Inappropriate movies at sleepovers

[Curiousitykillsthecat]

I can't decide if I'm being ridiculous or not. DS12 has been invited to a Halloween sleepover. I was delighted as doesn't get many invites. But the other kids are planning the movies they will watch and they are all 18+ including things like the SAW movies, etc. Hosting mum is pretty relaxed about it. But I don't think it's appropriate. My DS doesn't want to watch really scary films but does want to go to the party. I'm sad to say he can't go but I also don't feel it's right to be watching those movies at 12. Aibu to say DS can't go?

He doesn’t have to watch it though.

I remember being at a sleepover as a teenager and horror films being put on. I had never seen a horror film before and didn’t want to watch it.

I turned my back to the tv and practiced my signature, writing style, doodled ! Obviously I was with girls but they never made fun of me.

While I don't expect your son to do that, he could just play on his phone, could keep ear buds in etc.

I wouldn't watch it - let alone with a 12 year-old!

Nonsense. He's 12, not 17. There are decisions that young children simply do not get to make for themselves.

Whether or not to watch torture porn is one of them.

YANBU to say no, and it is ten days to go so not letting the host mum down at the last minute.

I'm a huge horror fan, and my 9th birthday sleepover was a double bill of Evil Dead/Evil Dead 2. But no, the SAW films are not appropriate for a 12 year old.

Totally inappropriate for a 9 year old. No two ways about it. It’s not a badge of honour. You were let down as a child, I’m sorry.

Like it or not, 12 is the average age most teens have seen pornography. Like actual pornograpghy, not hyperbole about a gorey film.

I'd rather support my child to make the right decision and know that they can talk to me knowing that ill have their back rather than just telling them my way is the law. It might just be because I went to a shit school, but by that age I'd been exposed to drink and knew kids in the year above taking drugs. Many of the 12/13 y/o girls were being groomed by older boys thay should have known better.

For thise reason, id see this as an opportunity to empower a 12yo to decide whether to stand up to friends and say, No, this isn't for me, I'll pass, or let him go, knowing he already thinks it's a bad idea but is a safe learning opportunity, I'll take it. I'd rather him go and regret it himself and consider if he wants to be led by that group than shield him now and wait until he is 13/14 and having to make a difficult decision about following the crowd with those same kids and feeling like because its more serious e.g. sex, that he can't talk to me about it because he knows it would break my rules.

Let's agree to differ on how we would handle it and not derail the thread.

As ways to be let down as a child go, an Evil Dead double bill is a pretty good one.

In a huge horror fan but it’s just bit right to allow 9 year olds to watch 18 rated films. Classifications exist for a reason.

Gets all the No from this old fashioned one.

People who are competitive about watching porn and horror at a ridiculously young age are a bit pathetic tbh.

And I say that as someine who loves horror movies.

Making your 9 year old mates watch an evil dead double bill is not cool, it's just extremely weird.

You said exactly what I wanted to say - thankyou!

Making your 9 year old mates watch an evil dead double bill is not cool, it's just extremely weird.

It's not weird at all. A lot of children are always going to be fascinated by anything with the potential to scare and/or disgust them, and will take any opportunity to seek it out, then share it with others to scare/disgust them. Far from being weird it's very normal.

The Evil Dead films are basically live action cartoons anyway, hence their appeal.

The point is that children's brains, neurological systems, coping skills, emotional sensibilities, etc., are NOT the same as adults'. Adults know that they are seeing fictional material. They can compartmentalize.

Anyone who thinks that watching people be tormented, tortured, chopped up, etc. isn't going to have an adverse effect on a child is a) deluding themselves and b) irresponsible.

There is no good reason to feed such imagery and storylines into the developing brain of a young child.

For a 9 year old not to be disturbed by the Evil Dead, particularly the part where the woman is penetrated by a tree root, they would have to either dissociate or already be desensitised. Neither is good and why your parents thought they had the right to make that decision is deeply odd.

and will take any opportunity to seek it out, then share it with others to scare/disgust them

Hmm. I don't think that's normal at all if I'm honest (the part about having to scare and disgust others because you were scared and disgusted yourself). I'd honestly have a think about that.

Who said they wouldn't be disturbed? Where did you get that from what I posted?

What? So you are saying they would have been disturbed? And that was ok?

I'm not sure I'm missing something in your posts but they seem very strange. For context I went to the cinema to see Terrifier 2, so I'm not a massive prude, not that it matters.

As I was reading this OP I was thinking about when I watched nightmare on elm street as a child and was bloody scared by it and thought about it for years. It is great he has told you. It is so hard isn’t it, peer pressure, but I think you’re absolutely right to say no. It I would check with the mum first, she might not have actually okayed it. I bet lots of the kids haven’t told their parents so while all of them are calling your DS babyish, I bet most of the parents would feel the same as you and likely don’t know the plan

I'd say 15 rating films are ok, but not 18.

Talk to the mum, I assume you're on that level to do so if you're letting your child sleep round their house. If she can't reassure you I'd arrange with my DS to fake an illness. Then he can save face and not feel like the baby that's not allowed to go, because mummy said so!

My colleague let his kids watch IT, an 18 rating when they were 11 (year 6) and it ended up going on safeguarding notes. The child wasn't even scared or complaining - more like bragging at school, but they won't care. Secondary school might not bother flagging it though.

She's watched her phone with earbuds in.... of course she did loooool.

I'm sure she'll also be making herself a pot of tea while her friends all try cider for the first time too.

She really was - she hates scary stuff - and she does drink tea and knit too!! Different kids have different views and we’ve got a great relationship so she doesn’t feel the need to lie to me

Haha... I knitted when I was a teenage girl too! But drank way too much cider in-between.

I think being a girl in the peer pressure scenario is so much easier, boys have to look tough and unbothered. If girls watched a horror and one was scared and upset, I think the other girls would comfort the girl and turn it off. Boys would just make fun of the boy!

Not really sure what you think my parents have to do with anything? I didn't see Evil Dead till I was in my 20s and very far from home.

Again, it's perfectly normal for young people to want to watch disturbing, scary films, specifically because they are disturbing and scary. Whether they should be allowed to do so is an entirely different matter. I don't let our DCs watch any 18-certs - certainly not horror films - but had many entertaining evenings with friends watching films we were way too young for.

No you still don't get to dictate what other people do in their home.

If you don't want your child to participate that is fine too. Just stay home.