To feel shaken by Liam Paynes death and wonder how we keep our kids safe

[middleagedandinarage]

Just that really, I'm a bit old to be a 1D fan and didn't know a huge amount about Liam Payne apart from him being part of one of the worlds most famous boy bands and having a son with Cheryl Cole but I feel very shocked and upset by his death. He was clearly a very troubled man, which I imagine came from being shot to fame at such a young age. Obviously not every child has that pressure but I feel incredibly worried for my own children. How do we keep our children safe and on the right track in a world that seems to have so so many pressures for them

I heard a section of an interview with him yesterday where he was talking about the madness of extreme fame and how he had to stay locked in his hotel room for his own safety. With of course the contents of the minibar.

I don't think it's coincidence that the young stars who survive that level of fame and remain sane, usually have a lot of support from their families.

I also hope that the connection between ADHD and addiction will be more widely accepted in future so that people can get the treatment they need at an earlier age. I believe Liam only received his diagnosis in the past year, and yet the signs were there.

@NoaVic so sorry to hear. You sound like you went above & beyond. It’s very easy to blame yourself/selves in some way & sadly many close family members blight rest of adult lives with ‘if onlys’. Please don’t do this yourself.

Quite. This thread smacks of "his family didn't do enough to keep him safe", when in reality, he was a 31yo ADULT with a child himself, who didn't make the decision to get clean for himself or said child.

Unless you have a family member as an addict, you can't understand that the addict has to help themselves. It is NEVER the fault of the loving family that 99% of the time are doing everything they can to support them.

Keep communication open
Tell them you love them often
Share experiences/feelings/ available support

Keep your children away from the music industry and Hollywood, both are full of paedophilies that prey on young stars.

Have you seen that video of 14 year old Justin Bieber having a sleepover at P Diddy's house? With P Diddy licking his foul lips and salivating over that child like a bit of meat? No wonder he is so troubled now.

We'll never know what happened to Liam Payne to make him so unstable. But I dont doubt that from his mid teens onwards he would have been exposed to groomers and abusers. It's well known drugs are often used to cope with the shame and horror from being SA.

dont encourage your 14 year old to go on tv to be a singer

Wow, this is a new low in making someone else's tragedy all about you.

Exactly this. It is never the fault of the supportive family who turn themselves inside out to help the addict.

Amy Winehouse said if she could give it all back to have a normal life she would have. Take note fame hungry people.

Thank you. We try our best!

No one can predict how anyone's life is going to turn out. There's so many variables, so many split decisions that can change the course of your life no matter how old you are.

Thank you.

The outcome seemed inevitable.

We have to be strong in not blaming ourselves. Adults make their own choices. The adults around him also make their choices.

I highly doubt she meant that, people that want that sort of life, have that sort of life.

There are plenty of pop stars/musicians/actors that you dont see falling out of cars and clubs and splashed all over headlines all the time. Some people need the validation of it all and that is the source. If she wasnt famous she may well have had the sort of life tht many posters write about on here of people they go NC with because they cant cope with the drama of.

Im not sure though why people seem to be misinterpreting the OP, I dont think she is making anything about her, she is seems simply thinking about how we protect young people from seeking out and having dysfunctional outcomes in their lives, not necessarily about it being from fame and fortune or on the telly or something like that

Most children won’t grow up to be a member of one of the most successful boybands in the world so your post doesn’t really make sense

As a parent this type of thing scares me a lot. Both of my children have been involved in the performing arts, one hs been mentally scarred by the dance world already, the other is starting to be successful in music but thankfully not in the fame way, he is forging a career as an MD/session musician/keyboard player.

I read the post this morning from his bandmate which mentioned perfect pitch. That immediately set alarm bells ringing and I now discover he had ADHD and potentially autism. Sadly those with these two conditions are far more likely to find thigs hard. Self medication with drugs or alcohol is common and they have an addictive personality and mental health struggles as I have seen in my own children.

I feel so much for his parents and his little boy. It's incredibly sad.

I was surprised to hear Matt Cardle had struggled, MH issues aside he was older & grounded. If fame affects those like him negatively goodness knows how the very young fare.

If Geri had left Spice Girls in social media days too etc…Everyone has a breaking point.

100%. Social media is toxic.

Yeah she seemed to be someone who enjoyed working with her talent but hated the fame that came with it. George Michael was like that after the initial few years of Wham and lots of the talented actors would rather go without the fame, they just enjoy their craft, not the celebrity it comes with.

In 40/50 years time society will be horrified at how we have exposed our children to social media.

@NoaVic that's tragic and I'm sorry. I've lost both a father and a brother to suicide so I recognise the pain.

However, thrusting a young boy into that world at 14 with unlimited money, unlimited access to drugs, the constant need for fame, the shallow idiots that surround you add another layer of dysfunction altogether.

In educational institutions we are constantly graded and inspected on our safeguarding processes but yet 14 year olds can enter this festering pit of vipers and no inspections or questions are asked at all! It's madness!

@Demonhunter good post, I think George M saw himself in Amy, in his Desert Island Discs, he predicted she might not make it.

The entertainment industry is exactly that, an industry with the making-of money at the heart of it. Every decade has its tragedies, the list is long, Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, Judy Garland, Brian Jones, Kurt Cobain, Amy Winehouse, Whitney Houston are just a few names that spring to mind. The industry chews them up and spits them out, many use substances to cope with the punishing schedules, the touring and the general unreality of life in the rarified atmosphere of fame and adulation. To many on the outside it looks as if they are living the dream, but there really is dark side to fame and for most people I am sure it is very hard to cope with. What we have today of course is the 24 hour scrutiny and the appalling piles on via social media where all and sundry can say the most vicious and vile things.

Its akin to sending them up chimneys quite frankly

As a teacher, I would say we need to redress the balance . Less social media, and trying to focus children's attention off themselves. I am fully behind more awareness of mental health but in some cases it is making children more inward looking and the escalation between normal feelings of "I'm feeling a bit nervous/sad/fed up and "I don't want to be here anymore" is so quick

Thank you.

Yes, part of my professional role involves safeguarding. I was horrified by the GP’s lack of evaluating records, tracking prescriptions and monitoring actions when compared with education.

The verdict was misadventure.