Twin mix up...what to do?

[Twinlife2]

For context, my girls are 4 and started school in September. Their teacher has asked a few times how to tell them apart (never me, either my husband or their grandparents when picking them up). This question always makes me feel uncomfortable as if people can stand there and scrutinise their faces to pick out defining features and I worry that these conversations will lead to insecurities in the future.

They aren't identical but admittedly do look similar. To the point, my daughter had an accident form handed to her with her name on it but it wasn't her who had had the accident, it was my other daughter. (It was a lunchtime supervisor who had filled in the form).Fair enough, it does happen. But when my daughter tried to tell the teacher that it hadn't happened to her, the teacher was dismissive and insisted it belonged to the wrong daughter. (They will always tell people who they are and not want to be mixed up).

It's parents evening soon and I'm wondering whether I should bring this up. Am I overreacting for thinking she should have been listened to?

I'm totally new to navigating this at school and any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you!

Just put different coloured clips in their hair, same colour every day, so they can tell them apart. It’s not hard.

I have 4 year old twins too. Definitely mention it and put different coloured hair bobbles or something like that to help the teachers out.

ask the teacher if it's been a problem telling them apart, and see what she says. ask if there's anything you could do that would make it easier for her and other school staff - something small but definable eg Molly always has red hair bands and Mary always has yellow hair bands

when my daughter tried to tell the teacher that it hadn't happened to her, the teacher was dismissive and insisted it belonged to the wrong daughter I'd mention this, in a nonconfrontational way.

as if people can stand there and scrutinise their faces to pick out defining features and I worry that these conversations will lead to insecurities in the future. This is barking, how else do people tell people apart other than looking at them?!

I can sympathise.

Would different hair styles work? With the same for each every day.
One with plaits for example, the other with bunches?

There will be no excuses then.

She should have been listened to, equally I think this happens a lot (the diismissing) regardless of twins.

I would bring it up, surely they can ask the child's name if they're not sure?

Or, I don't know if this us a good suggestion, different coloured hairbands/clips/something identifying?

You may not want to do this but could you give them different colour hair bands, or embroider their initial onto shirt/coat/jumper, or some such? Do something to help the teachers out? (Or separate classes if 2 form entry).

Different haircut? Coloured coded hair bobbles? They will come into contact with lots of staff daily who don’t know them super well - make life easier by making it easier to distinguish between them.

This.

It’s not hard. One always wears red clips the other blue. Or whatever.

Ex teacher here. We always asked parents to put the children in different colour socks or hair bobbles until we got to know them. One year I had 4 sets of identical twins in my class 😵‍💫That was interesting....

I think YABU to be annoyed by people asking for ways to tell them apart. They’re twins; it’s to be expected.

Like PPs have suggested, different coloured hair clips/bobbles is a good idea. If one always wears blue and the other always wears red, people will know who is who and as they get to know them more, they probably won’t even need to check the hair accessories.

But it'll be like "X has a mark on her face" or "Y is taller/shorter/has a rounder face". Do singleton siblings get this too?

Ironically, it was non-uniform day and were dressed differently.

My daughter used to wear a name sticker in reception because the teacher muddled her with a friend. Could this be an option?

They're not doing it deliberately - clearly, some staff have difficulty telling the sisters apart. I speak as someone with prosopagnosia who was also a teacher - remembering which child was which was a real struggle for me and twins were extremely hard.

I'm going to add that I once failed to recognise my own brother... it's harder for some people.

Do singleton siblings get this too?

Singleton siblings are usually different heights (depending on age gap) and aren’t in the same class, so no, probably not.

But it'll be like "X has a mark on her face" or "Y is taller/shorter/has a rounder face". Do singleton siblings get this too?

well no, because singleton siblings aren’t in the same class.

This is exactly what we have to do with our twins. It's really not a problem.

I struggle with this too, but didn't realise it had a name.

We have twins - I am not sure why you have not been proactive in helping others out for your twin's sake so other's don't have to scrutinise who is who and get mixed up. Ask each twin to choose a hair band colour and use this in their hair each day for school / or adopt hair styles which tells them apart. If they are not identical they will not look super similar forever unless you deliberately choose for them to.
Do you like them looking identical? You can do this over the weekends but the advise for twins would be to let them have their separate identities.

I can imagine! My girls are good at correcting people if they get them wrong and I know it does and will happen. We've never dressed the same but there's a limit to how much you can vary school uniforms (we do the hairstyle and bobble thing so that might help her).
I think it's more about how she was dismissed when trying to let the teacher know it was a mix up. I accept people will mix them up.

We have a set of twins at school who are identical. They wear identical glasses, same bags, same coats, same hair cut and so on. They're year 9 now and nobody can tell them apart. They use it against us all the time. Their Mum will not allow them to even have different coats. She says they're very different people in personality and that's how we tell. Which is bob useless when one of them is climbing up a telegraph pole and I need to shout his name.

Holy crap 😂

We have identical twin boys. At that age even their own dad had to pause and physically turn them to see which twin it was.

During their first week in secondary, their maths teacher didn’t realise they were twins. Twin one had a lesson in period 1, twin 2 in period 2. Twin 2 was quizzed on why he was attending two lessons in a row and had to explain.

It does get better as the year goes on. Teachers start to notice different mannerisms etc.

I now have one flamboyant homosexual, and one bulked gym bunny covered in tattoos, so people don’t tend to confuse them these days 🤣

I went to school with three sets of identical twins (in the same class). Two sets were my friends and couldn't then and still can't tell them apart with just a glance. It didn't help that they were always dressed the same and the girls hair was always styled the same. I spent hours a day with these kids. I snogged one of the boy twins and I don't know which it was! I've grown up and realised I'm a bit face blind which is especially hard with twins. But it's quite common.

The teachers have 30 kids to worry about so I would discuss a way to make it easier for them. It needs to be a away that the girls can't make trouble with when they are older so the can trade places. Every twin i know has done this at some point including important stuff like exams!

2 issues here.
1- the thatcher should have listened to your DD
2- you have to accept that other people are not going to be able to tell them apart the way you can. They’re just not. I presume they are biologically identical? Even if you believe they don’t exactly look the same the differences will not be great enough for people who aren’t family or very close friends. One of the classes I teach has identical twins. They do have some small differences but in a busy room with them all moving about so much it’s very hard to keep track of who is who. I have too lol quite closely to be able to tell. I can’t do it from a distance.
They are going to get muddled up in these early years, they just are.
You need to find a way to make them more distinct.