To feel shaken by Liam Paynes death and wonder how we keep our kids safe

[middleagedandinarage]

Just that really, I'm a bit old to be a 1D fan and didn't know a huge amount about Liam Payne apart from him being part of one of the worlds most famous boy bands and having a son with Cheryl Cole but I feel very shocked and upset by his death. He was clearly a very troubled man, which I imagine came from being shot to fame at such a young age. Obviously not every child has that pressure but I feel incredibly worried for my own children. How do we keep our children safe and on the right track in a world that seems to have so so many pressures for them

Used to be, I think? Bit old for all that nowadays 😅

We moved to Holland when I was 13/14...you can buy weed, mushrooms and all manner of other stuff on the high street there, so my folks were always very open about drugs with us. I had a pretty good narcotic education from a couple of 'experienced' teachers, shall we say 😅

Kids are told to think about how they feel, but they aren't given the skills to deal with what it brings up, they don't have the experience to understand their feelings and put them into context. They aren't told that negative feelings sometimes are normal, and that feelings will pass.

I'm trying to make sure I tell my kids this, that's ok to feel bad sometimes and it will pass. (This is in the context of the normal spectrum of positive and negative feelings, not applicable to depression etc).

You know exactly what I mean, nobody likes a pedant.

Such a distasteful thread. Do you really think LP parents wanted him to develop all these issues?

Well tbf people aren't likely to die from weed and mushrooms. I think a lot of kids in the UK have done both. I'm talking mainly about coke, soeed and ketamine, amd that new hallucinagenic which turn you into a dangerous twat

@Blanketyre yes! And interplay with prescription drugs which many more teens are on now compared to 90s. You’re not officially supposed to drink on some mood stablisers/Anti Ds/ADHD meds etc but many do & then chuck drugs into mix.

Are you shaken op by the 4 boys who came off the road last year in their car and drowned.
4 friends lost in a car accident.

Getting in with a bad crowd, always someone else's fault isn't it?

He was quite happy to.partake.
They might say he was the bad crowd.

He wasn't young, he was 31. he was very rich and successful yet had a huge and serious drink and drug habit. He was controversial, didn't come across well in interviews, ex girlfriend made pretty serious allegations against him. Apparently he hired two prostitutes on the night he died despite being a dad to a little 7 year old boy. Everyone knows the industry is awful but personal choice comes into it as well.

@PassingStranger well aren't you lovely.I came on here , prompted by lots of posters who seemed to be blaming Liam Payne's family or his management or the X factor or whoever else for not preventing his decline and eventual death to share the story of my cousin's tragic death and you decide it's appropriate to attack me and make assumptions about my late cousin's character. What argument are you trying to win here?

No it wasn't anyone else's fault. He had plenty of chances to get clean and lots of support but it was still an all too common case of kids going off the rails as teens and getting further and further into a cycle of drug taking that despite the best efforts of all who loved him couldn't be stopped. His parents spent a fortune trying to get help for him.

My other cousin was the same, she refused all help and alienated everyone who tried to help her until finally , alone during the lockdown, she decided to end her life.

simon cowell makesme laugh wit his so called heartbreak hiring children then throwing them in the deep end an woners why

its a well known fact he didnt look after the acts look up luy spraggan an loas of others who ame out after

Liams death has really made me sad. I was never a 1D fan, i was too old and never really followed them but seeing everything about him recently, i just wonder if he felt lost, depressed and lonely? These are just my thoughts. His record company had cancelled him, his PR had stopped working with him. He had issues with the ex fiance which have recently resulted in her getting legal action (idk what thats all about). The drug dealers are always ready to swoop in. i feel so sad for Cheryl and little Bear. Just thinking about how the hell you break news like that to a 7 year old and everyone at school etc will be talking about it. Idk its changed the little lads life forever 😞

i always think of this song when celebrities seem to struggle. I imagine all the so called “friends” disappear when the going gets tough/money runs out

Haha, well no, and funnily enough despite living there for 9.5 years I hardly ever smoked, never agreed with me.

Had my first line of coke at 15 and my first pill at 16 though, and certainly felt better/safer doing both having been able to talk to my folks about the dos/donts/dangers. Obviously they didn't condone me doing stuff at that age, but their view was that if I wanted to do it, I'd do it anyway, so better to have me armed with the facts.

It's further complicated in some countries due to the grey areas around 'synthetic' drugs. In Holland you can legally buy what are essentially very strong copies of drugs like speed, MDMA etc over the counter in Smart Shops. They get away with it by changing enough of the chemical composition that it's not technically/legally MDMA (or whatever)...when things are so easy to access, education is so important.

Oh I thought legalising drug in Portugal had failed, on googling there is contradictory info, one said increase in lifelong use of drugs another said a decrease so who knows. Not always about death go visit psychiatric ward see how many were there because drug use had triggered MH issues.

True, when did he last parent.?

Not trying to win any argument. Just commenting I hate the term got in with a bad crowd.
Everyone has choices. Easy to blame someone else or the crowd.

It is not distasteful to me. Some people who have lost relatives in this way make it their life's work to ensure that other young people do not go the same way, so your question about what we can do to protect the young is valid.

Mental health issues amongst young people seems to increase every year, so i feel that we should have awareness around this so that we can help them.

Post title is really distasteful, it's giving grief vulture vibes. Liam Payne has died, your child hasn't. A speculation-inviting post given the timing and circumstances is morbid interest.

I really feel for all his family and friends, absolutely heartbreaking for them-and I cannot imagine made easier by the really quite graphic news coverage of this. I hope they are given space, time and respect to grieve privately and without intrusion (I saw coverage yesterday of Liam's dad arriving at a hotel on the evening news bulletin and it was really quite shocking he had to wade through a mob).

More generally, I agree very much with previous posters about social media being a real issue-it feels angrier, more extreme and just generally not a positive place for anyone to be spending a lot of time on. It seems so deeply entrenched in teens/20s culture that I am not sure what the answer is to that.

To be honest, much journalism media is not much better; if you look at the level of detail and scrutiny they place on people (and not always celebrities either).

Yes, this

@PassingStranger so you read my entire post where I talk about losing two members of my family to drugs and also where I talk about me own DDs mental health struggles and you pick out one phrase and decide to hit your keyboard and have a pop at me.

Maybe " in with the wrong crowd" was my old fashioned way of saying what really happened. He was a very vulnerable kid and he was taken advantage of. These days it would be called county lines grooming. One of my DS's friends has fallen victim to county lines and it's heartbreaking for his parents who are powerless against these criminals who are now controlling their son.

I have compassion for victims of drug abuse. My DD was adopted by us after being born addicted to heroin and abandoned by her birth mother. Having been told the birth mother's life history I feel huge sympathy for her and anger that she was let down so badly. I don't believe people like her and my cousin chose to ruin their lives with drugs. It's never that simple.

It's clear you don't agree and hopefully that's because you have never experienced it close up.

Is it possible for twenty somethings to not have social media or insta etc locked down only for an inner circle of ‘real’ friends? This trend to document every waking moment can seriously backfire. It feels phoney & toxic. The Black Mirror episode ‘Downfall’ really highlights this so well. Are we going to end up with a social credit score like an Uber rating?

The beautiful & ‘cool’ are worshipped and anyone who isn’t conventionally so can feel marginalised with highly damaging & permanent results in some cases. ‘Phases’ can become permanent.

If parents & adults led the way with real occupation, connection & community focus things might shift. To step into the real world with limited social media use around real hobbies. As our children so often do as we do not as we say can we lead the way by staying away from Tik Tok & Insta etc certainly in any covert stealth boasting way? To live life freely & well with service & thought for others. Without insecurity as this is what drives so much. The stiff upper lip days of yore are frowned on but the pendulum has swung too far the other way IMO. We need to set an example.

Keep them away from hotel balconies. Too many young lives cut short from a combination of height, alcohol and maybe drugs.

(Not saying LP was drunk or on drugs, but a lot of young people who fall are impaired in some way)

I think that when you are a star "the wrong crowd" comes to you in the shape of hangers on. I have witnessed this firsthand - not with megastars but with people in the entertainment industry. Imagine being so young and those hangers on initiating you into the world of sex and drugs. A lot of young people experiment with drugs, but young entertainers are surrounded by such sleazy people and have unlimited access to substances which they think help them deal with the pressure of fame.

I don't think people really understand how fame affects an individual. Everyone around them changes the way they see them. Even close family and friends. This leaves them completely isolated because inside they are still just a snotty nosed kid but nobody sees that because all they see is a millionaire. liam Payne has left a $70m fortune and before he died he allegedly used some of his money to procure prostitutes. This for me is so sad. He had to buy company. That speaks of the loneliness inside him.

Apologies if I have offended anyone.

@VictoriaSpungecake you’’re right, look at the much older/mature Matt Cardle who also spiralled.