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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mum not coming on Halloween - irked?

454 replies

CleverAzureDreamer · 22/10/2024 16:28

My mum has just let me know she’s having her hair done on Thursday evening next week so she won’t be coming over to ours to go trick or treating and watch a spooky movie with the kids (8, 10, 12). I’m slightly irritated by this as I thought it would have been nice to have a family night dressed up and go round taking the kids trick or treating.
I’ve allowed older DS to bring a friend over to come with us so it won’t be so empty but I just found it a bit selfish for a Nan to not want to spend Halloween with the grandkids! AIBU?

OP posts:
MamaDollyorJesus · 22/10/2024 17:36

I won't even see DGS at Halloween - I'll be working & he'll be getting ready for bed by the time I get home. It's also my sisters 40th birthday so I'll be prioritising visiting her after work.

leccybill · 22/10/2024 17:36

purplebeansprouts · 22/10/2024 16:43

A 12 year old in secondary school shouldn't be knocking on stranger's doors. I personally don't think anyone should but you need to be taking safety seriously at 12. It's also intimidating for the person at the door

Edited

Couldn't disagree more! DD and her friends are 14. They are excited to dress up as all the Beetlejuice characters and go trick or treating at about 6pm/as soon as its dark. They are polite and have nice manners and will only knock at decorated houses on our own estate. I'll prob walk 5 min behind them with the dog to keep an eye out.

kinkiskarma · 22/10/2024 17:37

I’m a bit mystified by the responses as in ours and many other close by London neighbourhoods lots of houses go to a lot of effort to decorate the house for trick or treating or at least put a pumpkin out. Nobody is intimidated as no Halloween decoration means no knocking on that door. Prime age group is I’d say 7-13; many of the young teens come in groups and are generally very well behaved. The kids absolutely love it. It’s a big day for them no matter where Halloween originated and they talk about it for weeks in advance. Kids round here have heritage from all over the world and they all seem to enjoy it the same.

but OP sorry, if your mum has plans I am surprised it’s such a big deal for you she’s not included. It is not like Christmas as much as the kids love it!

Lemonadeand · 22/10/2024 17:37

I don’t think Halloween is as big a deal as you’re making it, honestly. It’s not like it’s Christmas.

TopshopCropTop · 22/10/2024 17:37

Surely your kids are old enough that it would be frankly embarrassing for granny to be knocking around with them?

dreamer24 · 22/10/2024 17:38

harmonyhannah · 22/10/2024 17:27

I see or speak to my grandchildren almost every day. Have them for a day and night every weekend, do most of the school holiday childcare, spent every birthday with them, every Christmas, have never missed a school play or a sports day and most years go on a holiday with them. It would never occur to me in a zillion years that I "should" be spending Halloween with them. How strange?

Yes, my Dad is really involved with my DD, he's a great grandad and he's always offering childcare etc. We see him on birthdays and Christmas. But Halloween is just a bit of a non event isn't it? I enjoy Halloween parties with my DD and trick or treating etc, but it wouldn't have occurred to me to invite my Dad for that.

dreamer24 · 22/10/2024 17:38

Lemonadeand · 22/10/2024 17:37

I don’t think Halloween is as big a deal as you’re making it, honestly. It’s not like it’s Christmas.

I agree. As I keep saying I enjoy it, but it's not in the same league as Christmas, not at all.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 22/10/2024 17:40

I love Halloween.

You wouldn't catch me dead (or Undead, for that matter) willingly traipsing around houses in the cold with a couple of 12 year olds whilst the parent stays at home in the warm with the other kids. They won't get as much as when there are little ones in tow, anyhow.

Take them all out together - taking out the younger ones alone is absolutely something that the boys can do in a couple of years' time (I think it's practically a rite of passage for teenagers to become the responsible person, going by the groups we have visiting each year), but until then, you go as well.

CleverAzureDreamer · 22/10/2024 17:41

Whaaaaaat · 22/10/2024 17:33

It also depends on your 12 year old and their friend if they need supervision from Nan. Are they likely to be going around egging properties like some teens do? Or is it that your area is unsafe? Why can’t they visit your immediate neighbours alone? Either way that’s going to make it hard for your mum. She probably doesn’t fancy the propspect of doing that now they are 12.

We live in a rural area which is quite safe normally but there were two sexual assaults in the area this summer so I’m not comfortable with children being alone this year.

OP posts:
Cynic17 · 22/10/2024 17:42

Unless you're American, then Halloween is absolutely not a thing. I can't imagine any sensible grandparent wanting to do any of this, OP. You and your kids can surely just do stuff together?

IamnotSethRogan · 22/10/2024 17:42

You're not wrong to think it would have been nice but bit over the top to be so annoyed.

LadyGabriella · 22/10/2024 17:43

I love Halloween. Trick or treating and pumpkins.

JudgeJ · 22/10/2024 17:43

Christstollen · 22/10/2024 17:21

Jesus, on another thread most said 3 is 'far too young' to trick or treat

to be fair, on their own it kind of is 😂

I do love the idea of a bunch of 3 years old roaming around the neighbourhood trick or treating without adult. Priceless.

My late OH really liked to dress up for Halloween and the children in our road always enjoyed his latex masks, cloaks etc. One year the doorbell rang and he went down the side of the house to do his stuff, there was a group of primary aged children we didn't know and one girl was carrying a baby, maybe 2 or 3 who was scared to death, he started screaming, she nearly dropped him, we made sure they were OK, loaded them with treats and sent them off home, they lived a couple of roads away but had heard about our house. Half an hour later the parent of the baby was round screeching about how she was going to the police to report OH for frightening her child, we upped the ante by saying we would report her to Social Services for neglect!

Drinkdrinkduuurink · 22/10/2024 17:43

Drinkdrinkduuurink · 22/10/2024 17:21

For all the English ignoramuses who know nothing about Halloween.

https://www.irishtimes.com/culture/ten-trick-or-treating-facts-for-impressive-bonfire-chats-1.1983165

Scotland and Ireland started tricking

"A few decades later a practice called 'guising' was in full swing in Scotland and Ireland. Short for 'disguising', children would go out from door to door dressed in costume and rather than pledging to pray, they would tell a joke, sing a song or perform another sort of "trick" in exchange for food or money.

The expression trick or treat has only been used at front doors for the last 10 to 15 years. Before that "Help the Halloween Party" seems to have been the most popular phrase to holler."

__

Yes Halloween is not English, it's an Irish/Scottish cultural event and a million times more exciting for kids than that boring November 5th "penny for the guy" (burning the effigy of the catholic Guy Fawkes) English cultural event that is now dying out as its crap!!!!!

English kids wanting to do what Irish kids (me in the 80s, and my parents and their parents etc. before me) and Scottish kids have been doing for well over a century is not their fault that Halloween is bloody better than that Guy Fawkes tedium.

Edited

More ignoramuses (and killjoys)...repeat.

TequilaNights · 22/10/2024 17:44

'Family time' but you wanted your mum to be off with your son and his friend...

There's the real reason.

Truth it, sounds like it's too much for your mum, you have fun, but maybe it's run it's course with your mum.

It's just Halloween

SpunkyMulder · 22/10/2024 17:44

What? Why would a Nan be obliged to spend Halloween with children?

Had you already invited her and she agreed?

WearyAuldWumman · 22/10/2024 17:44

PhoebeFeels · 22/10/2024 17:30

What total American imported nonsense. I'm one of those that does not answer the door.

Possibly in England. Not in Scotland.

This was written by Violet Jacob. It was prompted by the death of her son in the Battle of the Somme.

Hallowe’en
The tattie-liftin’s nearly through,
They’re ploughin’ whaur the barley grew,
And aifter dark, roond ilka stack,
Ye’ll see the horsemen stand an’ crack
O Lachlan, but I mind o’ you!

I mind foo often we hae seen
Ten thoosand stars keek doon atween
The nakit branches, an’ below
Baith fairm an’ bothie hae their show,
Alowe wi’ lichts o’ Hallowe’en.

There’s bairns wi’ guizards at their tail
Cloorin’ the doors wi’ runts o’ kail,
And fine ye’ll hear the screichs an’ skirls
O’ lassies wi’ their droukit curls
Bobbin’ for aipples i’ the pail.

The bothie fire is loupin’ het,
A new heid horseman’s kist is set
Richt’s o’ the lum; whaur by the blaze
The auld ane stude that kept yer claes—
I canna thole to see it yet!

But gin the auld fowks’ tales are richt
An ghaists come hame on Hallow nicht,
O freend o’ friends! what wad I gie
To feel ye rax yer hand to me
Atween the dark an’ caun’le licht?

Awa’ in France, across the wave,
The wee lichts burn on ilka grave,
An’ you an’ me their lowe hae seen—
Ye’ll mebbe hae yer Hallowe’en
Yont, whaur ye’re lyin’ wi’ the lave.

There’s drink an’ daffin’, sang an’ dance
And ploys and kisses get their chance,
But Lachlan, man, the place I see
Is whaur the auld kist used tae be
And the lichts o’ Hallowe’en in France!

CleverAzureDreamer · 22/10/2024 17:45

We will go all together anyway so it will be fine. I’m not fuming like some people think, just slightly irked. We will still have fun, I was just thinking more the merrier!

OP posts:
Uricon2 · 22/10/2024 17:46

I am probably nearer her age and bloody love Halloween but it shouldn't be compulsory for her to have to join in, whether she usualy does or not. If you don't consider them old enough to go out alone, you go with them. She's prioritised differently this year as she has a right to.

RunAwayTurnAwayRunAwayTurnAway · 22/10/2024 17:47

I requested my cervical cancer check this morning. The surgery sent me back 31/10 at 5pm. Trick or treat!

NotSoHotMess24 · 22/10/2024 17:48

CleverAzureDreamer · 22/10/2024 17:45

We will go all together anyway so it will be fine. I’m not fuming like some people think, just slightly irked. We will still have fun, I was just thinking more the merrier!

WHY ARE YOU SO ANGRY!!!!!!!

ddd4 · 22/10/2024 17:48

PhoebeFeels · 22/10/2024 17:30

What total American imported nonsense. I'm one of those that does not answer the door.

I'm just trying to imagine being a person who feels pleased with themself for writing that.

Whaaaaaat · 22/10/2024 17:49

CleverAzureDreamer · 22/10/2024 17:41

We live in a rural area which is quite safe normally but there were two sexual assaults in the area this summer so I’m not comfortable with children being alone this year.

Hang on …. But you would be comfortable with your mum being out in the dark!
Thats probably why your mum has made alternate plans, she probably doesn’t want to go out in the dark knowing that there have been assaults in the area.

HeddaGarbled · 22/10/2024 17:49

I just thought it’s nice to spend time together with family and friends but clearly I’m in the minority

What a silly statement. Of course everyone likes spending time with their family and friends. As does your mum.

But you know that really. You’re just being rude because people don’t agree with you about this particular occasion.

dreamer24 · 22/10/2024 17:50

@Whaaaaaat
Really good point, why would her mum feel comfortable being in an area where there's been sexual assaults 😱

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