doing. We always decline and that's the end of it.

When DS said bye-bye at the door, the man said bye back and then found £1 in his pocket and gave it to DM to buy him some sweets. DM thanked him and he left. DM later said she felt bad taking it but also felt she would have caused offence by insisting that she didn't want it. I watched the exchange and I'm inclined to agree. It would have felt awkward to insist and would have meant pushing the money away quite forcefully.

At the same time it feels weird to have taken £1 from a stranger who came to the door, and my overly-anxious mind is panicking that this could somehow be used as a reason to come back.

Please tell me I am being crazy? I do have a lot of anxiety issues at the moment so accept I could be making something out of nothing at all.

They prey on gullible people.

As I said before it wasn't just a random person in the street, this was someone after making money out of the OP.

I've seen what they get up to locally, and was fortunate not to have the naivety to accept one of their quotes.

Pay it forward if it makes you feel that anxious, whack into the next charity box you see.

You know, I'd entirely forgotten that until you mentioned it. It was a thing, wasn't it? I can remember it happening to me when I was a kid.

Occasionally older neighbours give a coin to my son and I do remember older relatives doing this for me as a child. I didn't know it was considered good luck. I think it sounds like a lovely tradition and something I will continue when I've reached a suitable age 😂

Random people ringing your bell like this are almost certainly scammers, I never engage with any cold callers, I may have lost out occasionally but I'm sure I have been right more often!

Even if you haven't heard of this, being anxious about it is unusual. Its normal to come across new things without feeling anxiety, especially when these new things are acts of kindness, such as giving a child a coin. The usual reaction to that would be ' Aw, how nice!'. I hope you are getting support for your anxiety.

I was given money by white working class women as a child and my children have occasionally been given money by white strangers - so its certainly not just Romany! A nice lady ahead of us in the queue at a shop the other day, bought a lollipop and turned and gave it to my son. So nice!

I wouldn’t worry about the pound but I would tell your mum never to agree to any offer of roof inspection, laying lawn, fixing fences. My husband nearly agreed to give someone money for something apparently needed to fix our roof. Luckily I spotted him chatting in the garden. Turns out the man is a convicted scammer out on licence.

Best case scenario - he is not a scammer, he is a legitimate tradesperson who wanted to do a nice thing for the child. No loss for the child getting sweet money
Worst case scenario - he is a scammer. He wanted to damage the roof (or lie about damage and get money for fixing it). When that failed he gave money to your child either because he wanted to prove his non-scammeryness or because he wanted to do a nice thing.

Either way - even in the worst case scenario there isn't any harm in the 1 pound. If you decided based on that alone that you would let him do the roof after all, that would be a bit foolish but other than that its best to take it at face value.

Please be careful. We tried to get someone to fix our leaking guttering and before we knew it they were trying to get money off us to fix our roof. They were nice as pie to start off with but then the nastiness started as their demands for money grew or they would leave our roof open to the elements. We did get half the money back but lost enough to make it a hard lesson learnt. We will now only use people recommended by family of friends or by Which who check out tradespeople.

In Scotland it's normal

When we first took our new daughter out for a walk loads of people slipped silver coins into be pram, she had quite a hoard when we got home! My late OH would always give a new baby a silver coin when he first saw them , it was apparently a Yorkshire thing.

I'm in the North of England too and when my ds was 3, we were in a cafe one day and an older lady was watching him and smiling at him. As she left she gave him a £2 coin, as she said he was so well behaved. What she didn't know was that we were still in the "bridging" process of adopting him (getting to know him, taking him out but returning him to foster home at night) and he'd never even been in a cafe before. I was really touched and he was thrilled as he'd never received that kind of attention before. It was many years ago but I still remember it.

Thanks everyone who has explained with kindness. One thing I do want to bring up in my defence:

From reading the replies I agree it's a nice and sweet tradition. I was confused because I'd never heard of it but had it happened in a more neutral situation (like passing in the park or sat next to a person on a bus) I'd have been less suspicious.

The roof thing is a common scam. I was home alone with DS and DM and as soon as he spoke I knew it was likely he was there in the hope of scamming us. It's not easy to find roofers with availability here and generally they don't need to roam the streets looking for work to do. Is it that odd that a potential scammer at the door is a situation that puts me into high alert mode?

The other option is that he was a legitimate roofer but he was still a cold caller and it can still be difficult to get rid of them once you get into conversation. I've had cold callers get angry before and I was focused on wanting the interaction to be over.

I actually agree completely with the people who think it was a nice gesture and that - scammer or genuine roofer - he was being nice to a child. I accept I was being unnecessarily anxious to worry about it. The replies have helped me see that.

I don't think it's comparable to an old woman next to us on the bus who popped 50p into DS' hand for some sweeties.

OP, it’s never happened to me either. I would find it odd too but I’ve obviously just missed that tradition.

Yes it’s an old tradition, some view it as good luck to give babies and toddlers a coin. Or you know, they are just people who like seeing kids smile. Nothing sinister about it.

But on the roofing note, no I wouldn’t trust a roofer who knocked on my door. You can’t get a roofer here for love nor money.

You're not being silly; nobody wants to encourage their children to go around taking money from random strangers! But in this case it is harmless; a very small amount given to a child with an adult standing right by. Your child is clearly going to be good at making friends.

Ah! This thread has made me remember my own childhood when strangers used to give me coins for "being good", if I had a polite chat with then at a bus stop, or wasn't noisy at a cafe table or something - the sheer joy and sense of pride! I'd forgotten.

Tbf though, my 2yo and 4yo old have never had this - maybe they're not well behaved enough 😂

I've had money given to my son from 'an old Irish gypsy' (his words). I appreciated it and said thank you. I remember at the time thinking it was nice!

Shaking hands, taking money can look as though a deal has been done. Make sure they don't just turn up and start work.

I’m in the north and it was still really common in these parts when I was a kid in the mid-90s. I’m actually really surprised how many people have never heard of it, and even more surprised people would be offended!

When I had my son the first few times we walked in the village most folks put money in his pram to bring him luck . I was so touched and tbh have done it a few times myself since .
Most people like kids it's a nice gesture and nice for your son .

West Midlander, very common to cross the palm of a new baby with a coin (or note!) and then give it to the parent for the piggy bank. It's to ensure lifelong financial security. I now live elsewhere and everyone finds it strange (and I wouldn't do it without asking and now symbolically wave it in the vicinity of the child!)

THIS and don't let visitor near your roof

Yes, it was quite common when my DC were small. Babies seem to spend less time in prams and more time in a pushchair nowadays. When my DC were babies they were in a large flatbed pram going out until they were about 12-14 months. They were often given a silver coin by usually older women. Sometimes they pressed a 50p into their hand before giving It to me for their piggy bank. I think it was supposedly lucky. The pram was long enough for them to lie flat and sleep. Modern prams are smaller so babies come out of them sooner.