To buy an Alexa when partner didn’t want one?

[Allinadayswork80]

This is a bit petty but there’s more behind it. Just had a huge row with DP basically because I bought an Alexa without consulting him. I’ve wanted an Alexa for ages, lots of friends have them, we have one at work, they seem pretty standard in many homes in my experience. I like listening to music when doing cooking/housework and also like the timer function plus the other benefits like shopping list, weather updates, etc. Mentioned this over a year ago to DP and he completely vetoed it because it “listens to our conversations and isn’t safe”. End of conversation.
Bit of backstory, we’ve been together for nearly 6yrs, our relationship moved quite fast and we moved in together quickly and had a DD (my 2nd). He came with a lot of stuff, like a LOT of stuff! He’s a builder and dabbles in mechanics so has tons of tools - fair enough and this comes in handy for fixing our vehicles, DIY at home etc. However he was also into BMX’ing so has 2x bikes plus another mountain bike. He likes snowboarding so has all the gear for that. He used to do dj’ing (house type music, events) so has a big ugly unit with his decks, records, equipment. He likes motorbikes and has kind of ‘inherited’ 2x large Harley/chopper bikes. Plus all the gear. So basically our home is filled with a lot of his stuff. The lounge, shed, garage - all dominated by his stuff. Not to mention the kids stuff, toys etc. Over time I feel much of ‘me’ has fallen by the wayside to accommodate him, physically and also lifestyle wise. Admittedly resentment has crept in with this and more recently I’ve been trying to inject some of ‘me’ back into my/our life, having made so many compromises for him and the kids I feel I’ve become a little lost on the way.
So on a whim, with the recent Amazon deals event, I bought myself an Alexa. I plugged it in and set it up today and love it. He has come home from work (albeit to a clean and tidy house, dog walked, children cared for and a lovely home cooked meal - my one ‘day off’ a week) and is pissed off.
Cut an already long story short, we had a huge row, all the resentment came pouring out as he made such a song and dance about something I see as so trivial. He doesn’t like it, thinks they’re dangerous, we’ll be hacked, the children aren’t safe blah blah blah. I should have considered his feelings and consulted him. I knew he would have just shut me down same as before.
Now I’m in bed seething and can’t sleep.
Have I been that unreasonable?

LOL x2

It’s clear you have no idea what you’re talking about. Seriously, learn how this stuff works. Read the links posted on this thread. Look at the posts from people who work in cyber security and have Alexas in every room.

Once you’ve done that, sit down and think, really think, about how your dystopian world would work. How would businesses make money from refusing to add cakes to an obese persons basket? And then ask yourself two questions.
1.Why would these hypothetical businesses use a device that is in a limited number of homes, and once the knowledge that they are doing this gets out literally everyone would bin them.
2.Why are these hypothetical businesses not using the mobile phone and computer network that is already in 90% of homes.

If you don’t want one, fine, don’t get one. But seriously, don’t make up ridiculous, dystopian scenarios why no one should have them, because it’s just embarrassing how little you know about the subject.

He’s right, they are spyware. Plus not really necessary. So much can be streamed free.

Weirdly strong response from you there! 🤣
The cakes example was re 'for your own good' health measures, obviously, well in line with current thinking eg sugar tax, calories on menu, smoking in pub gardens, so hardly far-fetched.
And social media uses algorithms to tailor your content to what you've looked at; this is exactly the same type of use of data. And no one throws their phones away as a result!
I'm prepared to believe that it may not be happening now. But it will. And of course it won't be via 1000s of workers listening to convs about your dinner arrangements!!

The rise of the machines.

Have you seen the youtube videos, where some Alexas have said very weird stuff

Yep I wouldn't like this at all and would hate living with one.

This. I don't want an Alexa in my home. I agree she's convenient for many things, but I don't want my privacy further invaded.

He had told you that. He shouldn't have to tell you daily.

all the other stuff isn't relevant. It's a totally different issue.

Wow ok so I didn’t expect so many responses! Thank you to everyone who has commented, I appreciate ALL the comments for balance although admittedly I haven’t had time to actually read them all as yet and sorry for not following up sooner as up early and a busy day. But it seems, like my DP and I, people are fairly split on their attitudes towards Alexa.
With a night stewing on it and in the cold light of day, we have since had a calmer discussion about both our feelings I concede there was a level of “fuck you” to it on my part - but those that say they’re two completely different issues, well to me they’re not. The point for me was that I got no consideration from him when he dumped all his stuff in our home. The stuff I previously said (I forgot to add the guitar and massive amp to the list), but also furniture that I absolutely hate that he “spent a lot of money on” or built himself for his decks etc. I just wanted a little something for me in our home, which actually serves a function, unlike all his stuff that quite frankly barely ever gets used but dominates our home.
I get that his concerns were coming from a place of security but a) he has a history of getting a bee in his bonnet over something, often that a friend or work mate has said, doesn’t actually fully research but forms a strong opinion on and then it’s onto the next thing. He since spoke to a close friend who said that he had an Alexa and just turns it off when not using and suddenly he’s more open to it. Whereas my reasoning/opinion holds no weight. And b) he barks on about our safety and security but when I berate him for not locking up the front/back doors before bed if I’ve asked him to, he says I’m overreacting as we live in a safe town and “not bloody downtown Brooklyn!”
I do understand all the YABU’s as some people clearly do feel strongly about their privacy, but as some have said - we have iPhones ffs and I just struggle to see what the real harm is. It’s just in the kitchen not the lounge.
Anyway, Alexa is staying, turned off when not in use. And we’ve had a chat about maybe rearranging the house a little and maybe him relinquishing some of the stuff I hate or that he doesn’t use. We’ve both apologised for it getting out of hand and listened to each other’s points. In future I will discuss such things with him rather than go ahead regardless and he said he’ll be more open to listen to my opinion.

You’ve got the entirely wrong end of the stick here, I didn’t get one “because all my friends have one” I got one because I wanted one as I like the functions. The mentioning of friends having one was purely to show how commonplace they are in many homes.

Thank you - he has an iPhone!

Thank you! This is EXACTLY it!

I dislike Alexa for this reason too. Dh's boss gave it as a present and I've disliked it ever since. I only use it for a timer for cooking times. To get one knowing his views is highly disrespectful.

The issue if all his stuff is a totally different issue, and to link them is ridiculous. You should've told him how you feel before.

A general Alexa question - if someone bought someone an Alexa, set it up to their account, and then moved 300mes away but left the Alexa behind and it remained logged in, could they hear what people in the room were saying? This is a situation that an estranged relative has done to an elderly relative and we’re always quite concerned that it could be some kind of intentional surveillance.

Surely you just turn it off then or reset it?
They would need to "drop in" to have two way communication and Alexa makes a noise when that happens; though I suppose the relative might not know what the sound was. They couldn't listen otherwise. In theory they could also read what the relative had asked Alexa, but not just everything she said, no.
@SmallestMan

Good update.
I have one, also in the kitchen.
Also turned off when not in use.
I love it - only had it about 11 months.

The sound system on it is amazing.

We have Alexa on a HomeHub. Is it always listening? Yes. Do I care? No. Why? Because anyone listening will be bored to tears fairly quickly by the mundanity of our life. Unless you’re, say, a deep cover Russian agent, what do you honestly think you have to say that anyone would find of even mild interest? I find this paranoia absolutely wild.

I have spoken to one of my boys this morning who is a software engineer. He says that Alexa is always listening but the main purpose is to gather info about you - what you buy, what music you like, age, kids etc but, if Google is your search engine, that same data is being collected each time you go online.

Also, randomly and without your knowledge, snippets of your conversation will be recorded and saved indefinitely to the Cloud.

And he does think (or at least it would be possible to do) that if you, anyone in your family/friends or even your neighbours were involved in a serious crime - any views you have expressed re racisim, terrorism, extreme political views ets - they might become of interest in a situation where a major investigation were taking place.

DS is not connected with Google or Alexa in any way though - this is just what could potentially be done with data collected.

Does he not have an Alexa then? As you can switch off recording and you can access all recordings. I’m afraid he’s wrong, and it would appear doesn’t have an Alexa or know how it works.

I do also find it funny that people are like this when they have mobiles as they definitely listen to you. However, my partner doesn't like them either so our compromise is I unplug them when he gets home or if I am listening to music we unplug if he comes into the room. He is fine with that.

Oh and my partner is a network engineer

For me, Alexa isn't the problem. It's your building resentment over how your relationship is turning out and how you feel you are losing yourself. FWIW I'm with your DP about Alexa and privacy. I've already got a laptop that's wants to change words in the novel I'm working on, and a phone that's suddenly started telling me how far I am from home. It's only going to get worse. We're Alexa-free in our house. I intend to navigate life all by my little self for as long as I can without that annoying bot voice in my ear. It's the same reason I won't get 5G - hacking and privacy, acquiring information issues. I even make sure the kettle is 'old school'. Up to you of course. Ask Alexa how to deal with the issues in your relationship.

I googled and it says it doesn’t. It only listens when you say ‘Alexa’

But it must be always listening in some form to be able to hear you say 'Alexa' in the first place!