He hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend...

[doctorlife]

Hello! I am need of some advice.

I started dating someone just over 4 months ago. We were dating 'exclusively' from the off; on our first date both of us noted that were weren't dating anyone else at the time. This was my first date since the end of my last relationship (I don't date easily, only if I know of someone / already have my eye on them, etc). I saw this guy at the gym and knew 'of' him and was extremely interested in him (still am!).

Forward just over 4 months since this date, we have seen each other weekly and spoken everyday. Since this time, lots of life events have happened (got a PhD, started a new job, etc) and it's been so lovely having him 'there' through it. I love spending time with him and actually feel like I may.... 'love' (ahhh) him.

We have recently booked a European trip to explore xmas markets (Mid December). He has met some friends, and I have met his sister. we share similar interests and appear to want the same things from life / each other / a relationship (i.e.. being a team etc).

Anyway... I am starting to feel a little twitchy and vulnerable as he hasn't asked me to be his GF yet. I have subtlety brought this up and h noted that he wants something 'long term' but isn't in a rush. He appears to be a genuine guy so I am inclined ot believe this and accept it, yet, at the same time, I cant help but feel anxious / vulnerable about it. AIBU to think this should be happening soon, or, is it one of those things where everyone is different and I need to respect that?

Not sure what to think and its been making me feel a little inseure.

Additional info: he has a large group of friends who are 'well known' etc., whereas most of my friends have moved away so I don't have a solid group of friends around (lots of individual people dotted about). Not sure how this is relevant but it feels like important to note as something I wonder whether we are on the same 'level' in this sense (which, again, worries me).

Is he waiting to meet my parents? Is he realising that I cant offer the same social opportunities as he can? :(

Thank you in advance.
27 year old singleton in deep with a 31 year old guy.

Ah - is Girlfriend’ an instagram thing?
IS HE ON INSTAGRAM???

@snowlady4 you would think so wouldn't you. But the rules have changed. There's a certain type of commitmentphobic user that will tell you just enough of what you want to hear and make it seem like it's all above board however, that lack of clarity gives them just enough room to claim; "hey, I never agreed we were an item" Etc when it suits them.

Go with the flow or ask him don’t start start ruining something because you’re stressing over a label. You’re as good as bf/gf.

Gosh yes, all quite complicated these days isn't it!
In which case, I suppose you have to make a little bit of an ultimatum, whilst also presumably seeming relaxed and unbothered, along the lines of, if we're not an item, then I'm not going to be sleeping with you," ideally before you start sleeping together.- and also being accepting of the response, either way.

@snowlady4 exactly 🙌🏻😊

I don’t think i’ve ever had anyone ask me to be their girlfriend! I have had plenty of relationships though.

I would reconfirm that you’re still exclusive if you’re doubting that. But 4 months exclusive dating and going on holiday, meeting friends etc = girlfriend / boyfriend in most people’s books I think.

I'm married with two kids too

Not sure how we got here. I was never asked to be a GF and was never a Fiancee before being married.

I don't understand the need for labels.

I've never been asked. Well, not since school days.

This is absolutely an adult thing as normalised by love island and other reality shows. Obviously, being 'exclusive' and then having to wait until you are asked by someone to be their girlfriend is mental. The fact a 31 year old is saying he doesn't want to rush things makes me think he's keeping you hanging on in case someone better comes along. I'm so glad I was young a long time ago, I couldn't be bothered with all this nonsense.

I think the majority of posters here are not Gen Z and just won’t understand you OP.

I am 60 but have Gen Z DC so I have come across this many times in conversation with them. It’s definitely “a thing”.

Maybe you could talk about your upcoming trip and say how you were explaining it to family/colleagues and they asked if he was your bf and you didn’t know how to respond? I think 3/4 months is usually the point where “exclusive” gets upgraded to BF/GF.

Good luck 💐

Another nearly 60 year old who has kids in 20’s and they start by”talking “ then “seeing someone “ move on to being “exclusive “ and then ask to be “girlfriend “
Very different from other generations. OP 4 months is long enough for him to make his flipping mind up! Have the conversation or ask him as others have suggested.
Good luck 🍀

It was a thing in my dating days, throughout teens and 20s and I’m in my 40s. It’s not new.

My partner never asked me. We started dating a few months ago. He told me from the off he was not talking or seeing anyone else had no interest and I was the same. We refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend but we are a bit older than you are so don't think we really need titles etc xxx

I've never been a relationship where someone said 'will you be my girlfriend'.

You're exclusive. That means you're eachother bf/gf/partner whatever you want to call it.

If it irks you so much I guess you could say 'I hope you don't think it's cringe or cheesy me calling you 'my boyfriend'? Then if he seems like he might not like that then ask him 'what would you call us then?' in a light-hearted way.

But I personally wouldn't bother. He's voting with his feet. He's with you and clearly wants to be.

This thread has made me feel so ancient and out of touch, and I I’m only 42 and met DP online less than a decade ago.

Generally speaking while dating:
There’s something to be said for avoiding intimacy until it’s established it’s a boyfriend/ girlfriend arrangement.
Otherwise he gets to shag around while you assume he’s your boyfriend. No commitment, no sex.

Best to clarify things beforehand.