What is with the English, affairs, and divorce?

[BoundaryGirl3939]

Everyday when I visit this website I see a post about a husband having an affair, or a suspicion that he is cheating, or an irritation that he is getting to close to a female friend. I see mumsnet as an accurate description of what is going on in English society, and the levels of infidelity shock me.

I'm Irish, and believe me that the men here are not perfect. We have high levels of addiction (alcoholism) and dysfunction (anger management) but the infidelity is definitely not as commonplace (although it does take place but not as frequently). Yes, Irish marriages/relationships break up, and adults may get a second life partner after a relationship has died, but the actual 'cheating' is not as common and is scandalous if it does take place.

I find it shocking that an average man can contently sleep with another woman, and then go home to his wife and kids. My mind boggles that a woman can feel like she has a right to encroach on another womans husband and take a father from his family.

You have no idea what's going on in other peoples homes and marriages. You might think no one you know is capable of an affair but you are wrong.

Take it from someone who is neither English, nor Irish, or even from that hemisphere!

My friends here in Scotland are all pretty normal yet every day on MN I read about batshit in laws, men who can't use washing machines, kids who can knock up a lasagne, women who can't ask for things in shops and wild (made up) entitlement around every aspect of weddings.

Must be an English thing.

How do you know that all those posts on the relationship boards about infertility are not from Irish women?

… probably because you’re reading anonymous posts on a large (international) forum. It’s a ‘safe place’ for people to get advice without the judgement of ppl who know them.

Most people don’t advertise their private difficulties in real life, sometimes even to friends & family. Doesn’t mean it’s not happening unfortunately.

Women cheat just as much.

Just discovered recently from DNA that my Irish GF has a half brother, his father and possibly by his mother's sister. No one knew Maybe the Irish keep secrets better!

'affairs are so silly! I can't understand why anyone would have one'

Well clearly they're not without consequence but I think human nature as demonstrated by human behaviour across all of history and world geography might hold the answer.

Don’t be silly - I’m pretty sure the English are no better or worse than any other nationality on infidelity.

"This is not meant as an attack on English people. God knows Irish people have got their problems. This site just seems to be filled with posts about suspicions, or women who are trying to walk away from a married man"

Whereas in Ireland they're just trying to escape the sexually abusive priests?

I still want to know how you know that all the infidelity posters are from England @BoundaryGirl3939 😂

There are also a huge number of Irish people in England are they all faithful? Is it only in Ireland they behave?

And how do you know the nationality of the people posting?

Yes, you are naive.

I'm Irish, and believe me that the men here are not perfect. We have high levels of addiction (alcoholism) and dysfunction (anger management) but the infidelity is definitely not as commonplace (although it does take place but not as frequently).

So are you saying Irish men are too busy getting drunk and angry to shag about?

I'm not English OR Irish btw so no skin in the game.

To be fair to the OP, the stats do seem to suggest that divorce rates in Ireland are fairly low. England, Wales and Scotland (sorry to burst your bubble @MorrisZapp) are all significantly higher.

But I don’t think this means no one is engaging in a bit of extra marital. Plus, the fact you think no one is doing it because you haven’t heard about it OP doesn’t say much as some people are pretty good at getting away with it.

Hang on, what about the Welsh and Scottish??

So, what you are saying is that you don't see it happening as much in your small circle of people as it does on a large international site filled with people of unspecified nationality? Except it's clearly all English people who are unfaithful

😂😂 cheating isn’t specific to any one country. If you don’t know about it, it either means the men are better at hiding it or you’re a bit oblivious!

https://outragemag.com/countries-with-most-least-cheaters-identified/

Well, this suggests that OP is on to something. The results of this (probably not at all scientific) survey put cheating in the UK at 66% and Ireland at 15% 🤔

Just one example of many, many posts casually conflating England and the UK.

That figure you posted is actually the population of the UK, not of England.

They are not the same thing.

Do all the threads specify whether the affair partners are English then? I hadn’t noticed that.

Maybe OP could start a thread where those of us who’ve never had cause to complain about their husbands could check in? Might find it reassuring/ disappointing.

How does that make it easier to hide an affair?

Like, I can't go anywhere in public without coming across a cousin of my spouse, or my brother-in-law's, brother-in-law's wife.

Surely everyone would know instantly?

Exactly what I was about to ask. We need to hear the OP’s statistical analysis of what those guys are up to.

From now on there needs to be a new rule; all cheating posts must state birth place and current residential country of those involved.

It’s talked about in the UK. Women don’t feel they have to stay in relationships when they feel disrespected and men feel like there’s nothing wrong with leaving their wife and children for someone else.

There is as much infidelity in other cultures but it is hidden and doesn’t cause married couples to separate because marriage for life is what is expected of them in their societies.

The difference is that in Ireland divorce isn’t a socially acceptable outcome for infidelity. Even now in this day and age I know 30 something women stuck in marriages where DH is openly with another person and they’d lose all their family support if they left so are struggling through for the sake of the children. I’m shocked that you as an ‘Irish person’ are unaware of this?