Cheeky grandma putting her granddaughter over our fence

[whatsitallaboutthenhey]

Posted about this grandma before.

Dd has a friend from schools grandmother, who lives at the back of us. The child was often at our house on a Sunday or Dd was there, I didnt mind as it gave Dd an easy playmate, but this child has recently started to say mean things, so I’ve backed off.
Dh has taken Dd out for the day and then she’s due to go to another neighbour friends house for a quick play when they’re back.
I’ve just been sat here in my pjs, under duvet watching Netflix, having a lazy day, when I see this child at the back patio window stood there looking in, gave me such a shock 🙈Ddog starts barking her head off. I say through the glass that Dd isn’t here today, she goes off and I hear her telling her grandma and playing in the garden…?! Am I uptight or is this a bit cheeky? Her grandma will have had to lift her over our back garden fence onto our garden bench.
Similar happened a few weeks ago when I was in alone as Dd at a party and they drove outside the front of the house, calling DD’s name out of the window and asking if she could come in to play.
The grandma has my number, so could have just Whatsapped me if she wanted to see about a play date
I just found it to be a real invasion of privacy to just be at the back patio window looking in, out of nowhere

Childs mum is really nice and I don’t think she has any idea!

Grandma does reciprocate, but she’s a pain in the arse as tries to keep Dd there all day, which sounds good in some ways, but isn’t as I often have to take Dd out and will message saying I’m coming to pick her up in half an hour and grandma will reply that they’ve only just started drawing or are still playing, with a sad face 😢 it’s all just annoying!

@whatsitallaboutthenhey Are you actually going to do anything about it though?

@MissScarletInTheBallroom Yes I’m going to WhatsApp her, think I might go with the dog thing

Are you going to address this? I'd feel like a prisoner in my own home.

"Hello X. I need you to make prior arrangements for Z and Y to play; please don't place her in our yard or on our premises without an agreed-upon play date. We prefer privacy in our yard and home unless otherwise arranged. Thank you."

Put some trellis up. Say you've been having problems with intruders in your garden and want to make sure it's secure.

Send a WhatsApp now saying ‘please can you send WhatsApp messages to make plans for play dates in advance. It’s nice to have a friend so close, but we still need to make sure social engagements work for our family and it’s difficult when she just shows up, thanks’

Jeez, stop that at once!

If this lazy grandmother can't be arsed to supervise her grandchild, she should PAY for a minder.

If the child was to get hurt on your premises, or your dog was to bite the child, anything could happen.

Absolutely nip this right in the bud.

But will using the dog as an excuse stop her calling around to the front of the house, which you said she also does. Wouldn't it be better to tell her that in future she should message first and not call over unannounced as you might have plans?

But it MIGHT, you never know, then this child's face will be pressed against the glass , and before you know it, it'll be all around the neighbourhood courtesy of the gossipy gran. 😳''the people at number 11 were at it again!''

I don't think the OP would be the most embarrassed one in that situation😂

Let us know her response.

Good grief - why???

Dogs can be unpredictable.
I looked after a friend's dog for the day, and she {the dog} went absolutely ballistic at someone coming up my next door neighbour's path.

This dog lives with two children, and is very good, very well trained, but at the end of the day, they are dogs, and no one can guarantee what a dog might do, as it's an animal.

Just be direct ... why bring the dog into it ? You have one go to do this properly and directly

Oh god, I remember your last thread too! You need to tell her not to do it again, by whatsapp if you can't face her in person. I would literally just say that: Can you please not deposit X in our garden again. I wouldn't give reasons or excuses because it just invites debate, and I definitely wouldn't cite ddog, as you don't want her reporting a dangerous dog to the RSPCA or something nuts. If necessary escalate to the girl's parents. This is such shit behaviour from granny.

This would do my head in - definitely send a text.

I'm probably a bit of a people pleaser but I would keep it jokey and light hearted because, on a serious note, it's always best to keep good neighbour relationships if you can - tension makes for a difficult life for all, and you never know, at some point you may need to call on her for last minute childcare in an emergency or whatever......

I'd say, "Sorry to be a pain but is it ok if going forwards we arrange playdates over WhatsApp rather than you just popping over the fence - I am worried she might see me walking around in my underwear and be scared! 🤣 Hope you understand! X ". Something light-hearted and friendly - but hopefully she will still get the message.

Good luck.

The child comes to call for her friend after grandma lifts her over the fence. Child goes away when she finds out friend isn’t in. All quite normal. Exactly what used to happen all the time before our constant obsession with mobiles and play dates. If anyone in this story is weird it isn’t the child or her grandmother.

Don't make an excuse! Just tell her you don't like it! She needs to understand that it is her behaviour that is the problem, not your dog.

Very cheeky. Nip it in the bud now.

What if you weren’t in? Would the child be trapped in your garden?

Bollocks is it normal. We called at people's houses for our friends when we were kids and if we were told to go away, we went away. We certainly didn't just turn up in the back gardens, face pressed against the window. My grandmother raised me and she would have skelped me if I let myself onto someone's property like that. OP has a right to expect privacy in her own house. I wouldn't be light hearted, I would make it clear she is taking the piss and she is NEVER to do that again. You call at the door or you send a message and you take NO for an answer.

I don't think lifting the child Over the fence is at all normal, yes maybe knock on the front door but not just lift the child into the garden!!

I agree. These types will always find a way around things. Tell her what you want her to do - ie text before to check if it is convenient or not.

Don’t play around with subtle . Be direct .

hi it’s great that .. and are friends . However don’t put her over the fence . It isn’t always convenient ie this morning as Dd wasn’t home .

if … wants to come over and play WhatsApp first. We can let you know if it’s convenient

Child should be knocking at the front door not peering in windows at the back of a house, that is private space and yes OP could have been doing anything (in her own house)!