Twin mix up...what to do?

[Twinlife2]

For context, my girls are 4 and started school in September. Their teacher has asked a few times how to tell them apart (never me, either my husband or their grandparents when picking them up). This question always makes me feel uncomfortable as if people can stand there and scrutinise their faces to pick out defining features and I worry that these conversations will lead to insecurities in the future.

They aren't identical but admittedly do look similar. To the point, my daughter had an accident form handed to her with her name on it but it wasn't her who had had the accident, it was my other daughter. (It was a lunchtime supervisor who had filled in the form).Fair enough, it does happen. But when my daughter tried to tell the teacher that it hadn't happened to her, the teacher was dismissive and insisted it belonged to the wrong daughter. (They will always tell people who they are and not want to be mixed up).

It's parents evening soon and I'm wondering whether I should bring this up. Am I overreacting for thinking she should have been listened to?

I'm totally new to navigating this at school and any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you!

Lol my friend has twins she says she doesn't even think are identical they're so easy to tell apart - their own father who they live with mixes them up, not sure he hasn't bothered to spend time and get to know them!!

She did slightly concede when the school photographers only sent back one photo as they'd thought the two they had taken were of the same child, and mum couldn't tell which twin it was a photo of - she said it looked like twin1 but it was twin2's expression!

Non twin siblings are usually not in the same class/academic year so it’s usually not an issue. I’m 3 years older than my sister, and we don’t look that similar and teachers did still occasionally get us confused. My brothers had the same. It’s not an issue really…

I can tell you that as an identical twin that for years I was referred to as in out loud voices “the one with the really big mole” and “the one with the more crooked teeth”. When you hear this daily it really made me self conscious.

however after I got braces I then got referred to as “the fat one”.

Please go for hair clips at this age. Bonus points for Blue clips for Bianca and red clips for Rebecca.

Yeah my brothers had this so Gary always had a grey shirt and Ben always had a blue one. That way the teachers knew who was who when presented with only one twin!
I think it was only really an issue in primary though. They were more gobby about it as they got older!

Just help them out in some way. Ones hair could be cut shorter for example.

My husband failed to recognise our child and me on occasion. He uses lots of other ways to identify people. I hadn't realised how bad it could be

I was going to say this. Different colour hairbands, or clips, anything really.

For family it is usually not a problem to tell really really alike twins apart. This is because consciously and sub-consciously you are constantly registering the minute differences that exist in their looks. Plus you know their other distiguishing traits: personality, voice etc all contribute. This starts for parents from the moment the children are born. It's why from birth most mothers can pick out their baby from a room full of others and recognise their babies cry. At a basic level it's helps ensure survival.

Having had 2 babies at once this process has enabled you not just to tell you your babies from unrelated children but also to see the differences between them. You think that they not that alike, but that is because you are their parent and have had years to process this. To other people the twins may look completely identical, their brains will take time to learn the differences. Add to this teachers have to learn names of 25 plus other children as well as your children and you can see where the difficulties arise. Annoying as it may be for you failure to tell your children apart is not laziness or personal, it's just a learning process. Therefore it's best do as others suggest and allocate the children a colour each for hair accessories or simply buy them a name badge.

I'm a teacher, and I teach several sets of twins, most of whom are in separate classes to their twin. I can often pick out the difference if they are together, but not always if they are apart, and I don't see them daily so it's hard.
But if I'm not sure I'll ask, and I listen. - either they or a classmate will always tell me if I've got the wrong one. It's disrepectful not to make the effort to get someone's name right, and I always apologise if I get it wrong.
I think that's the minimum standard required in a school, where all the adults are supposed to be setting an example of decent behaviour.
So in your case,OP, I would bring it up. It's a breach of UNCRC Art 8 - Right to an identity. Your children have separate identities, and the fact that they are twins does not change this. If there are (possibly untrained) TAs not understanding their responsibilities, the school needs to be aware of the impact that is having, and they should address that.
I would bring it up above Class teacher level - IME a young ECT is not going to challenge an older TA who they might not even know that well. It needs to be dealt with by someone responsible for ensuring policy is known and adhered to - at least Phase leader, maybe SENDCO or Deputy Head, depending on your school' set-up.

Do singleton siblings get this too?

I used to get mixed up with my brother at school - different ages, didn't look similar, I had waist length hair. He happened to have a name more usually used for a girl, and had been given a pink medical card.
he was quite sickly, so had lots of appointments with school doctors/dentist (1960s) - I'd always keep quiet until I'd been given a sweet or lollipop for going.

yes, not only school dentists, they used to give you sweets for going.

As a twin, who also has twins, I know that people can have a mental block when it comes to knowing which twin is which, especially, as some have said, lots of people have some degree of face blindness. I’d say laugh it off, it never affected my sense of self. I’d say this is less of an issue than people seem to imagine. If there’s an option to have them in different classes that would help

For fucks sake just help the people around your kids.

This us why twins are best off in different classes if possible. Then they can wear their colour preference re bobbles amd hair clips.

Menopausal teacher here, trying her best. I've twins in my form. I have had to apologise several times for mixing them up despite being told many times. I just cannot retain it. Luckily I taught their mum too so rang her and explained, she now sends them in with differing hair which I have written in my planner. We are humans. Help us out a bit.

You say that they have different hairstyles/bobbles, but are they consistently wearing the same different hairstyles and bobbles?

I taught identical twins (secondary) who would wear different ties, but each would wear the same tie day to day. Over time I came to be able to tell them apart without that.

You need to make some sort of change to one of them if its causing problems, shorter hair for one of them maybe?
I’m friends with identical twins, for about 30 years. I can tell who is who if they’re together, but apart I have to chat for a bit before I’m sure which one it is!

My friends with twins have rowed about which twin is in a photo and they’re not even super identical! I say you need to help the school out here with hair clips/bands/parting or similar.

This. Not everything is a major issue some things are very easily sorted

The different colour hair bobbles etc are fine for girls.

What do you use to tell the difference between boy twins? Things I can think of probably won’t be allowed. Such different colours of socks

People often have difficulty remembering which way round the hair bobbles etc. go. Can you think of some sort of jingle to tell people? “Lucy Blue Bobble, Katy Red Bobble” or something?

This is what I was wondering... Are you sure they're not identical?

If they have the same eye colour and hair colour/type (curly/straight) they may be identical... unless there's a very clear difference in their features (or they're boy/girl)!

Hospital staff often don't know the biology of identical twins and can mistakenly say yours are definitely fraternal as they have a placenta each.

I was told mine were fraternal (while at the same time being told they might be mono-amniotic! The level of ignorance was astounding).

Apparently when they do zygosity testing, it very often turns out that supposedly fraternal twins are actually identical. Parents really zoom in on tiny differences and see them as being much bigger than they look to everyone else.

I've been an infant school teacher for many years, and have had many sets of identical twins through the doors. Strangely, some I can tell apart right away, and others have been a challenge for years.
I honestly don't think it's worth making a fuss. People are trying their best. The simplest work-around is like other people have said, different colour hair clips/bows/ties, with perhaps a little stitched shape of their initial on their collar in "their" colour. That way staff learn "Ah yes, Jessie always wears green. and Ruth is orange."

Yes it's like Mary-Kate and Ashley, they were told as babies that they are fraternal but it's quite obvious that they're actually identical

Hello OP we have a lot of twins in my family, identical! Both sides! How I didn’t end up with twins I don’t know. But with them what all parents of the girl twins have done different hair clips but let’s say one twin is always red and the other blue.