To feel shaken by Liam Paynes death and wonder how we keep our kids safe

[middleagedandinarage]

Just that really, I'm a bit old to be a 1D fan and didn't know a huge amount about Liam Payne apart from him being part of one of the worlds most famous boy bands and having a son with Cheryl Cole but I feel very shocked and upset by his death. He was clearly a very troubled man, which I imagine came from being shot to fame at such a young age. Obviously not every child has that pressure but I feel incredibly worried for my own children. How do we keep our children safe and on the right track in a world that seems to have so so many pressures for them

Liam has had an extraordinary life, with a lot of fame, attention and money - that most of our children won't ever have.

I don't think fame is a good thing. It gives you everything but promises you nothing.

Very sad situation ,but he wasent s child he was a 31 year old man who made his own choices
He experienced a huge amount of fame at a young age ,but let's face it that is very unusual.

Liam Payne was a celebrity.
My adult dc know 3 people who have died by suicide.
Just normal people with normal lives who unfortunately had mental health conditions.
If Liam Payne had stayed in his home town he may have well had the same drink, drug and mh conditions anyway.
And only his family and friends would know or care.
Sad isn’t it that all the outpouring of grief is going on whilst the majority of these people grieving don’t even know who their ndn’s are and what’s happening in their lives.

In my opinion drugs are at the root of most evil one way or another and I would include alcohol in that . They mess with your head.

I think all you can do is teach your children how to cope with various aspects of life as they grow.
Give them age appropriate responsibilities and chores.
Teach them that actions have consequence.
Ensure they keep their rooms tidy and learn how to keep a clean house.
Teach basic cooking skills.
Help them understand finances
Make them aware that life isn’t fair and sometimes you just have to deal with the cards you’ve been dealt
Teach them manners and encourage them to help others less fortunate

Theres many more things they need but these are just a start

Couldn’t you argue the same about jay slater. Young people get drunk or take drugs and act stupid. Even Matthew Perry could have avoided his death.

Everyone can fall victim to drugs and alcohol not just kids who've made it big in the world of pop music.

My cousin died at 30 from a drug overdose after getting in with a bad crowd in his late teens and despite numerous and expensive attempts at rehab and even a spell in prison never broke the cycle. He left a young son behind too.

My other cousin took her own life at 40 after becoming addicted to pain medication for a work related back injury.

We all worry about our kids - my DD16 has been through mental health problems cause by a traumatic event she experienced. She started self harming and had suicidal thoughts. It's been really hard to get her the help she needs and people in mental health crisis only accept the help when they want to - they push people away so it's really hard for parents and loved ones to really prevent a tragedy like the one that's happened to Liam's family. Thankfully my DD is on medication now and well on her way to recovery.

I really feel for Liam's family and all of the families who have lost someone in this way.

But let’s also remember that poor Liam was also an adult is his own right, and even adults do things that they shouldn’t do.

Liam was also a parent himself, so sometimes you can say, as a parent, it’s about keeping your children safe. It’s about giving your children tools to be their own person, resilient and make choices for themselves.

it’s all very sad. But this thread is in poor taste.

Safety and security in this world is largely an illusion. You can only guide them and be there no matter what.

There is an excellent book by Howard Souness called "Amy 27" which takes an in-depth look at the famous musicians who died at age 27 with a particular focus on Amy Winehouse. It is a fascinating and meticulously researched book which examines the many commonalities between the lives of Amy Winehouse, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, Brian Jones, Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix. All very talented, all quite fragie psychologically and all very famous and all of whom found fame hard to cope with.

I actually dont think kids are under so much more pressure. It’s just in a different way. I am glad I didnt grow up in an era of social media but I do think lots of parents dont regulate access properly. However, different generations had different pressures. My parents had to work as kids cos they grew up in poorer households with absolutely zero welfare support…imaging the pressure of that plu shaving to look after your younger siblings/hide from the bailiffs etc.

This.

OP, unless you are planning to drop your teenager into the music industry, you just need to be vigilant, educate yourself on the perils our youth face, keep commmunications open and honest, and use common sense and boundaries…like the rest of us.

I hope the likes of Simon Cowell/PRs/tour managers etc. take time to reflect on the role they have played in LPs journey and what they could have been done differently. No child needs to be plucked from obscurity and catapulted into stardom or get access to such huge wealth in such a short period of time.

The media coverage is overwhelming, the likes of the Mail and the Mirror are running around 14 separate articles each on the main page of their website. Not looked at Twitter or Instagram but don't doubt it is the same on there.

Don't encourage your child to grow up too quickly. Too much independence and choice, relationships at young ages, too much freedom too quickly, not enough attention at home. Just my opinion

Well it was drugs really.

So try and keep our kids away from drugs? Which I am sure we will all do anyway but sadly we won't all succeed.

Especially when it comes to weed which is seen as quite harmless.

Quite.

Do you think that LPs parents are to blame OP?

This is a very odd thread. But to answer your question, you can't. Mental health and addiction are so complex. Some of it is down to genetics but not all. My childhood wasn't great, I was surrounded by and took drugs and drank alcohol in my teens and some of my friends at that time are now dead or in prison. I just think that I am lucky that I don't really get addicted to substances. My good MH is more down to me working hard to improve it.

I'm not trying to pick, I just don't understand why you (and others) are 'shaken' by his death, as opposed to the horrific things that happen daily to people of all ages?

There's been many stories of adults young & old falling over balconies to their deaths whilst on holiday the last few years. These people aren't given a 2nd thought, these are just 2 from the last few months:

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/zante-greece-balcony-death-british-tourist-b2578827.html

https://www.independent.co.uk/travel/news-and-advice/british-teenager-death-fall-sixth-floor-hotel-ibiza-b2598976.html

I would say the best thing we can do for our DC is just be there for them and take an active interest in their lives, ESPECIALLY when they are teens. Too many teens are wrongly treated like they have an adult mindset, or the opposite, infantile and assumed they cannot make their own ddecisions.Plan quality 1-1 time with them, be approachable, don't wrap them in cotton wool and hide the evil in the world. Explain real life and the devastating impact of risky decisions, in a age appropriate way.

I remember reading that you have until the age of 8/9 to instill your morals and values in your children, before they care more about what their peers think (i will admit that i cant remember whether this was from a reliable source). Also, many teens suffer from emotional neglect as they do push parents away more and spend more time with friends, many parents do not realise that teens need just as much support as a younger child (obviously in a different way).

But the sorts of pressures he would have been under were very different to the pressures a non celeb will be under. It is a different world (if you chose it to be to a certain extent)
The pressure of fame can be very damaging I imagine.

So taking drugs isn't a stupid and pathetic thing to do? Yeah right

I can't seem to edit the op or title but just wanted to apologize if this thread has come across disrespectful and in hindsight my question isn't really in relation to Liam Payne, just his death has saddened me and made me think about things. I am in no way implying that his parents should or could of done more to prevent what happened.

He was someones biological father. He didnt seem like much of a parent from the outside.

In some ways yes

But one of the things we do with social media and the internet is that young people/children are mixing with/exposed to/involved with adults and adult issues

Thats what happens with these young pop stars or actors or dancers or whatever it is, they're thrust into an adult world before their time. Its much more exaggerated and all consuming of course because its their job and their work, whereas for our kids they are only exposed to this when they're not at school or home doing something else, but in my view there are comparisons

While his death is very sad, he's was a 31- year-old man. You can't protect children from everything, especially as they become adults. You can only do your best to make them feel loved and secure and have clear boundaries. And that is not a criticism of his parents, who must be destroyed.

After Caroline Flack's death Liam's sister tweeted that she was worried about what was happening to him:

"Just wanted to say in the shadows of what happened [last] weekend, please #bekind to each other and everyone on here and if you need support, please reach out and talk to someone, anyone, but please remember you are all needed in this life,”
“I don’t use Twitter a lot anymore as this is the darkest place I’ve seen in the past in regards to comments about my brother and everyday it makes me worry if he’s strong enough to take that much negativity in public daily, so it really is such a personal message.”

I agree with the posters who say that teenagers need as much support as kids of any other age. Even up to age 25 I think that kids really need support - coming out of uni into the 'real world' can be a shock and a really difficult transition. I was just reading a thread about kids coming out of uni and really struggling to get a job and I know how tough that is and what it does to your mental health when you get rejection after rejection.

Liam I'd imagine, was whisked away from home and thrust into a world where people didn't really have his back at a very young age. He was a commodity and his job was to make them money. I agree with Sharon, "Liam, my heart aches. We all let you down. Where was this industry when you needed them?"