About DD's name

[user873628]

DH and I have a 9 month old DD. We chose the name Lottie for her, but wanted her to have a formal name so her BC is Charlotte. We always intended to call her Lottie and never call her Charlotte. When she is bigger she may choose to go by Charlotte/Charlie but for now she is definitely Lottie.

In laws hate the name Lottie and always have. They say it sounds like a Victorian servant and is ridiculous and refuse to use it. I find this rude, DH doesn't. In laws do a lot to help us out and are kind people at heart but there is a lot of history between us. Won't go in to what but it's important for the sake of this thread as a small issue ('please call her Lottie') could descend in to absolute chaos quite quickly.

DD is at the age where she should be learning her name, and so I've asked DH to ask in-laws to call her Lottie whilst she is learning it, so as not to confuse her, particularly when they have her for an hour or two without us. DH said he would but they've just come to take her out and repeatedly called her Charlotte and DH said absolutely nothing. I've asked him why now that they've left and he said it's going to cause a huge issue and he doesn't want to get involved. AIBU to want her called by the name we use at the moment?

Just to add, I have no issue with them using Charlotte when she's bigger, but right now she is learning her name and I want to avoid confusion.

shouldn't not should!

She might prefer Charlotte.

Her name is Charlotte, Lottie is the nickname.

Oh ha just seen your name is Charlotte. Lovely name in my eyes.

The issue here is that you gave your child a name you don’t like in the hope that everyone would call her something else.

@BunnyLake indeed or Charlie but she will dictate to her GP if she does/doesn't want a particular name.

She won't necessarily. I had a friend at school (Indian) whose name was mispronounced by the PE teacher every single PE lesson from Y7 to Y13 and she never said a word about it.

She might well also prefer Charlotte or Charley, especially when she hits teenage years and wants to differentiate herself from her family.

Either way, I don't think she's going to get confused.

@BunnyLake her name is whatever her parents decide. If they want her to be known as Lottie then that is what people should call her. It's very disrespectful to say that Lottie is a ridiculous name.

But I hazard a guess that this will be a minor issue compared what's to come.

Dear lord OP. Your daughter's name is Charlotte but you wish to call her Lottie. Her grandparents want to call her Charlotte. This really is no big deal and your DH is absolutely right. It is not a hill to die on and a very silly thing to get your knickers in a twist about. They're not calling her Gladys or Desdamona are they? I have a similarly traditional name but longer and when I was growing up it was shortened to one thing by my Dad, another by my Mum, another by my brother and my grandma called me Babs (which had no relevance to my name at all). I always knew what my fucking name was and I am not mentally or emotionally damaged! This isn't about the name though is it, it's about point scoring with your in laws.

@BunnyLake that's not my real name. Charlotte Lucas is from Pride and Prejudice :)

I think it’s probably not a bad thing for her to realise she has two names. After all, she is also learning that most people get called (and respond to) different names depending on the speaker.

I don't even remember all the versions of my name I grew up with. I was glad to become an adult and tell people the version I wanted to use, but it didnt harm me.

I think as the old saying goes, you dont have an in law problem, you have a DH problem.

Yes she will. When I was 13 I insisted no one use my full name. It took a bit of work but I got there eventually, even my own mum didn’t use my full name again for the rest of her life (another 70yrs). But it was my choice as it should be the girl’s choice once she’s older. In the meantime I don’t see the harm in her having both names.

I feel for you OP as it sounds like the root issue is that you don't actually like the name Charlotte and that you and DH couldn't agree on anything.

It doesn't matter how many of us tell you that Charlotte is a beautiful name - if you don't like it, you don't like it. And none of this can change the fact that it's your DD's registered name.

There are boys and girls all over the world with longer 'formal' names who might be known as any kind of derivative of those names, or pet names, and they all manage just fine. But the problem is that you agreed to a formal birth name that you don't actually like. And you also have to face the fact that your DD might also prefer to be a Charlotte rather than a Lottie, regardless of the issues with your inlaws and with DH.

Yeh, my daughter decided to introduce herself as a nickname that DH occasionally calls her (but no-one else has ever used) at a holiday playgroup once.

It caused some chaos at pick up when DH asked for her by her real name and they said they had no child by that name.

She's never done it before or since, and just said she thought it would be fun to go by a different name for the day. Policing what people call your child is going to get messy when your child doesn't co-operate.

Her name is Charlotte. It's her given name. They aren't calling her something random. Lottie is a nickname. Everyone doesn't have to call her it. It could be your special name for her..I think your making an issue out of nothing. If you wanted her called Lottie you should have actually named her Lottie. Even the she would get called T, Lot, Ottoe.

The thing is names seem to get shortened/adapted whatever name is used.
If the OP had just used Lottie on the birth certificate she'd probably end up being called Lotts or Lotto or Lot Lot and the Grandparents would be all huffy and saying "Her name is Lottie" 😁

I mean they’re calling her her name?

I don’t quite understand the issue…..

Another commenter who grew up with several names used simultaneously by different people (if your parents choose to give you a fussy four-syllable name, I guess that's a likely outcome...). It didn't confuse me and I didn't mind. I think I even liked it a little bit.

So no, really not a hill to die on. Whether you find your DH too accommodating of his parents is a different matter, but what you describe here isn't sufficient evidence that this is the case. Anyway, I hope you find an MO that suits everyone.

I think that's quite an unfair assumption. I would just ask my mum to use Lottie and she wouldn't make an issue out of it.

At 6 weeks I don't really think there is much more time to hold out. It felt as if we had exhausted all options.

I was in your exact position, gave out DD a 'nickname' name we liked, and put the full version on the birth certificate.MIL told us at every opportunity that it was disrespectful to call someone by their nickname, she was heartbroken that her grandchild had to put up with it, and she always used the full name. It did cause a bit of friction but DD is 10 now and uses both and it's a non issue.
It did cause a bit of confusion when they had a supply teacher at school who read her full name and DD didn't answer, so geg her to learn both

I don't think she'll get confused by this - think of all the kids growing up in bilingual households. Yes, it's a bit irritating, and it's rude of them to make such a fuss about it, but honestly, I couldn't be bothered to get worked up about this. Charlotte is her name, which you chose, so just let them call her by it. Keep the peace. It's good to have in-laws on side and this just isn't worth falling out about.

My mum has a thing about certain names being servant names, particularly shortened versions of longer traditional names. So many names I liked she’d say “oh that’s a servant’s name” it’s weird isn’t it! In the end I stopped discussing baby name ideas with her!

I fail to see what’s wrong with her getting used to both. She’ll very likely be called Charlotte once she starts school - unless you don’t give her official name.

My dd1 has a name with various shorter variants, all of which have been used throughout her life. It has honestly never bothered her, or me.