zippi - you reminded me of a couple of experiences I had whilst teaching in the UK. When I went back to teaching dd1 was 1 and I had a pic of her over my desk - the kids could all see it. I made no big deal about her having special needs but neither did I hide it.
IN my year 7 class - I had a number of children who had family members and a few with mild intellectual impairment in a particular class. They were horrid to each other - calling each other derogatory names etc. I finally had enough and so off the cuff I did a lesson - it went like this.
I took down the pic of dd1 and asked them to describe what they say. They told me her hair colour, they told me her shirt colour, eye colour, jeans colour and described the pose she was in. Not one child mentioned she had down syndrome. I then told them what they did not describe.... that she had down syndrome - talked a little of what it meant in real terms for dd1 - very simply. I wonder whether none of these children had ever come across a child with ds.
Anyway I then went on and talked about her cardiac surgery - talking about how little dd1 was - how small her heart was and how she had a huge scar on her chest that you could not see. I talked about what the docs did and how that saved her life. I then talked about how if you can't see it - does not mean it is there. We talked about how some people with special needs - perhaps like a physical impairment are easy to see but for others it can be a hidden impairment like dd1's scar.
I told them that the way they were teasing and speaking about each other was unacceptable. If I did not have a pic up about dd1 they would not know about her - as they may not know about others in the class. That it was not appropriate to use the words they were using to insult and make fun of each other. We talked about how hurtful those words are to people like dd1 and their families and friends. We talked about where those words came from.
At the end of the lesson, I told them how proud I was of their listening and paying attention to everything that was said and how I hoped I would never ever hear those words used again. Those kids went off to other classes and told other kids about our lesson and mrs x's daughter and I am told they even on a couple of occasions challenged other kids who were being verbally abusive and mean. If these kids can get it - why can't adults.
My second experience was not a pleasant one but with a good outcome. I had a particularly challenging year nine class - read mainly boys with surging testosterone and a lot to prove - including the kids who just got on with work etc and did their best. They too were teasing each other and calling each other things like spaz, retard, special in a derogatory tone and finally one shouted across the room - no you have up syndrome to which the kid shouted - no down syndrome and they all fell about laughing. I had been unable to get a word in edgewise until this point.
I just bellowed at them to shut up! ( not professional but bloody effective.) the rest of the kids who had not joined in this almost hit the ceiling from shock. The boys who were being horrible and inappropriate just stopped dead. They almost gagged on their laughing. I then very calmly reminded them that those words were unacceptable and in case they had forgotten I had a child with down syndrome. I then just sat at my desk in silent fury - I did not trust myself to say anymore. They realised they had gone too far and that they needed to be quiet before volcano mrs x erupted.
The shame of the situation - the kid who made the final joke laughing about ds and the other terms was one of the best kids in the class but in a misguided attempt to fit in with the so called 'cool' kids did this. He was very bright and yet he felt this was okay. Until he saw my face and realised it had gone too far.
he came to apologise after class and we talked about words again and the power they have. We also talked about how he knew very little about all the people in the class and how what was being said could have been offensive to any number of people there.
The next day when I was calmer - we had a discussion about the words that were used and why they were unacceptable - the history of the words etc. Sadly a lot of these kids would have come from homes and family situations where this sort of terminology was commonplace.
I am not sure I reached some of the harder kids but just for one brief moment they stopped and thought about their behaviour and certainly in my presence never spoke like that again.
As I said before - kids get it; why is it so hard for adults.