To not invite sister to social gathering

[NoSourDough]

I’m a group leader in a hobby that I created in our local village after moving here around 2 years ago. Group is going very well and we are having our first social gathering outside of the weekly “practice” this Xmas.

My mother and sister relocated to my area this year (we all relocated around 2 hours from original home town).

My mother joined my group and took up the hobby as a bid to learn a new skill and make new friends, was out of her comfort zone but she did it and she enjoys it.

My sister was invited (on a few occasions) to join the group but she suffers with low confidence and declined the invitation, even though the joining of this all female group would allow her to make new local friends in the community. She has been living here now for 6 months and hasn’t made a friend yet.

Back to our Xmas plans, my mother has taken it upon herself to invite my sister to the groups social event. I’m not happy about this. My sister is not part of the hobby group. It’s a Xmas social for the group - not outsiders to be added on. As group leader, she should have asked me first.

AIBU - should I chill out and allow my sister to come along and meet new people or keep it in the group, as I’m not sure it would be fair on the others and I would not be happy if they invited a non-member to the Xmas social.

Just to be clear, the issue is that now that your mum has invited her, it means that you have to allow other group members/attendees also bring a +1? Ie numbers are already a bit tight in terms of the booking location/seating availability and now you risk it looking as though there is one rule for them and another for you/your family OR you widen it to include partners/friends of those already attending?

If this is the case, then you need to chat to mum/sister and say that unless sister joins before Christmas, she can’t come on this occasion? Because it is unfair on other members/puts you in a difficult position/could double attendance numbers at a venue where there isn’t enough room?

But once one extra person has been accepted you can't say no to others.

I wouldn't mind, you obviously would. Let's leave it there.

Just make your sister feel welcome at the dinner. She’s been invited now and maybe she’ll make a new friend or two.

Would you take over the arrangements?

Enjoy the rest of your day.😊

I think so too.

Would other group members object to a non-member joining their Christmas do? You could ask, explain it is your sister and your mother's daughter. I doubt many, if any, would mine. They'd probably make her welcome.

However your hobby is probably not for everyone, your sis may find something else that interests her in the future.

I hope you all enjoy yourselves.

If someone else brings their sister, are you going to tell her to sling her hook? Course not.

If the group leader asks to bring her sister I wonder how many would say no or if they would fee that they have to say yes even if they don't want to?

Why should a special allowance be made?

She is welcome to join the group if she wants.

She's not someone Op hardly ever sees n a rare visit such that time together is precious.

Something else can be organised to include her in.

It's a sit down meal that has presumably already been booked

Who are the 'exceptions'? Your family members?

It wouldn't bother me.

It might bother the person organising it, who then has to sort out an extra place.

I guess that's a no then.

Have you managed to have a chat with your mother @NoSourDough ?

Depends — if the group is of the view ‘the more the merrier’ it might be fine! But in other cases maybe not.

It's relevant in this case though.

You could tell her Mun mad a mistake and only group members are invited. If she hasn’t felt able to join the group so far she’ll probably hate socials and won’t want to go anyway.

This would annoy me but it's not worth a fight. She probably won't come anyway. Why not tell her she'll be expected to make a speech/toast?