Twin mix up...what to do?

[Twinlife2]

For context, my girls are 4 and started school in September. Their teacher has asked a few times how to tell them apart (never me, either my husband or their grandparents when picking them up). This question always makes me feel uncomfortable as if people can stand there and scrutinise their faces to pick out defining features and I worry that these conversations will lead to insecurities in the future.

They aren't identical but admittedly do look similar. To the point, my daughter had an accident form handed to her with her name on it but it wasn't her who had had the accident, it was my other daughter. (It was a lunchtime supervisor who had filled in the form).Fair enough, it does happen. But when my daughter tried to tell the teacher that it hadn't happened to her, the teacher was dismissive and insisted it belonged to the wrong daughter. (They will always tell people who they are and not want to be mixed up).

It's parents evening soon and I'm wondering whether I should bring this up. Am I overreacting for thinking she should have been listened to?

I'm totally new to navigating this at school and any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you!

And hope they don't swap them for lols! My friends who were twins were b*ggers for doing this!

It sounds horrible but your children will get used to it, they will probably have to deal with it their whole life. I get mistaken for my sister all the time and there's an 11 month difference. I think it's more annoying for you then it is for them. What about having hairbands with their initials on?

OMG, I was a teacher and taught music to 5 different Yr 5 classes in the same school. It wasn't until I came to do the end of year reports that I realised that I had been teaching identical twins in 2 different clsses! I confessed to their mum, and luckily she just laughed, and said it happened all the time.

OP, not really the point of your thread but if they’re this similar they’re being mixed up even when dressed differently are you sure they’re not ID? I think the statistic is around 30% of twins classed as DCDA during pregnancy are actually identical. You can get them tested to check.

There are lots of good and bad points about being twins. Helping people to work out who is who is easily done with colours, like hair clips. Though of course they can switch them round - I guess you've seen Parent Trap?!! Anyway, I would work on the basis that no one is trying to be mean or upset any of you and don't take mistakes personally.

Agree with this, and others who've said similar.
Do see it's annoying if child is over-ruled, but this is less likely to happen if you minimise the chance of confusion in the first place.

We have two sets of extremely identical boy twins in our school.

With set A, their mum helpfully puts them in different coloured socks each day, so when calling the register in the morning you can just clock who has what socks today and you're fine for the rest of the day! Although by now I usually just know which is which due to personality.

With set B, they're even more identical, one has a mole on his neck but you have to be up close to see it. They do have different coats which helps if they're out in the playground wearing their coats. But they are quite similar in personality so I find them harder to tell apart than set A. No chance for supply teachers! Their friends don't always get it right either.

It would be really helpful for school staff if parents of identical twins could do more with slightly different haircuts or wearing different coloured accessories.

My twin DSs aren't identical but look very similar and teachers often confused one for the other. The DSs made the most of this with what I thought were hilarious results... Seriously: ask the teaching staff what would be helpful to tell your DDs apart.. better yet, ask the girls what their preferred options would be.

Singleton siblings absolutely get this - my eldest child and his next youngest brother are always getting mistaken for twins and being called by each others names at sports clubs, and by teachers. They are close in age and the older one is shorter than average for his age while the younger one is taller than average for his age….hence “twins”. They both just laugh it off and politely correct whoever made the mistake. In fairness my eldest son also has a friend who looks quite similar to him as well and they are often muddled at school as they are in the same class.

My husband is an identical twin and for ease his mum used to have different colours for each of the twins when they were younger, so my husband would always have red or green things (t-shirts, toothbrushes, bag, socks etc) and his brother always blue or yellow. I don’t know what she did for school as they must have been in uniform then. Could you always put a red ribbon in one girls hair and a blue in the other, or something similar? Even name badges would work. Then there’s no reason for teachers to mix them up.

Yea… I would raise this at parents evening. I appreciate teachers are busy BUT that isn’t an excuse not to listen to pupils when they’re telling them something as important as they’re not the one that’s hurt and it’s actually their sibling/friend etc…
my daughter has a medical condition and it really pisses me off how many times since diagnoses she’s tried to tell a teacher she’s in danger and they’ve dismissed her, or in some cases told her off!!

No-one is blaming the teacher for mixing them up.

90% of people on this thread are waffling on about different coloured hair bands, when OP has already said that they're NOT identical. Her issue isn't about identifying them, it's about the teacher refusing to accept the child telling her which one she is! Which is frankly ridiculous!

As for the accident form then as a teacher myself too I'd see that as a pretty major safeguarding fail which certainly does need raising with the head

And yes, that's the way to go. Not f*ing hair bobbles again.

Lots of advice for you on the thread, we have twins also and it's a problem that's common.

Use clips and relax a bit all will be fine.

I'm sorry but your responsible for this. If they look so alike that people can't tell them apart then it's down to you to ensure that they are distinguishable. I (female) ironically had short hair as a child and looked the spitting image of my brother. We used it too our advantage, He sat a few tests for me at primary school and I played in the football team under his name at secondary as girls weren't allowed.
My mum got fed up of the trouble we caused so refused to cut my hair for a while allowing it to grow. Trying to distinguish me from my brother. That was t steady and it was something subtle in the end that did it. We didn't even realise or may have done something to prevent it earlier. But she had our ears pierced. I got both my brother got one. Teachers were advised on the sky how to tell us apart.

You usually do get to know, little mannerisms, a certain difference you notice. Many parents do often dress them differently, colour clips, hair length etc. Only other option is say name and see who responds first! X

Definitely the different coloured hairbands. We have twins at my work and one has a small freckle/mole on his cheek, his name starts with M so that's how we all know:)

I've taught identical twins. Usually you can tell them apart by mannerisms. I would probably ask the teacher why there was a confusion and why they were so dismissive when being told about it. Hair bands or a wrist band would possibly help - but if they're not listening to the twins it might not make a scrap of difference!

I find this all a bit bizarre, given that OP is a teacher herself 🤔

As a teacher myself I don’t know what the situation was here but the teacher might have been distracted, stressed or had a million things going on that meant she seemed to be dismissive. I’m sure she didn’t mean to upset your daughter. Unless it keeps happening I would move on!

edit: sorry, just got more context re the bump on the head. Yes, as others have said, it is important enough to raise. I’d misinterpreted your post.

Sounds like u haven’t put anything in place, most twin girls parents have one twin with one colour hair accessories and the other with another colour, this never changes and school know which one is which. Shocked u haven’t done it, but r moaning they can’t tell them apart.

sounds like you haven't bothered to read the full thread, or even just the OP's updates. They said OVER A WEEK AGO "we do the hairstyle and bobble thing so that might help her" (her being the teacher)
and then repeated MULTIPLE TIMES "We've never dressed them the same and do have different hairstyles etc for school."
etc.

Shocked "u" couldn't be bothered to check that before jumping in for a dig...

Honestly this thread is like 'cancel the cheque 2024'

Yes, singletons get this kind of scrutiny. I had two Eric’s as students for example. I wrote notes about which was tall, had red hair, etc.

Bring it up if you want, but meh - Remember you are taking a 4-year-olds recollection of the conversation at face value here.

I'm a twin, my mother was a twin and I have triplet granddaughters. You are making a fuss about nothing. With my granddaughters I wrote their names on their swimming caps ( they had to wear them) to help the teachers despite having different swimming costumes. I still have difficulty telling two of them apart but it doesn't bother them and it didn't bother me either.

I think if they continue to mix them up they should be allowed to wear make bracelets and I know jewellery is not normally allowed but it will make your girls feel special and included , instead of being treated as one and not individuals.

I had little initial pin badges that my identical twins wore on their uniform until the teacher had learnt who was who