Twin mix up...what to do?

[Twinlife2]

For context, my girls are 4 and started school in September. Their teacher has asked a few times how to tell them apart (never me, either my husband or their grandparents when picking them up). This question always makes me feel uncomfortable as if people can stand there and scrutinise their faces to pick out defining features and I worry that these conversations will lead to insecurities in the future.

They aren't identical but admittedly do look similar. To the point, my daughter had an accident form handed to her with her name on it but it wasn't her who had had the accident, it was my other daughter. (It was a lunchtime supervisor who had filled in the form).Fair enough, it does happen. But when my daughter tried to tell the teacher that it hadn't happened to her, the teacher was dismissive and insisted it belonged to the wrong daughter. (They will always tell people who they are and not want to be mixed up).

It's parents evening soon and I'm wondering whether I should bring this up. Am I overreacting for thinking she should have been listened to?

I'm totally new to navigating this at school and any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you!

But Mary has an "r" in it. Molly has a double "l" next to an "o" in the middle.
Your suggestion would confuse me even more.

What would be wrong with that? How else do you expect people to get to know which is which, unless they focus on the differences?

As a teacher who has taught identical twins, I once found the only way to tell them apart just by looking was that one had a mole behind her ear.

Singleton siblings are unlikely to be so alike because they will nearly always be different sizes. If their faces were very similar it would be very natural for people to say "I know it’s X because he is taller than Y" - though even then it’s not always easy unless you can see both children together.

You do the 'different hair style and bobble thing' but do you make sure that the same child has the same bobble all the time? It's that consistency that will help.

I help at a dog training class and there are brothers there. I remember 'Bob is the blue lead'. If they swap leads I'm stuffed because they're both the same colour and size.

I agree. That's how people determine who they are. You admit they look similar and the teachers need help...so do something to help them. As pp says use different clips or bobbles.

You have to mention it, I have twins and this happened at their nursery a lot and they aren't even identical 🤦

I was at college with twins and it took me weeks to tell which one was which! Funny thing is, they actually look quite different!

Re school, I would mention it to the teacher at parents evening. It’s one thing to not instantly tell them apart, it’s not right that they are not believed if they say it’s the wrong twin! Especially, for a medical incident.

You are right to mention it.

This. I had identical twin boys in my first class as a teacher. No help from hair bobbles there. They were absolutely identical ,apart from 2 moles on the neck of one and none of the other. That was they way I told them apart. It obviously involved looking at them .

My twins are 9 now and it was an issue. One was so fed up she demanded a short hair cut. That lasted a few years. They are identical but quite different fashion sense so one is all about skirts and dresses for school the other trousers/ leggings.

The accident form is tricky I assume teacher didn’t want to be seen publicly saying another member of staff is wrong in front of children. It really undermines their authority. You should of emailed office at time. Not a complaint but bright and breezy, accident form came home in wrong name please make sure in correct file. They will apologise and everyone will be reminded to double check.

Bless them, the adults should be listening to the girls when they're correcting them on who is who. It's going to become very frustrating for them if not. There's no harm in mentioning it to the teachers and explain how they will say if it's the wrong girl as they do want their own individual identity and it's important they're encouraged to do that.

Have you seen this short vid of a little girl correcting her dad.

https://youtube.com/shorts/9HMxM0yVrvU?si=S09AIhd788TcvvA8

From the thread title I was expecting a story along the lines of that 80s film with Bette Midler when 2 sets of twins get mixed up at birth and then accidentally meet up when they’re grown ups.

anyone know the one I mean?

Mine are Id, they had labels on their backs when they first started school. No issue with it .we struggled to tell them apart at that age. Then after the first term or so one had plaits one had bunches.

The teacher should not have dismissed that; pretty fundamental.

Hopefully this was misinterpreted and they were saying more along the lines of 'Oh well, you can still give it to your mum' rather than 'It was you - stop lying'.

I don't know what to suggest about the telling apart thing though. Get their initial as stud earrings? Depends how old they are though I guess and if that flouts the rules around studs.

Big Business! I like that film.

Just a thought but for school we always had different brightly coloured lightweight wellies, croc type things but with liners . This really helped playground staff as they knew who was who from a distance. Scotland so wellies in the playground is pretty normal from Oct to April.

Thank you!

I could only think of “risky business” and I knew that wasn’t right

Of course singleton siblings don't get it, there's only one of them in the class at the time

You're being far too precious and even identical twins have a different face shape or a mole etc.

Of course the Teacher should listen when one of the twins is telling them their name but to refuse to given an identifying feature to the Teacher because you are scared of the twin being seen in a negative way is ridiculous

The fact they were dressed differently on this particular day doesn’t help. What other posters are saying is they should consistently wear different colours of the same item. This should be done in addition to highlighting different physical features. Don’t deny your twins’ individuality because you have a hang up about one having a mark on their face or a rounder face (or the equivalent), all differences should be celebrated minus your hang ups.

Do singleton siblings get this too?
Don’t be silly, of course they don’t … because they’re not twins.

It doesn’t have to be a physical feature like a mark on their face though, or something that could cause an insecurity.
I had twin girls in my class last year and one always had a plait and the other a pony tail. Mum would laugh when I’d tell her at the beginning it was hard to tell them apart.
Mention it by all means but be patient with the teacher- it’s not always easy when you’ve got the hustle and bustle of a classroom and 30 other kids around.

I have a friend who is a twin, they live in the same area. I’ve waved to my ‘friend’ when I’ve seen him and been blanked on a few occasions, then realised it was his twin (who I don’t know!), he probably wonders why this mad woman keeps waving at him in my defence, they are scarily identical, with very similar fashion sense, haircut and facial hair and it probably happens all the time

Can you colour code your girls? Red scrunchie for one, green for the other etc.?

Why do you keep mentioning that they were dressed differently on that day? If the staff don't know that it's twin A wearing pink that day and twin B wearing blue, the fact that they're dressed differently doesn't help identify which is which?

Ex Reception teacher here. I’ve taught identical twins and also fraternal twins who nonetheless looked very similar. When we had the home visit, the mum of the identical twins brought up the issue of how to tell the girls apart before I had to and told me ‘Twin 1 will always wear red clips and Twin 2 will always wear yellow…we’ve used his method since nursery, the girls are used to it to we’ll just carry on with that if it works for you.’ So helpful. She also told me that ‘Twin 1 has a mole by her mouth but the hair clips will be easier for you.’ It was a great system and after a term I could tell the girls apart facially anyway, but from behind they still looked identical so the clips were helpful. Mum was brilliant at being consistent with the system and the girls were good at telling you if you’d got it wrong. Despite the clips I sometimes did and they would say ‘I’m not Twin 2, I’m Twin 1’. We’d have a laugh and I’d say ‘Oh silly Mrs CountryGirl, of course you are!’ Facial recognition takes time and it takes longer when there are big similarities. No one took offence because I also had four girls with very similar sounding names that year (Think Amelia, Amelie, Amalia and Emily) and I often got their names wrong too. It’s part of having 30 children to know.

I always believed the girls if they told me I’d got it wrong and we were always very careful with first aid forms, so that probably needs addressing, but being dressed differently for non uniform day makes it harder if anything. The most helpful thing you can do is have them in identical uniform with one consistent difference. Non uniform day was always more tricky because how am I to know that it’s Twin 1 in jeans and a sparkly top that day and not Twin 2?

I know that it’s easy for you to tell your girls apart but until we really know them well we just can’t. It’s very unlikely to be a slight against your children, anymore than me getting my four similar-sounding girls’ names wrong was anything other than pressure of the moment and having lots to think about as well as everyone’s names. It doesn’t mean they’re not cared about or that people don’t think it’s important, it’s just part of the adjustment for them and for the teacher. Being understanding about it and working with the school will make it smoother for everyone including your children. I would definitely bring it up at parents’ evening but in a context of ‘I understand you’re finding it hard to tell them apart, so how about we have a coloured hair clip system?’ (Or whatever you think will work best) rather than ‘You keep
muddling them up and I’m not happy about it.’. As a reception teacher I always wanted solutions that were in the best interests of the children and I’m sure your girls’ teacher is the same. 😊

I have twin siblings. Lets say Jack and Josh. At school, both of them were referred to as JackJosh. It does appear to be very difficult for people who don't have that much experience with twins to find it very very difficult to tell them apart. I would have something quite prominent on their uniform to enable people to tell them apart so they don't have to go through the whole of school with people wondering. If their first names begin with different letters, I'd have the first letter of their names on all of their polos and jumpers somehow. Either embroidered or a patch or whatever. You can buy name labels that are 1cm high and you could even sew them to the outside of the clothing so that their name is on display. I would recommend this as it does seem just too difficult for people to manage and it isn't nice for the kids if people never know who they are.

Yes singleton siblings get the same thing and would you believe I have one of each sex. When small they were often mistaken for the other child of the other sex. Blew my mind.

It's ok saying they were dressed differently but that relies on the teacher having to remember which twin is wearing which outfit! I don't imagine that's easy with a class of 30 kids.

I think as others have said, colour code but use a colour that corresponds to their name and always keep the same colour - I think a poster thread suggested blue for Beatrice red for Ruby etc

but YANBU about the teacher dismissing her when she tried to explain it was the other twin who had the accident......

Yes you issue your daughter wasn’t listened to. And that they recorded the accident in the wrong name.

But asking if singletons get this is odd. If 2 singletons were born less than a year apart and happened to have birthdays in the same school year and also looked very similar in height and general appearance. Yes they would get this.

Most singletons are born at least a school year apart. And look different. Then add in how many singletons only have a sibling of the opposite sex. No one would get my kids mixed up because while they look very alike, there’s 7 years between them and one’s a girl and one is a boy.

Its simply not the same.

My brother had a few cousins around his age. All went to the same school and they all look alike even now. Sometimes people would get them mixed up.

You can tell them apart easily. Because they’re your children. If multiple people can’t, it’s likely that they simply can’t. So you may need to help it along by doing something as each always wear one colour in their hair. It needs to be the same each day.

It being a non uniform day and assuming that the teacher should have known because they had different outfits on, is a bit unrealistic.