To choose the high pressure job

[PizzaByTheSlice]

2 job offers on table. Both are same money.

Job A. 90 min/2 hr commute (v expensive train) Could WFH a bit. High pressure. Huge workload. Would need to travel round the country. No time to do hobbies. Where I've wanted to work for long time. Bit scary. Doing stuff ive never done before. Lots of opportunities. V early starts. Lots of breakfast clubs etc for kids.

Job B. 10 min commute in car. Could WFH half the week. Low pressure. Normal workload. Similar organisation and job to what I've done before. Also some career opportunities but not as much. Nice working environment. Good perks. Because it's so close no breakfast clubs. Could do all school stuff easily.

I have 2 kids. One about to start school next year. One with autism. A useless husband and challenging marriage. I'm overweight and tired all the time. I'm the breadwinner in the house and quite career driven

I want to go for Job A. But husband and friend telling me im being mad.

What do you think? A or B.

Give A a go or you will always regret it.

Personally I would go with job 2. If you are tired now sounds like job 1 could make that worse.

If you took job 1 would DH do everything while you were traveling etc? You say he is useless so this could put more strain on everything. Could you do the job if you split?

Job B for now until children out of pressured ages, then look for job A type later. Been there, not worth it, when lack of support and commute worked in. Might work if you had a v v supportive husband carrying the load. But you dont, so its a recipe for a breakdown.

Maybe I'm old.

Job b all the way, why would you even consider a more stressful job with massive commute and higher requirements for the same money.

Put your family first so B. The kids won't be so reliant on you when they're older so you can focus on a more challenging career then.
If your husband wasn't so useless I'd say A. But breakfast clubs and maybe after school care too when there's a decent alternative - you - is something I'd personally avoid if at all possible.

Job A is way less money due to commuting costs though. Be honest you want to do this for yourself which is admirable but also to give your useless husband a kick up the arse? (Don't blame you)

Look up fair play cards and have discussion with husband about what loads you are both carrying and realistically how they could be divided - and see if you can fit in Job A. If you can’t then Job B may be a better fit right now but either way sounds like a realignment of family tasks and a commitment from him in relation to this would be beneficial.

Job A - strap line "life's too short"
however perfect you think it is, it won't be the only job you'll ever find for the rest of your career. The commute, the cost of that job and the pressure are a toxic mix

"Plenty of opportunities" sounds like a promise they've given but you can only pursue one opportunity at a time. There are no guarantees in life.

You don't say what job A would bring beyond it being somewhere you've always wanted to work, does it pave the way to more career progression? I'm just struggling to see the benefits to job A.

Job B for sure.

I had a similar scenario and chose A and burnt out very quickly and sadly had to leave to find something else. I'm building up in the background some experience and skills that will hopefully give me a good chance of getting back into my absolute dream role in the future, but for now a B type job is not the perfect job, but is perfect for family life. DH also compromised on his job, his previous one was a lot of time away and not good for the children; perhaps worth exploring though if yours could do anything to make A more feasible?

Job B every time. Job A will finish you off and leave you a nervous wreck.

Give A a go and if husband doesn't pull his weight divorce him and move nearer to work.

Job B. I've done job A with a busy home life and burnt out after 2 years.

Job B 1000000%

It's very easy to imagine that job A wouldn't be too bad, you'd manage around it and the kids would be fine etc but the reality of it all would be very hard work and you'd more than regret not taking job B I would think.

I agree with your friend: you’re being unrealistic about what’s feasible.

Job B especially if they are the same pay. I've burnt out recently from a high pressured job and have an autistic child.
Job A might seem exciting but don't underestimate how it will drain you and take over your life.

(I say that having tried the job A scenario with DC with no additional needs and DH pulling his weight, was exhausting and didn’t succeed)

What's the point if there's no extra money and with the longer commute you'll be worse off! I've taken some stressful career moves over the years but it's always been for more money as ultimately it would improve mine and the kids' quality of life.

Is the dc starting school the one with autism? If so then a parent is likely to need to support them through the transition.

If you had a husband who wasn't useless I'd say job B. The useless husband means you would probably burn out.

You're "overweight and tired all the time".

And you need to ask ?

Job B for sure. I have a friend who had a high powered job & she has had to take a step back as she has child who has autism & when he started school it came with new challenges & she needed to support him. She was very close to making herself ill by trying to do both.
If your husband isn't much help now & it doesn't sound likely to change you will end up carrying more of the load.

Job B.

Work to live! Job B

I was in this scenario 2 years ago. I took job A and worked my arse off, got a promotion and a massive pay rise about 14 months in.

I think you have to look at the opportunity.

Will it enable you to ditch useless DH?

I'm a lone parent by the way. You can make it work.