Twin mix up...what to do?

[Twinlife2]

For context, my girls are 4 and started school in September. Their teacher has asked a few times how to tell them apart (never me, either my husband or their grandparents when picking them up). This question always makes me feel uncomfortable as if people can stand there and scrutinise their faces to pick out defining features and I worry that these conversations will lead to insecurities in the future.

They aren't identical but admittedly do look similar. To the point, my daughter had an accident form handed to her with her name on it but it wasn't her who had had the accident, it was my other daughter. (It was a lunchtime supervisor who had filled in the form).Fair enough, it does happen. But when my daughter tried to tell the teacher that it hadn't happened to her, the teacher was dismissive and insisted it belonged to the wrong daughter. (They will always tell people who they are and not want to be mixed up).

It's parents evening soon and I'm wondering whether I should bring this up. Am I overreacting for thinking she should have been listened to?

I'm totally new to navigating this at school and any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you!

Are you a primary teacher? If so, your attitude is concerning.

I don't get this..... so you are a teacher so you know how incredibly stretched everyone is....and your dcs teacher has asked you for help in identifying them..so just find a solution that works for the dc and the teacher..
It won't always be the class teacher in the room either so it would help everyone out..

I’m godmother to a set of identical twins, it took me until they turned 16 to be able to tell them apart, and that was because one of them wore glasses. I am very good at remembering faces!

I've got identical twins who are now 15. They come across as quite different in personality so it was never actually an issue telling them apart but when younger, they've always had hair clips or hairbands with different colours - one twin was pink, the other was blue! This lasted till they were Year 6 honestly but by that point the teachers could tell them apart anyway!

In secondary, they've always been put in all different classes but they do sometimes share teachers. It really isn't an issue though. The same thing has happened where they can be told apart by most people just by seeing them!! Obviously there are a few mix ups but it isn't that big.

Not quite the same obviously, but my kids all looked very similar and went to the same primary at intervals of a couple of years. Teachers who knew more than one of them would often make comparisons or say things like, "Oh, it's just like having X in my class all over again, except that Y has a dimple in his cheek instead of his chin." I just smiled politely but it always seemed like a silly waste of time in a 5-minute parents' meeting. You get similar stuff when a name is very popular in a given year group. Like Tall Sarah and Little Sarah etc. To adult ears it's unnecessarily personal and a bit like labelling, so to be avoided ideally imo. But with twins I think you do have to accept that people will find it hard and help them (and indirectly your girls) by using some kind of identifier, as pp have advised.

Nope, non-identical twins. Dressed completely differently on this occasion. Different clothes, different hair.
They're good at helping people out in getting their names right but if they're not listened to and one had concussion but I wasn't aware, that's totally on the school.

Thank you, you've confirmed my gut instinct in how it'll make them feel. My girls are not identical but I'll concede that they do look similar.

No, secondary but why concerning?

Nope, not at all precious. She bumped her head, it happens. Just don't send an accident form home for the wrong child even if she's tried to tell you it's wrong. It potentially could have had serious consequences. Just grateful that is was something minor. It wouldn't have been OK for your child's teacher to report an accident to you if it was actually her friend.

Thank you! Yes, people have latched onto that and that really isn't the point of the thread at all.

Because she mixed them up. It was the wrong child.

Although you are dressing them different on a day to day basis, it's not the same consistent difference every day so each day the staff are back to day 1 in telling them apart.

It needs to be something that is consistently differed. So Twin A always wears a blue shirt and Twin B a white or one a pinafore and the other a skirt or has been said, different hairstyle or ribbon colour or whatever it is but it needs to be consistently the same difference. Might be harder on a non uniform day unless it's something that is carried on irrespective of clothing.

Thank you! You've understood!

Yes I'd mention it. I'd just confirm that they aren't in the habit of pretending to be each other so can be reliably believed when they say it wasn't them. Be aware that they might not always stay like that though!😁

Yes! I had that. The school separated the twins, one at the start of the photos, one at the end, and even with green ribbons and red ribbons, school jumper and school cardigan the photographer thought it was the same child and only sent twin 1 photos. Twin 2 was (again!) mightily pissed off.
Mind you, when they left primary school each child had a montage of photos taken at various school events given to them as a leaving present. It took me 6 months to notice that 2 of the photos were in the wrong montage, and only because one of the twins noticed. The other one hadn't.

We put one in a pinafore dress and one in a skirt. They were also in different classes.

Apologies for the drip feed. And that's sort of the point really. I feel it's warranted to raise it with the teacher but wanted other's perspectives on it.

Please don't tell me that!

Is it true that with true identical twins, one will be r-handed and one l-handed? That's one way to tell them apart, especially in exams!

Two of my aunts were identical twins, and the younger one was l-handed. I did once mix them up. At a family event, I spent several minutes talking to B, thinking it was A. In my defence, I hadn't known B was going to be there, so had only been expecting to see A.

Haven't refused at all. She has never asked me directly, as my OP states. I'm cooperative and want to help her recognise my children especially for medical reasons! Luckily, this wasn't serious but it could have been.

They're definitely fraternal twins.
I'm not saying it's hard, I'm asking if this is something I should mention given the fact that it was bump on the head and the teacher didn't listen to my child when she tried to tell her it was the wrong twin.

It said that child X bumped her head. It was child Y that had had the accident.