Twin mix up...what to do?

[Twinlife2]

For context, my girls are 4 and started school in September. Their teacher has asked a few times how to tell them apart (never me, either my husband or their grandparents when picking them up). This question always makes me feel uncomfortable as if people can stand there and scrutinise their faces to pick out defining features and I worry that these conversations will lead to insecurities in the future.

They aren't identical but admittedly do look similar. To the point, my daughter had an accident form handed to her with her name on it but it wasn't her who had had the accident, it was my other daughter. (It was a lunchtime supervisor who had filled in the form).Fair enough, it does happen. But when my daughter tried to tell the teacher that it hadn't happened to her, the teacher was dismissive and insisted it belonged to the wrong daughter. (They will always tell people who they are and not want to be mixed up).

It's parents evening soon and I'm wondering whether I should bring this up. Am I overreacting for thinking she should have been listened to?

I'm totally new to navigating this at school and any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you!

Definitely address it with them but also, please I beg, do not underestimate just how hard it is for others to tell twins apart 🙏

I've acknowledged that mistakes happen. Blimey, I make them all the time because I'm human. The fact she didn't hear my daughter out when, quite rightly, she was telling her it was a mistake, doesn't sit right with me. Thankfully, it wasn't serious but it could have been and I don't think that's ok. And if that makes me sound unhinged, as some have suggested, then so be it.

So flag it up with the school!

You're a teacher, you know better than most how the system works.
Why are you on here?

Would you be happy to see a thread about a mistake you've made by a parent of one of your students?

I don't get why you didn't email the school or speak to the teacher straight away? 🤷

You genuinely don't know why people are giving advice on telling the difference between the twins when you made the first post with thus?

For context, my girls are 4 and started school in September. Their teacher has asked a few times how to tell them apart (never me, either my husband or their grandparents when picking them up). This question always makes me feel uncomfortable as if people can stand there and scrutinise their faces to pick out defining features and I worry that these conversations will lead to insecurities in the future.
They aren't identical but admittedly do look similar

Not only that you refuse to give a physical feature to tell them apart.

You could have said

The Teaching staff at my twins school incorrectly gave the wrong twin the accident form and despite my twin telling her Teacher it was the wrong twin, she ignored her. Would it be OK to speak to the teacher and tell her that my 4 year olds are capable of telling the Teacher which one is which and should be listened to.

That would have got you the answers you wanted

Not unhinged

More unsure on safeguarding procedures and what do with a potential safeguarding situation.

Which is worrying as you are a Teacher and should know this. Safeguarding is safeguarding.

"This question always makes me feel uncomfortable as if people can stand there and scrutinise their faces to pick out defining features and I worry that these conversations will lead to insecurities in the future."

Such insecurities could easily transfer to them from you, if you make a big thing of it. Of course people have to look at your children to determine which is which.

I'm a teacher too so I get it. What I don't get and is really the crux of the issue, is how dismissive she was when my daughter told her.
It was a bump on her head. I COULD have been monitoring the wrong child. Surely that's a safeguarding concern?

I agreed with you OP and said it needed addressing

so a) they are different heights then (the poster didn't actually specify the older is always taller) and b) yes, that is what "usually" means, not always....

Definitely mention your concerns, OP.

The teacher has only had just over a month to get to know them. Of course twins are difficult to learn which is which. There are twins as my sons football training and I only know which is which as they wear the same clothes each time which are different. If they swapped clothes, I'd never know 🤣
Give the teacher a break. She's learning 30 new names. Agree with others to try and keep something consistently different about them eg hair band colour.

Worked as a supply teacher many years ago. Encountered a "challenging" girl in one year 10 set. Encountered her again later on in the day, different subject so different but overlapping mix of students... Child similarly "challenging". Addressed her by name and commented that it was the second time that day I had needed to ask her to stop interrupting. "Oh that wasn't me, it was my identical twin sister!" Despite being sceptical I accepted the statement and followed up with regular staff. It was, indeed true, there were 2 of them in the year group and no one had thought to mention it when assigning me to those groups! This was 40 years ago and I can still remember those girls' names!

Different tie, jumper, shoes.
So Gordon will always have grey jumper and tie and Bryan will always have blue pullover and fleece.
Or haircut or laces or the initial (if different from other twin) embroidered on the collar of blazer or belt, or glasses. Etc

I don’t have any tips, as never experienced it, but seeing it from the schools perspective you must realise it’s an issue that you need to deal with by making them differentiable.

I would mention it to school and put different socks and bows/clips or bobbles in

I'm an identical twin, and I didn't even know my own name before I went to school I thought it was "My Name or Sis Name" as a whole thing. You mention worrying about the impact long term. I would say my experience of no one knowing who I was well into my teens and even beyond has not been detrimental. And we had many similar incidents. I even got put in detention once when my twin was off sick from school and the class teacher spotted me and assumed bunking off a lesson had occurred. Too many incidents to recall. We both soon realised who we were and what difficulties others had with it, and were able to have fun with it. At primary school we had our own colour ribbons, people still struggled. And this was a time when it was considered totally normal to dress twins the same. We found our own style as adults but have regularly turned up to events in the same outfits by accident. Being a twin is a weird experience. But it's OK, you just have to get used to other people being confused.

I went to primary school with two sets of identical twins. They weren’t in the same class so it was only an issue outside on the playground. The one mom used to send them in with different coloured coats in winter and different coloured shoe laces in summer. The other one used to do the coat thing and as they both wore glasses they had different coloured frames

On the web there are several different styles of hair grips with letters buy the ones that start with your daughters’ names but not the whole name so strangers don’t call them out in the street,
e.g.
www.etsy.com/fr/listing/1077405458/10pcs-lettre-pince-a-cheveux-epingles-a?click_key=8336271d11e9db817873e3d83792eb7bccf46508%3A1077405458&click_sum=c9c97a1f&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=letter+hair+clip&ref=search_grid-753350-1-7&content_source=fb748e76da96dd8ee13edf4466ea93db17d66d81%253A1077405458

My identical twins went to a tiny village primary with about 35 pupils so no possibility of different classes. One has an R in her name so she wore red shows (think Clark’s oxblood leather) and her sister wore blue.
They love being twins and are quite happy to confuse people; they once arrived at breakfast in a little hotel and the owner asked if they were twins and one said yes and the other said no.

4 sets!
must have been wonderland for them and so many potential friendships!!!

really rare!