Inappropriate movies at sleepovers

[Curiousitykillsthecat]

I can't decide if I'm being ridiculous or not. DS12 has been invited to a Halloween sleepover. I was delighted as doesn't get many invites. But the other kids are planning the movies they will watch and they are all 18+ including things like the SAW movies, etc. Hosting mum is pretty relaxed about it. But I don't think it's appropriate. My DS doesn't want to watch really scary films but does want to go to the party. I'm sad to say he can't go but I also don't feel it's right to be watching those movies at 12. Aibu to say DS can't go?

Firm no from me too. There’s a big difference between a creepy film and those grotesque gore fests. Can’t they just watch Beetlejuice?!

I remember watching Seven at a sleepover when I was about 12, I had nightmares for months (it gives me a horribly sick uneasy feeling now even thinking about it in my 40s- even though it’s not one of the scariest out there- the memory of how it made me feel has stayed with me). I think kids have hugely difference tolerances to scary films, and it’s fine to carefully judge this with your own kids, but not fair to impose them on others. Good for your DS for speaking up about it OP

I kind of think watching 'age inappropriate' films is the standard fare of sleepovers to some extent..

However, you know your kid and if they'd genuinely struggle with something its definitely good to give them an out like 'ill say you're not allowed, it's me thats the meanie' or 'I can call with an emergency and come get you' plan if necessary.

Does depend on what they're watching though... I wasn't easily scared by gore, I have watched all sorts of horror, Stephen Kings IT is one of my all time favourites, as is The Green Mile... and some very gory early 80s stuff, all the Hell Raisers, Elm Sts etc, all well under 15.. never mind 18.

I can't do jump scare films though, I've watched one of the Final Destination series and cannot watch the others! They have my adrenalin through the roof and can't calm down for days!

I don't like the more modern psychological wobbly camera stuff though, and I think it can lead to silly teenager hysterical behaviour in some kids.

Best bet is to have a chat with hosting mum, possibly mention that them watching 18's if they mention it in school, could stir up unnecessary trouble, see what she says.

My 13 year old enjoys horror films, I was the same at that age. My older 2 dc have never really been fans though.

It sounds like he doesn't really want to go due to the film choices , if he did he wouldn't have told you

I think I would let him go. Saw is 100% totally inappropriate for that age but from your update you say it’s included in the moves they may watch.

I would be sure that other kids parents would be thinking similar to you and not be keen on that kind of violence. It’s possible it won’t be screening at all and they may watch other movies. If he is at the sleepover and they watch, and he is uncomfortable, could he text you to pick him up? When you pick him up you could pretend you have a family emergency, “Sorry boys, our great aunt Mildred has passed, we need to travel early tomorrow to (town) to support family.”

How many movies would the kids watch in reality as well as be talking, eating, playing video games and looking at phones (and who knows what they will look up on those). Will they bunker down for hours for a movie marathon or just have a movie on as background noise?

I would let him go (but have the backup plan to pick him up, if Saw or similar movies are being screened as the main event).

Why are sleep overs a red flag?

@WhatsInTheRug

If the parents lax enough to allow that then what else could go on there

• my 12 year old is obsessed either horror movies. I watch loads with her. Nothing else goes on here.

If the parents hosting the sleepover don’t share the same standards as you then your child is vulnerable to seeing, hearing, possibly even doing things which cannot be unseen, unheard and undone. The experience of a sleepover may not be worth the risks involved.

A 🚩 means a warning, something to be cautious about. Sleepovers are definitely an activity to be cautious about.

This thread is an example.

No. Saw is horrific. Not appropriate at all. Don’t let him go.

@AgileGreenSeal

"If the parents hosting the sleepover don’t share the same standards as you then your child is vulnerable to seeing, hearing, possibly even doing things which cannot be unseen, unheard and undone. The experience of a sleepover may not be worth the risks involved.

A 🚩 means a warning, something to be cautious about. Sleepovers are definitely an activity to be cautious about.

This thread is an example"

The child is 12, let's face it there's just as much chance of them seeing, hearing and doing things their parents wouldn't approve of every day at school. I would understand your point more if the child was younger.

School is compulsory; sleepovers are not.

OP, your son - very maturely - doesn't want to watch an age-inappropriate horror movie. His friends don't sound like they are mature or considerate enough to accommodate him, so I'd give him an out.

Could you or his dad take him out somewhere else nice instead?

Fond memories of watching totally inappropriate horror movies when we were young (Freddie Krueger!). We’d have a good laugh terrifying each other. I think under twelve, maybe not. But older than that, kids can figure things out themselves?

I would get him out of that. There's absolutely no way I would allow my child to sleepover in a house where the parents are so irresponsible. It's shit parenting to expose your own children to inappropriate film content but it's even worse to then knowingly do the same to other people's children.

So you decline the invitation.

You don't get to dictate what they watch in their house at their Halloween party.

Problem solved. Say you have other arrangements. Your son has already outed himself to his friends as not wanting to watch the films. So it is very much a case of declining not dictating (or trying to at least).

I think I was about 12 when I watched a nightmare on elm street at a sleepover. It absolutely terrified me at the time but it's now one of my favourite horror films. After watching it at 12 I became fascinated with horror and finding new things just as scary. I'm mid 40s now and still love horror! (Not that there's anything good out these days).
I would still advise not to watch these things though at that age. Because despite it triggering a love of horror for me in the long run it probably won't in most children!

I think what you meant to say is they can do what they want at their party and your son can stay home and watch Beetlejuice instead. You don't choose what happens at someone else's house you do at your own.

I don't want to derail the thread, and I agree with the rest of your comment, but school is not compulsory, education is but it doesn't have to be at school.

On topic, I don't let my 15 yo watch 18 films so I definitely wouldn't let a 12yo. I would decline the sleepover and maybe organise something for this group at your house another time so you can ensure it's suitable (although to be honest they don't sound great kids to be hanging out with if they have such lax parents).

At 12 I would be ok with 15 films, not 18

My DD went to a sleepover birthday where, unbeknownst to me in advance, they watched an 18 film... she was primary age. I was not best pleased.
It is OK for a parent to make these decisions on behalf of their own children but not on behalf of others.
In this case it could be that these lads are suggesting these films amongst themselves and the hosting parent knows nothing of this.

That’s just not true. I have multiple children. The youngest are not allowed to watch anything the oldest would have been allowed to watch at the same age. I watch some older things with the eldest child, but not with younger siblings present.

There’s no race to watch 15/18 rated things. (Depends a lot on why something has that age rating though and I do use my common sense). There’s still MASSES of age appropriate things we can all enjoy watching together.

I was traumatised aged 12 watching scary films, I can still get jumpy now 35 years on. I was petrified for years, my friend always had sleepovers and her parents would let he choose what she wanted and it was always horrors. There are still a bag of toy clowns in the attic and my mums house. I think if i had been older it would not have had the effect on me that it did. My parents where quite strict about age appropriate - I remember my whole year in school watching Twin Peaks and my mum wouldn't let me - I think I was the only one not allowed to watch it

about 15 years ago I sat down and re watched some of the old horrors and realised how bad and fake they were, but the damage had already been done

It's a tough one. The parents may not know and if you tell them it could cause issues for him.

The kids could be bluffing. I'd speak to mum and ask for more details without mentioning what you know.

If it's looking likely they are watching 18s and you are considering letting him go he needs to realise once he's there he's kind of stuck he either watches it or risks teasing. If he goes home he will get laughed at. Kids are dicks and school is tough. .He could not watch and try to brazen it out saying it's boring etc. But it will not be an easy situation to navigate.

The nearest mine got to horror at that age were the old 50's films that are so tame. I also hosted a Rocky horror party around that age (for adults) and let my dc plus best friend (plus family) come, the dc all wore lab coats!

I would absolutely not let mine go. But I can see how hard it is as a 12 year old to say no to other 12 year olds without looking a bit soft, wrong as that may be. I remember making my excuses and making a swift exit when my friends and I were choosing a film to see at the cinema and they wanted to see Scream 2 or something along those lines, and I was 21. I still cannot watch horrors, I really don't like them, and cannot for the life of me understand why anyone finds entertainment in them. Fair enough if you do, but I don't. Some kids just let it wash over them and are fine, but some can be really traumatised. I wouldn't want that for my child. I hope you find a way to rescue him from this!

I see lots of people share that they watched this kind of movie when they were 11/12/13 and that they were fine, some even enjoyed it, no harm done etc.
However I suppose even if some kids are fine and enjoy it it could still be damaging - it might not be obvious but being exposed to sights, feelings, ideas that they are not emotionally developed to process is likely damaging even if there are never any signs of impact. There are so many genres and also lots of suitable horror type films that are age appropriate that they could explore if they are specifically interested in horror. I just think watching 18s that young as unnecessary and pretty irresponsible of adults especially if the viewers are not their own kids.