To worry about taking the £1?

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For context:

• Currently living at home with DM and DF as we are are buying a house and waiting to move in.

• Almost 2yo DS was initially scared of the doorbell but I've been bringing him to answer the door with me and now he gets excited and says hi to all the delivery people etc.

This morning DS and DM answered the door. It was a man saying he'd noticed roof tiles missing and asked if he could do a free quote. DM declined as we already have a roofer in the family. The man was typically 'laddy' but pleasant enough.

I've heard of the scam where people go up on your roof, cause damage and then charge you to fix it, so it may have been that. I don't know. We live near a traveller site and it's not uncommon to get people from there coming asking if you need work doing. We always decline and that's the end of it.

When DS said bye-bye at the door, the man said bye back and then found £1 in his pocket and gave it to DM to buy him some sweets. DM thanked him and he left. DM later said she felt bad taking it but also felt she would have caused offence by insisting that she didn't want it. I watched the exchange and I'm inclined to agree. It would have felt awkward to insist and would have meant pushing the money away quite forcefully.

At the same time it feels weird to have taken £1 from a stranger who came to the door, and my overly-anxious mind is panicking that this could somehow be used as a reason to come back.

Please tell me I am being crazy? I do have a lot of anxiety issues at the moment so accept I could be making something out of nothing at all.

I’m in my 60’s and was regularly given a half crown or 2shilling piece for sweeties when I was little. My father had a small business and I did very well out of his customers.

When I took dd into the office i worked in to say ' hello, here's my baby ' the one and only Scottish lady pressed a £1 coin into her hand whilst she was in her pram. I just thought that was lovely. Thank you Isobel. and that was 20+ years ago.

I don't think I even really know

I think a worry that he may be more likely to come back asking about other work and now there's a connection there. A general feeling that I owed him something and would be expected to be extra nice or matey in future.

Like you know "how's your little lad doing? Oh there he is. Did your gran get you some sweeties? Right I know you've got someone already to take care of your roof but I also noticed..."

Now everyone has explained the children and coin thing being common, I feel a bit embarrassed for posting.

But before I read the replies, him doing that was the equivalent (as far as I knew) of someone walking up to you in Tesco and giving you £1 for milk. A nice gesture but felt weird and made me wonder like "what's the catch?".

I have been that slightly eccentric but well meaning woman who has given parents some money to buy some sweets for their kids if we have been having a chat. Never directly to the child though. It was more common in the past. I remember a lady asking and taking myself and my sister in to a bakers and saying we could have anything we liked. My family were hard up for treats as six kids. I chose a cone with marshmallow on smothered in hundreds and thousands. It’s a core memory for me and about 50 years ago.

You say he might be Gypsy, its probably just 'cross the palm with silver/gold'. Old tradition of giving babies toddlers a coin as a wish of good fortune.

@Yourethebeerthief 😊

Also Yorkshire and it happened occasionally with my DC (19 and 15 now) but when we visited MIL who lived in a small village in Nottinghamshire it happened more frequently. It was always people aged around 70+
I thought it was sweet

We had this once. We'd taken DD to a party - it was a part of the community we don't know that well (except the family who'd asked us) and there were only a couple of children there!! They started COMPTETATIVELY giving the children money... started with £1...then £2.. then £5... then £7 ... then £10 ..then £15... then £20... it was awful we didn't know where to put ourselves. We kept trying to say no and they were forcing it into her hand..

Eventually we gave in, went home and opened a savings accounts - she's now busy spending it all at university

Wouldn't think any more of it. Just after DS was born we got chatting to a Scottish lady in a cafe and as she was leaving she slipped a fiver into his pram 'for his money box'.

I spent a fiver of my own buying him a money box to put it in on the way home 🤭

I actually think you are right to be wary. Lots of people think scammers are intimidating but actually they often start off appearing lovely to build up a relationship.
Make sure if he returns your mum/you feel comfortable to say no again.
At best it was a lovely gesture but at worst it was to try and build a connection.
No harm in taking it but be cautious if there is a return visit.

I was in Hartlepool when hugely pregnant with DS so 24 years ago and a couple of people gave me a pound coin for when the baby came. It’s the only time I have been there as DH was on a business trip and I was worried about going in to labour with him at a distance. DD had been a rapid delivery, DS was as well. It was and probably is still quite a deprived area but must say the nicest people ever.

But also never do business at the door ever, I don’t.

Coins are dirty though. I think it’s a sweet tradition but when my partners’ gran tried to put a pound coin in my newborns’ hand I had to quickly grab it!

You're not being silly.

If it was an older person you sat near on the bus who took a liking to your son that would be different.

I get because of the circumstances you were worried.

Try to separate the two (the £1 and the roof) and he might not have even been a scammer.

@ViciousCurrentBun I often leave the £1 in the trolly if I see someone with small kids coming and tell them to buy the kids some sweets. It just feels a nice thing to be able to do.

When my baby was tiny we lived in an area with a lot of Irish folk. Maybe some traveller background I'm not sure. Anyways there were several times when people (men mostly) put a £1 , 50p or couple times a note on the pram or in my hand for her or similar.
I was told it's good luck.

It isn't unusual for strangers to give coins to children, so I wouldn't think anything of it.

. I haven't ever heard of the giving a coin to children thing before so I think it just surprised me.
Frequently amazed at the things ppl are anxious and have never heard of, it's £1 not £1000

I think it was an innocent gesture as well. Something that no one would have batted an eyelid at many moons ago.

Very common to give children sweetie money in many communities.

Good your DM didn't agree to the quote - that is a very well known scam!

I grew up in the Midlands in a village in the 50s and 60s. We travelled everywhere by bus. It was not at all unusual for elderly men waiting for a bus with us to search in their pockets for a 6d to give to my brother and me to buy some sweets. I don't recall older ladies doing this but it wasn't looked upon as creepy - it was just something kindly older men who had lived through WWII and sweet rationing would do.

Not at all. Mumsnet can be a bit brutal and if you’re feeling a bit unsure or shit it’s not great.

anyway but a packet of sweets with the £1!

Giving coins to kids is a Romany tradition that dates back to India. Don’t overthink it.

People are forgetting that this man didn't just give your child £1 for sweets, he came to your house to ask for business.

I would be wary, because it will be seen as an investment and that you now owe him to do the quote and then the work.

Best never to engage with people who knock on your door asking for work and just flat out refuse a quote or any idea of work.

I would be wary, because it will be seen as an investment

🙄

I'm not a traveller nor a scammer and I've passed the odd coin to a child as a nicety.
It's just nice to see them get so excited for something generally low value