Cheeky grandma putting her granddaughter over our fence

[whatsitallaboutthenhey]

Posted about this grandma before.

Dd has a friend from schools grandmother, who lives at the back of us. The child was often at our house on a Sunday or Dd was there, I didnt mind as it gave Dd an easy playmate, but this child has recently started to say mean things, so I’ve backed off.
Dh has taken Dd out for the day and then she’s due to go to another neighbour friends house for a quick play when they’re back.
I’ve just been sat here in my pjs, under duvet watching Netflix, having a lazy day, when I see this child at the back patio window stood there looking in, gave me such a shock 🙈Ddog starts barking her head off. I say through the glass that Dd isn’t here today, she goes off and I hear her telling her grandma and playing in the garden…?! Am I uptight or is this a bit cheeky? Her grandma will have had to lift her over our back garden fence onto our garden bench.
Similar happened a few weeks ago when I was in alone as Dd at a party and they drove outside the front of the house, calling DD’s name out of the window and asking if she could come in to play.
The grandma has my number, so could have just Whatsapped me if she wanted to see about a play date
I just found it to be a real invasion of privacy to just be at the back patio window looking in, out of nowhere

Not cool, definitely message and tell her not to do it anymore. Use the dog as an excuse if you're not comfortable being direct

I also remember your previous thread. You are just going to have to be assertive with the woman. There’s no other solution. You already know she’s being unreasonable. You can either stand up to her or no doubt you’ll be starting another thread on here in a few weeks time with her having done something else.

That's a good point. Presumably to get back to granny's garden she would have to climb onto the bench to enable granny to reach her. Mindbogglingly cheeky.

Well of course you shouldn't have to, but it would be the first thing I'd do, then obviously I'd speak to the granny. The bench would then go back when I was sure she'd got the message.

I had a neighbour like this - she dumped her child on anyone who looked sideways at her, including me. (I have no young children, just grandchildren.)
Nip this in the bud, OP or it will be a regular occurrence.

I can see why you don't want to mingle with this family.
Just say no.
To never do that.
Mention the dog but don't encourage discussion.
Good luck.

YABU

Speak up now and put a stop to this nonsense from a CF who sees you as a mug.

why don't YOU whatsapp her with a gentle 'might be a good idea to check on our plans next time to avoid wee 'insert name here' being disapointed next time'

If I saw a child at my back door it would make me jump and drop the dinner I was holding or something. I don’t understand why someone would do that or think it’s ok!

I would be very direct and clear. “Please do not ever put child over the fence again without asking my overt permission. It is incredibly dangerous.” No being nice!
or call social services and say a child has been abandoned in your garden.

Did you march her straight back home or tell grandma to fetch her?

I remember your thread before. You need to be significantly more assertive with this woman!

I’d post get back over the fence with the message ‘They’re about to go out’ and make it abundantly clear you’re not. The penny might drop then that it has to suit you.

Yes, make it about the dog and say it's a risk that the dog will bite her as it's trained to attack anyone climbing over the fence

@ilovelamp82 Her grandma was standing by the other side of the fence, I could hear her talking and the child said ‘Her mum is there, but mychildsname isn’t. I didn’t even open the patio door to go out in the garden to see, just heard grandma and thought no way

This is outrageously cheeky. How did she get back, did you have to lift her over?
I didn’t see your earlier thread about her but I am intrigued.
As others have said, I’d message her asking not to do it again. I wouldn’t worry about her taking it the wrong way as she’s not your friend, it’s not someone you care about causing tension with!

Also to say, grandma is a young grandma-late 50’s maybe, only seems to have her mid week for 3 hours after school and Sunday afternoon for a few hours, stop passing her off 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would go direct to the child’s parents, say that you have a dog and you can’t guarantee that the dog won’t be startled by the sudden entrance of the child and react defensively. They need to know that grandma is putting their child in danger. Grandma may not tell them / may be of a generation that this ok to deposit a child in someone else’s garden (although not sure what generation that is). If something did happen to the child, they could ask why you didn’t raise it with them.

Why can't you just tell the grandma not to do it?

@LouH5 She was stood waiting by the fence, I suppose If we all would’ve been here, she would’ve left grandchild with us and gone back in her house. She didn’t just leave her-how dangerous would that have been, but still massively overstepping

Have you text her??

Just tell her not to do it again!

WhatsApp msg:

"Hi CFGran, this lifting Suzie over the fence malarkey is becoming a problem as well as an invasion of our privacy. Please will you message me first to check (a) if DD is in and (b) if she is free to play with Suzie (as you know, they haven't always been getting on well together lately anyway). It gave me such a shock when Suzie suddenly appeared at the window staring in - I wasn't even dressed yet."

Might it be an idea to say that this lifting her over the fence has to stop anyway, whether there is a play date or not, - for reasons of safety as well as privacy?

Does this women ever reciprocate

It is an absolute cheek

Text her right now. Dont leave it another minute.

Yes, you need to text her straight away and say please don't do that again and you need to ask me first if it's convenient for X to come over.