Cheeky grandma putting her granddaughter over our fence

[whatsitallaboutthenhey]

Posted about this grandma before.

Dd has a friend from schools grandmother, who lives at the back of us. The child was often at our house on a Sunday or Dd was there, I didnt mind as it gave Dd an easy playmate, but this child has recently started to say mean things, so I’ve backed off.
Dh has taken Dd out for the day and then she’s due to go to another neighbour friends house for a quick play when they’re back.
I’ve just been sat here in my pjs, under duvet watching Netflix, having a lazy day, when I see this child at the back patio window stood there looking in, gave me such a shock 🙈Ddog starts barking her head off. I say through the glass that Dd isn’t here today, she goes off and I hear her telling her grandma and playing in the garden…?! Am I uptight or is this a bit cheeky? Her grandma will have had to lift her over our back garden fence onto our garden bench.
Similar happened a few weeks ago when I was in alone as Dd at a party and they drove outside the front of the house, calling DD’s name out of the window and asking if she could come in to play.
The grandma has my number, so could have just Whatsapped me if she wanted to see about a play date
I just found it to be a real invasion of privacy to just be at the back patio window looking in, out of nowhere

Whatzapp her and say you were in the lounge doing your bikini line and it was not ok to realise her gg was staring through the window.
You will have to be clear that when your dd isn't there you do not expect other children and it is a safegaudi g issue if you haven't been asked and they are dumped in the garden.
Whatbof you have been upstairs, you wouldn't have a clue she was there and could fall off the bench trying to get back over.
I appreciate it is a difficult one to combat.

No it isn’t normal now ie it is not common practice because people today are so insular and precious about their space. As I said everything has to be arranged now and put on the calendar or it doesn’t happen. This is not a good thing. Spontaneity is good for children.

tell the mother that you'll be reporting the GM to SS if it happens up again - she's clearly not taking responsibility or caring for the child if she's dumping her into someone else's garden.

It was NEVER normal to let yourself into someone else's private space! No one is saying anything about not being spontaneous.

But op said she didn’t like them coming to the front either. She ought to be pleased that her child has a friend that wants to spend time with her, not doing everything she can to put the child off.

Popping round and spontaneously knocking on the door - ok
Putting your grandchild into someone else's private back garden without their permission - not ok.

I grew up in the 70s and it was definitely not OK to "spontaneously" climb into other people's gardens then either.

Maybe @GrannyRose15 is your neighbour OP....

Did you miss this part in the first para?

...but this child has recently started to say mean things, so I’ve backed off.

Why should she expose her DD to this?

Like GM like GD

As every single poster said last time - BOUNDARIES!
You need to tell, not ask, her that this will not be happening again. Drop a please in if you have to but you aren't asking for a nice favour here, you are telling a CF not to do something that leaves you feeling uncomfortable in your own home and is potentially unsafe for the kid.
She isn't listening to you when you're politely asking if you own child can come home when you want them to, so you're going to need to be very clear and every firm going forwards.

Definitely create some boundaries
Hi CFGran, please call/message before any play dates, rather than simply sending GD round, it isn’t always convenient. Thanks

Goodness @GrannyRose15 which decade/where was this behaviour ever "normal"?

I was born in the 60's, one of 4 kids, and this NEVER happened where I grew up in the 60's/70's/80s, and then into the 90's when I had my own kids.

People had manners where I grew up, never presumed their GC were wanted before asking

It's not acceptable. Definitely need to politely say not to do it again. If you want to give a reason, say it's an invasion of your privacy. Ask if she wants dgd to see you & dh naked?
Also, van youive sest slightly & put a dpukey plant in the way? A nice prickly holly in a tub, so you csn move it elsewhere later?

I agree with @Fugliest , @MissScarletInTheBallroom , @neonjumper and all the other posters who've said not to make excuses.
Being vague or making excuses might mean you won't get the issue sorted to your liking. Being direct doesn't mean you have to have a falling out with someone, it's perfectly possible to be politely direct and remain on good terms.

CFs have hides of rhinos - thats how they dominate and take. She wont be 'hurt' by a firm message.

Need to be direct - rinse and repeat the same simple message - dont get drawn in on anything.

Look at this as an opportunity for personal development.

It is an invasion of your privacy. I'd message and say your daughter isn't in but 'you would love to see the girls play together another time. Please message me to arrange rather than popping granddaughter over the fence'

Treat your new found garden person like a ball and refuse to give her back. Soon stop being thrown over the fence 🙂

Not sure about that. It would be more likely to confirm that it was reasonable.
After all - this the way that we all used to live, certainly in working class communities. Kids and adults would always be popping by/in. The kids to ask "Is *** playing out?"; the adult neighbours to share some news. Many of us didn't even have a landline till the mid-60s. Lifting a young child over a garden fence would be unusual - but not definitively wrong.

Just text Grandma asking her if she was aware her GD had managed to get over the fence this morning? Say you were really shocked to see her as you hadn't arranged a play date. You could say you were worried about GD injuring herself so thing it's best she comes round the front if you have a play date arranged in future.

Yes, that's not a bad approach - and suggest she might want to have a word about how that isn't polite behaviour.

Maybe start doing that. Really go at. If the kid sees then grandma shouldn't stick the kid in ur garden.

Whatsapp her and just tell her not to put her granddaughter over the fence anymore. In fact, I would tell her that due to the fact her granddaughter was mean to your child, she can't come over at all for the time being.

Don’t talk nonsense. Are you willing me your parents always arranged your play dates because I don’t believe it. At that time children were not supervised every minute of the day. Parents didn’t necessarily know where they were and whose house they had gone to play in. So long as they turned up for meals all was well. When my children were little (80s) I might have the whole street round at mine for most of the day in school holidays.

You are missing the point that the grandma DID try and arrange this by putting rhe dd over the fence.

It’s obviously not acceptable but it sounds like the grandma comes from a background/area where kids just call for each other and hang out in each others’ houses all the time. I grew up in an area/time like that, nobody really made prior arrangements, back gates and doors were always open, neighbours all knew each other. Once, on a hot day, our neighbours’ 4 year old ran up the street, in our open front door, through the house, out into our back garden and back into his own house via the back lane. Completely stark naked!