AIBU or is my partners ex

[TheSunnyLemonShark]

Just to start, my bonus child has a full wardrobe at our house, coats, dresses loads of shoes at ours so wouldn’t go without.

So we have overnight visits every second weekend sat 1pm-sun6pm and her mum usually packs a little bag for her (completely unnecessary as she has everything she needs at ours anyway) ex refuses to return clothes from our house if she goes home in them meaning we always send her home in outfits from mums as nothing comes back that’s from our house.

my partners ex has started demanding that we wash the outfit from Saturday and dress bonus child in it on a Sunday for pick up as she doesn’t want to pack a bag for her anymore (leaving very little turn around to actually wash and dry it, 9pm bedtime and out the house for 10am Sunday for swimming lessons). We’ve always sent what she was sent in back home with her until last weekend when I forgot to pack her cardigan from the Saturday), bonus child is 5 and we have a 2 month old baby as well so it’s a little chaotic sometimes!)
we do all pickups and drop off (ex moved to a location 40 minutes away when they broke up) and it feels like my partners ex is just trying to make it more difficult.

I would have no issue washing the clothes and sending them back the next weekend I just think my partners ex is being unreasonable expecting the outfit to be washed and dried from Saturday night to Sunday. last thing I want to do it get the baby sorted get bonus child to bed then have to go stick on a wash at 8/9 a Saturday night and get it on the radiators and keep the heating on a decent temp overnight all because mum is demanding it be the same outfit she’s returned in.

AIBU if I refuse to do this?

And please don't get her to change as soon as she arrives. She is a child and that's horrible. It will make her feel awful/emphasise the difference between houses. By all means have her wear the clothes from yours the next day but don't get her to keep changing.

The little girl doesn't want people thinking that she's the OP's daughter. Some people see the word "stepdaughter" as having negative connotations. If she just refers to her "partner's daughter", it might sound as though she's distancing herself from the little girl.

Is there any other more positive term that you could suggest? I'm struggling to think of one (other than referring to the little girl by name).

Bonus child is a meant to be a nice term, aimed to mitigate against the connotations associated with the term ‘step’.

I’m sure the OP calls the child by her name rather than ‘bonus child’ when speaking to her, rather than about her as she is here.

in also sure the child’s dad doesn’t call her his ‘bonus child’, because she is his daughter (not his step daughter!).

Sorry you’re getting such flack OP - you haven’t done anything wrong. But as others have said - I would just do whatever to keep the peace - the child will thank you for it.

Is bonus child maybe used to refer to boyfriend or girlfriend's child, rather than a step child who is a spouse's child.

?