Twin mix up...what to do?

[Twinlife2]

For context, my girls are 4 and started school in September. Their teacher has asked a few times how to tell them apart (never me, either my husband or their grandparents when picking them up). This question always makes me feel uncomfortable as if people can stand there and scrutinise their faces to pick out defining features and I worry that these conversations will lead to insecurities in the future.

They aren't identical but admittedly do look similar. To the point, my daughter had an accident form handed to her with her name on it but it wasn't her who had had the accident, it was my other daughter. (It was a lunchtime supervisor who had filled in the form).Fair enough, it does happen. But when my daughter tried to tell the teacher that it hadn't happened to her, the teacher was dismissive and insisted it belonged to the wrong daughter. (They will always tell people who they are and not want to be mixed up).

It's parents evening soon and I'm wondering whether I should bring this up. Am I overreacting for thinking she should have been listened to?

I'm totally new to navigating this at school and any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you!

This.

OP has updated saying the main flag is one twin being dismissed when saying she wasn't the other twin. OP has done the right thing already and taught them to be individuals.
Now if twin 1 was told off instead of twin 2 many people would complain the school needs to pay attention and listen to the child. This time it was a minor injury form, but the child did the right thing and it should get flagged with school so they can improve on it.

OP isn't asking if she should storm into the classroom and cause a ruckas, just to mention it at parents evening.

😂 I am a twin. We used to say I was the one with the football face, she was rugby ball.
Honestly, it is all they have grown up with, people trying to tell them apart, it really isn't a big deal. Well we didn't think so.

We are in our 50's now and still get mistaken for each other 🙄 when we think we look nothing alike, when really we must do 🤣

I have taught quite a lot twins and found that initially I couldn't tell them apart but after a while couldn't understand why people couldn't distinguish between them. As pp have said send Jane with green hair slides and Mary with blue hair slides and get the teacher to write it down or bobbles or shoe laces, shoe laces are more tricky to switch than hair slides if they are thinking of sparking a bit of confusion 🙂

Interesting. But OP has already said the girls aren't identical. I'm a teacher and I think it's on the school to make a bit of effort here.

I would definitely bring it up with the teacher and point out that they're not identical and are two very different people.

I think you are being a bit oversensitive here. Of course non family members will struggle to tell them apart, so it is down to you to find out what might make things easier for them and be helpful.

This is exactly the issue. It gone beyond merely mixing them up and is now in safeguarding territory.

Email the Head and ask how they're going to avoid identification issues in the future.

It's beyond just a quick mention to a teacher at parents evening.

It's not lazy. It takes time to get to know children, learn their names and recognise them quickly. Twins and children who look similar take longer.

That's actually rude. No one is doing is purposefully.

The thing about "A is taller/has a rounder face than B" differences is that they only work when you have both kids in front of you. You need a consistent feature that is identifiable when only one of them is there (e.g. if they've had a playground accident or one is misbehaving).

The teacher not believing your child is not great but may just have been a frazzled end of day moment. Worth gently raising but not a huge fuss, IMO.

So what if they're dressed differently, they would still need to explain which one they are, nobody is psychic.

And am I missing something? I thought twins generally enjoy the confusion and have a bit of fun with it? Watching the adults scrutinising their face to work it out would probably have been quite satisfying in a way! I think they would know it's not so anyone can focus on their flaws....

How about a small sticker, pin or badge with their name on, just for this first year of school?

Me and my sisters are all 2-3 years apart and look similar (4 of us). My youngest sister used to get called my name all the time by the teachers at school and I'd left years before she started!! Same with the others. They were all unfortunate enough to be muddled with me!! 🤣 So yes, it happens to singleton too

I would work with the teacher to find a solution, but don’t be too harsh on her. It’s only October, it’s a brand new class – there are a lot of children to remember, let alone when you have twins in the mix.

Yabu ... how else are you supposed to tell them apart if not looking for differences ???

This is how we tell each other apart , know who we're interacting with by looking at physical features.

Totally bizarre ask on your part .

The midday staff not listening to your DD is not great but the other stuff you've mentioned is bizarre !!!

Do mention it, it is important that your children are recognised as individuals. Go to any reasonable lengths to make them look different and make sure they have their names on all clothes, plus something in their school bag with name on it.

This sort of mix up will pass as they get older but I can imagine it is annoying and even worrying, right now, especially as one had an accident and the teacher was dismissive about confusing the two girls. The dismissiveness would annoy me more than anything.

Good luck.

I've taught plenty of non-identical twins and never had an issue telling them apart, despite similarities. However, the fact they're asking how to tell them apart suggests they're finding it difficult (perhaps to do so quickly in a busy room of 30 children). It also suggests they're interested and trying. I would say something like "the girls have come home with a few stories of people mixing them up and I believe you've asked my husband/their grandparents how to tell them apart. We are just so used to it. Would xyz make it easier for you?" (Coloured bobble/hairstyle/cardigan Vs jumper).

And even then, yes they do. My youngest has been called his brothers name by every teacher or teaching assistant that they have had in common and they are 4 years apart. They have a name that starts with the same initial and do look similar. But Op, some good suggestions there about hair bobbles/clips. Like others have said names and faces are harder for some. Help them out where possible.

And yes, I also regularly call non-twin siblings by the wrong names. Happens all the time when they are both the same sex.

To help solve this issue which I agree shouldn't happen if someone says they are someone they shouldn't be told they aren't that's weird, do the hair band thing

Even parents do it

My singleton siblings are three school years apart, one has long hair and one has a pixie - and teachers still sometimes use the other's name. It's not getting them mixed up, so much as having their names 'stored' together in memory - so sometimes the wrong name is pulled out.

Bring it up. It's potentially very serious to make this sort of mix up. I also feel there's no excuse. They see your girls every day and if they took the trouble to look at them properly would learn to tell them apart. Not to mention your DDs explained the error and were ignored.

That's actually a really good idea! I've worked in a school with twins and when you're out at playtime, I wouldn't otherwise remember who wears blue and who wears green but the colour relating to their name is so good!
We had twins and one wore different coloured stud earrings. That's no good when they're the other side of the playground/class room if you need to get their attention quickly. Just like if ones slightly taller - it's no good unless they're stood next to each other.
I can understand your stance that the 'wrong' twin was given the accident form and I might mention it casually this once.