About DD's name

[user873628]

DH and I have a 9 month old DD. We chose the name Lottie for her, but wanted her to have a formal name so her BC is Charlotte. We always intended to call her Lottie and never call her Charlotte. When she is bigger she may choose to go by Charlotte/Charlie but for now she is definitely Lottie.

In laws hate the name Lottie and always have. They say it sounds like a Victorian servant and is ridiculous and refuse to use it. I find this rude, DH doesn't. In laws do a lot to help us out and are kind people at heart but there is a lot of history between us. Won't go in to what but it's important for the sake of this thread as a small issue ('please call her Lottie') could descend in to absolute chaos quite quickly.

DD is at the age where she should be learning her name, and so I've asked DH to ask in-laws to call her Lottie whilst she is learning it, so as not to confuse her, particularly when they have her for an hour or two without us. DH said he would but they've just come to take her out and repeatedly called her Charlotte and DH said absolutely nothing. I've asked him why now that they've left and he said it's going to cause a huge issue and he doesn't want to get involved. AIBU to want her called by the name we use at the moment?

Just to add, I have no issue with them using Charlotte when she's bigger, but right now she is learning her name and I want to avoid confusion.

I actually think it's good to have relatives call her the full name so she also gets used to it. Most people would call her Lottie so I doubt it would confuse her. A lot of us had different relatives calling us by their own nicknames and some used our full government name. It was fun to have all those names as separate.

Let it go.

I'm not sure why everyone thinks I'm trying to point score against them. I have tried to be as fair as possible in my description of the situation and then accepted I was unreasonable. I was simply asking if it was unreasonable, which apparently it was so fair enough. I wasn't demanding they be burned at the stake.

My daughter gave herself her nickname when she started to talk, she always got Alannia or Lania but she called herself Lani, it's stuck. Your daughter will know her name regardless of who calls her what, I wouldn't choose this hill to die on. When she's older she might insist to her GPS that it's Lottie, not Charlotte 🤷🏻‍♀️

Do not give them the satisfaction.

DD will not be damaged developmentally if otherwise. She is hearing you being called mum plus your real name.

smile at the CFILs, and enjoy your Victorian servant

I think you're overthinking this. My grandpa always called all five of us grandchildren by our full names, not nicknames. It was just how he was.

Your daughter may well decide soon enough that she much prefers Charlotte to Lottie. It's her name, she gets to decide.

Charlotte is a lovely name, it’s mine so I’m biased 😌. Always been Charlie to my DF, Charlotte to most others, with the occasional Chas/Shaz/Sharle. I have never been confused, even as a small child.

DF always called me Charlie as he hates Lottie, if anyone called me that I didn’t respond then, just as I wouldn’t now. I knew which names were acceptable to me and which weren’t, your DD will choose her preference.

"For those asking, no, I don't like Charlotte at all. DH and I have very different taste in names and Lottie was a huge compromise from me at nearly 6 weeks old when we had to pick something. It was the only one we could sort of agree on."

It's not too late to change her first name on her birth certificate. You just need to make sure you do it before her first birthday.

What middle name does she have? You could swap them, or give her a new first name and use Charlotte as a middle name instead. Although if you don't actually like the name at all, it should never have been on the table.

Let me guess - you took DH's surname after you got married, and DD has his surname too?

This has something to do with the fact she's your MIL - you even mention there's bad blood between you. Your husband doesn't want to cause tension with them, which makes sense. Saying it's confusing for your daughter is a) causing her a disservice (children aren't stupid) and b) contradictory - you said yourself you gave Charlotte as the full name incase she wanted to change it in the future, ie if she doesn't like Lottie, so it works both ways, if her grandparents call her Charlotte and she doesn't like it, she'll be able to call herself something different when she's older just like you've set her up to do.

you're being quite unfair

She won't get confused.

My parents call my DS his full name because they preferred it to the short version we chose to use.

I didn't mind.

It became a nice little special thing between them.

He's 25 now and he always uses his short name but to grandma and grandad he's still always Benjamin (not actual name but similar type situation.)

It's sweet.

You can chose to get het up about it or not.

Charlotte is a gorgeous name btw!

Really? Because of this?
What is this world coming to??

Her names Charlotte. They're using her name, whats the problem? Are you honestly telling me you never refer to her as baby/darling/sweetheart??

I'm with everyone who says they're calling her the name you actually gave her, on her birth certificate, that she will be officially called everywhere, including at school on official documentation. I think you better get used to it now.

"An hour or two without us" that is childcare!

Just to give you a bit of hope, my parents couldn’t agree on my name so a traditional name was chosen for on my birth certificate (think along lines of Catherine) but I’ve never ever been called that in my life, except by doctors and even then there’s a bit now that says ‘known as’ with my normal every day name on it. Even banking, it’s my known as name. If someone called my birth certificate name out, I wouldn’t even flinch. To me it’s my ‘legal’ name, but not my name iykwim.

never been confused about my name and
your wee girl won’t be either I’m sure.

No it’s not

YABU Charlotte is her name and you should predominately be calling her that and not taking offence when others call her by her actual name.

What is going to happen when her teachers call her name on the register and she has no idea who they’re talking about.

Her name is Charlotte and most will call her that.
When she’s older she may choose to use her nickname instead.

I don’t understand why DH got to choose a name that you don’t even like!

This should have obviously been sorted out months ago but neither of you get to trump a name.

You find one you both agree on.

Its not too late to change her name.

Why should they predominantly call her Charlotte?? They want to call her Lottie, so that's what they should call her.

some seriously cuckoo people on MN

Of course it is. Who's caring for the child when op and dad aren't there then?

This is why when I named my children I refused to name them anything other than what I wanted to call them.

I came up against a lot of resistance when I named my fourth child Max, and refused to put Maximus or Maximilian on his birth certificate because that wasn't his name, his name is Max and that's what his birth certificate says.

If it were me I'd probably be heading back to the registrar and changing it so her name is officially Lottie.

This isnt about the name - that is just on incident on a long trail of hurt and ridiculous volatile behaviour from the IL that has you now walking on eggshells and on a short leash - you repressed anger (justifiable) is building resentment.

Read up on Toxic ILs and look to go grey rock, LC and NC - because these people will rob your joy of motherhood and erode your family. Their behaviour is already undrmining your marriage.

OP, I feel bad for you. Everyone is shouting at you that her name is Charlotte not Lottie so of course you are being unreasonable, but you didn't want Charlotte at all but allowed your DH to get his own way as he would only be happy with a 'traditional' name on the BC. Your in-laws are deliberately going against your wishes that she should be called Lottie and your DH doesn't want to challenge them.

It's obvious that there is a back story of overbearing behaviour and over-stepping from your PILs. The only thing you can do is try and cut down on the amount of visits from PIL (a few times a week is a lot) so they have fewer opportunities to upset you.

I don’t know if it’s a Scottish thing but so many of my Scottish relatives were called random names that had nothing to do with their actual names, I don’t just mean nicknames but actual names, I never did find out why. I think people, even kids, can adapt very quickly to having numerous names applied to them.

I totally get your annoyance OP. My son has a classic name on his BC but we were always planning on a specific shortened version (not saying which, MN tend to hate it 🤣). If anyone insisted on calling him by the long version (or a different common shortening) I'd be so irritated. He's 11 now and if we are at a Dr or somewhere that call him by his BC name he always corrects them.

Your DH is being ridiculously spineless. Take solace in the fact your daughter will correct then soon enough

Couldn't agree more.

Her Name is on the birth certificate and that's what they're using yet op is getting upset they won't call her by something else.

If you wanted her to be named Lottie then that's what you should have named her.