Inappropriate movies at sleepovers

[Curiousitykillsthecat]

I can't decide if I'm being ridiculous or not. DS12 has been invited to a Halloween sleepover. I was delighted as doesn't get many invites. But the other kids are planning the movies they will watch and they are all 18+ including things like the SAW movies, etc. Hosting mum is pretty relaxed about it. But I don't think it's appropriate. My DS doesn't want to watch really scary films but does want to go to the party. I'm sad to say he can't go but I also don't feel it's right to be watching those movies at 12. Aibu to say DS can't go?

The parents might think their own kid won’t be upset by watching age-inappropriate horror. They have no way of knowing how the other 12 year olds might be affected. The kids won’t necessarily know in advance if they’ve not seen that sort of film before. They will be under pressure to agree from fear of being called ‘babyish’.
Loads of people on this thread have said they had bad experiences as a young teen, having nightmares for months etc. after watching horror films. So it’s not unreasonable to think it’s crap to put your child’s friends in a situation where they’re under peer pressure to watch films which are totally unsuitable for their age.

They will probably all bottle it.

In this situation I think the chances of permanent lasting actual harm are low compardd to say, drinking, parties and drug exposure in the coming years and as he becomes a teenager he will need to navigate difficult choices and peer pressure.

So i would take the position that I will support his choices, whether that's to go, stay home, go and have a back up plan to call home or get away if needed. The messaging would firmly be: its your decision and I've got your back whatever you decide. If you want to talk it through together, I'm your sounding board and I'm here for you.

Could you try watching SAW with him on a Saturday morning so he knows what he would be letting himself in for? That way he can make an informed choice about going and you have all afternoon to distract him if he doesn't like it and you cam stop the film at any point wothout shame or embarrassment?

It would be a no from me as well. Although I might double check with the parents, just in case. My son is 10 and finds the first Harry Potter film too scary to watch. I didn't watch a horror film until I was in my 20s.

I remember in my early teens having to see a psychologist, and one of the things that came up were my dreadful nightmares. My mum banned me from watching The X Files, which was my favourite programme.

Although I did have a sleepover for my 14th birthday, and I managed to get hold of a copy of 9 1/2 Weeks which we watched in my room. At a friend's sleepover, when I was about 15, they watched Seven in the morning, but me and my friend didn't want to watch something so horrific, and left beforehand. It's now one of my favourite films.

It's good that your DS has been vocal to his friends about not wanting to watch a horror though. A lot of kids might have gone along with it and then have a tough time processing it afterwards. If he doesn't go, maybe do something nice with him to make up for it.

My kids aren’t 12 yet, but I would have a very low opinion of a parent that invites round kids and shows 18 movies to 12 year olds. Do it with your own kids for all I care but it’s totally not on at a sleepover.

To me it’s like feeding meat to a vegetarian kid. You don’t make parenting decisions for other people’s kids.

This. I am a big horror/thriller fan, but such movies are for adults who can appreciate the campy creativity. Not for impressionable kids whose brains are still being wired.

Hard no.

Can you call the hosting parent to discuss?

My goodness, my 15 year old dd would absolutely hate this sort of film! I tried to get her to watch Misery, my favourite film, with me but she was having none of it. There are film certificates for a reason. I'd never let a bunch of underage kids watch it in my home

No way!

That movie is about diabolical, graphic and grotesque psychological and physical torture. It is in no way suitable for a child!

Come on. At some point missing a social event is the lesser of the evils.

It is beyond shitty parenting.

My comment needs to be read in conjunction with my comment above.

My view is that he is approaching teenage and young adulthood amd this is the first safe opportunity her son has to handle a difficult decision around peer pressure. I think it will do him the world of good to make his own decision, even if its the wrong one, because its a valuable lesson about doing things you aren't comfortable with to fit in with the IN crowd. Learning how to navigate this is worth more than ruling on it IMO.

I don’t think a daytime school environment is the same as an overnight party. For example - In a daytime school environment children would not be watching scary movies rated 18.

12 is still young. There are reasons to be cautious, the very existence of this thread proves the point.

It all depends on the child, and you know your son (and it sounds like he knows himself very well too!) so it’s a no. My DD at 12 would have been fine with it, but I can’t imagine my DS being the same in just a few years (although time will tell).

I wouldn’t ask them to consider a different film though - that will turn your DS into the party pooper. I agree with what PP said and make up a family emergency or something that means you’ll have to pick him up before the film starts.

I'm 52 and some 18 films I cannot watch.

If never dream of letting my 12 year old children watch an 18 movie. Ever.

Really can't believe what I'm reading in this thread. There are age guidances for a reason. Those commenting on kids who weren't allowed to watch some tv series, isn't applicable to this conversation. These are gory, violent, graphic films we're talking about. Anyone under 18 shouldn't be exposed to this level of violence. Yes maybe we can't stop our kids from doing things behind our backs but actively approving it is another thing. By not allowing it we are sending the message that this isn't appropriate for you and shouldn't be watched. If we say it's ok then we always have the conflict and different allowances that us parents have to deal with other parents. It's awful when you can't trust the parents of your DCs friends to look out for them properly and do the right thing when in their care. Letting them watch someone being hacked to death or split open in two with a knife etc...shouldn't even be a conversation.

I absolutely love horror and always have, but even I think it's really sad that a 12 year old feels they have to watch Saw, which with its emphasis on torture and terror is really quite nasty, particularly at an 'official' sleepover

I watched video nasties at about 13, but secretly, under the counter from the video shop from my mates big brother

Can't imagine a mum hosting a party and showing SAW, wtf is wrong with those parents

I remember watching candy man and the Freddie Kruger movies at 12 at a friends house. She was a huge horror movie fan. My parents would have never let me watch them 😬 Didn't scare me and tbh they were comical if anything. Saw however is quite gruesome. I think the older horror movies (excluding IT I hate clowns) are less scary.

It is personal choice and depends on your child. For example if my child wanted to watch a scary shark movie I would be ok with it. Let's be fair they are a bit silly rather than scary. Saw I would say no. I think it's good to pre vet films and some parents probably haven't (or wouldn't) have done this.

My youngest is sixteen and I wouldn’t let him watch Saw! I genuinely think that when you are hosting other people’s children you have a responsibility to ensure that they don’t watch in appropriate shit.

I had a friend who wouldn’t let her children watch Harry Potter. I strongly disagreed with her but FLEW downstairs when I heard the opening credits while her son was at ours for a sleepover

Watching films that your parents wouldn't approve of is the entire point of a Halloween sleepover. I wouldn't let my DCs watch Saw but that's only because it's rubbish - get a triple bill of An American Werewolf in London, It Follows and The Fog going then we can talk...

I wouldn't allow it. There must be plenty of other horror films more age appropriate. I remember having a sleepover at a friend's when I was 12 and we watched Basic Instinct!! The mum was fully aware, although not in the room when we were watching it.

12 year old boys wouldn't have the headspace for it follows

I would ask to talk to the mum privately. I'd make sure I didn't sound judgmental
But heard that they were going to watch horror. You don't feel that's right for your particular boy but he's so keen to go.
Is it true they're watching horror movie and if so do you know when, so that you could either drop him off for the sleepover after the movie or pick him up before it's on?

Make it all about your rules for your boy as he's sensitive, don't let it slip that your boy is scared in case the friends find out and don't make it seem at all judgmental to the mum or she'll get cross and not invite you again.

I would say it depends on the child. I wasn't allowed to watch horror films (didn't really stop me) but I was a huge horror fan from around 13 - and to be honest the books I got from the library (and was allowed to get) were much much worse than any films I have seen. I think if you aren't happy with the sleepover then don't let our child go.

I was reading Stephen King novels from around 12 and was ok with that but watched a Nightmare on Elm Street movie at a sleepover at the same age and was traumatised. A no from me.

Very much depends on the 12 year old boys in question.

Guessing - the prevalence of mobile phones these days and what they're probably watching and taking photos of (and posting)

Minefield