Would this put you off someone?

[Fe13]

I used to see someone around 5/6 years ago. At the time, I ended up feeling like it wasn’t right for me, even though we did get on and have fun but I let him know this and he turned a bit sour.

We are both now single parents. He has a set of twin babies who are 8 months old who he has for half the week and I have a 3 year old. He got back in touch a few weeks ago saying it would be good to have a catch up. We have been getting on well after messages. I thought maybe he might have matured a bit aswell since we last saw each other.

However, I’ve just read a message he sent me last night offering to take me out for something to eat and was asking where I like to go. Straight after though he said ‘or I could just come over to yours, I’ll order us a takeaway and we can watch a movie.’ I just can’t believe he’s asking to come over to my house after I haven’t seen him for nearly 6 years. I would have been happy to maybe go for the date. His text also said ‘I don’t mind either way, just would be good to see you again’ ended with a winky face.

I haven’t dated for a long time tbh since me and my Dds split up. Is this a red flag?

I don't see anything wrong with that, it's not like you don't know him at all. If he comes round and tries it on that's different, but you're just presuming and if he does you can put him in his place.
I'd just reply and say you'd rather go out, this time, if he has twins money maybe an issue.

He did nothing wrong.

Perhaps he's offering an alternative that allows for your 3yo as well. Trying to be helpful?

I did tell him I have the Sunday available as does he. It was just the winky face, I thought maybe he was implying something? I suppose I’m just a bit wary

Well what's been discussed, trying a potential relationship or FWB?

If FWB and you already know each other quite well I suppose no point standing on ceremony.

The winky face and night in suggest this may be what he has in mind (and it kind of makes sense if he has such little twins he might not be in the market for serious).

I'd clarify what he's looking for but bear in mind that men looking to show you they may be serious about you don't just offer a night in off the bat. Could be coming from a good place, two busy newish parents who already know each other, but I get the impression he's after fun.

He is definitely hoping to get back into a sexual relationship asap, and if he can skip the preliminary dating all the better. I suppose it depends how you feel about that?

Bin him off, winky face says he's looking for sex.

Yeah, it's not whether it's red flag just to want casual. it's about being clear about what each are looking for. make sure you're asking.

OP,
He sounds presumptuous and is looking for a shag.
Twins of 8 months and he has split up?
He sounds like a real prize🙄.
Don't have him over to your home.
Meet him out of your home.
Beware of single dads looking for single mother to dump their children on.

Honestly OP, block him and move on. You have a 3 year old - why on earth would you get involved with an ex who needs a woman to parent 8 month old twins ????
Do not go there or you will be on here in 2 years time telling us how awful your life is.
Find someone with no kids, date them, take it slow.

The winky face tied into the suggestion of coming to yours and him having 8 months old babies....

No, avoid. Not a good idea, he sounds like a chancer.

Never go backwards. Plus this sounds complicated. And he likely thinks he has a fast pass into your knickers. Suggesting your house is showing how little effort he's going to put into this... Wouldn't you rather see someone who's gonna treat you like you are special, take you out and try to impress you? Keep your standards high

Yes it would put me off. It's pretty clear what he's after. Of course if you raise it with him he will come across all horrified, and say he was thinking of making things "easier" for you. But fact is, if he wanted to build something with you he would take you on a date.

Tbh I wouldn't also be getting involved with someone with twins under a year old! That's a lot to take on if it did turn into a serious relationship.

If you want something casual with him then go ahead. But if you're looking for a partner I wouldn't go for this one.

Too messy, he has tiny babies (2 of them) and you have a toddler.

My first thought was the new part time single dad is looking for a woman to pick up the slack at home, I suspect the first thing he's done is run through the names in his figurative black book.

This.

and he turned a bit sour

In my experience, unless they've done some work on themselves (most don't!), the moody, petty, childish idiots remain moody, petty and childish, also idiotic 😊

Bear this in mind, should you decide to go on a date and then bin him again

PS...I wouldn't invite him into my home right now, til I know more

He's looking for a hook up with out the hassle of dating. You ended it for a reason.

Red flag, red alert. He's ran through his past relations for someone who fits in what he wants, it's an easy route to a childminder who will also provide sex and hopefully without having to do any dating. Who minds the twins when he's working?

I had a brief relationship with this guy once, didn't work out, both had things going on in our lives

He and I both went on to have children with other people and relationship breakdown

We got back together 4 years after our first relationship and we have been together 11 years, love the bones of him

I would go for a meal and a catch up before you have him coming round your house just to see if there is anything there, make sure the reasons you didn't stay together last time are not still on the table - but from experience, yeah go for it

You dated him and it 'went sour'. He has been unable to sustain a relationship where he fathered twins beyond their babyhood and he has made it clear he wants to meet up for sex. There would need to be a severe shortage of men and I'd need to want one very badly to consider him an option.

Don’t go back over old ground with anyone. Whatever put you off last time will put you off this time x

Nah.

Already split from mother of 8 month olds 🚩

Cant even be arsed to suggest a proper date 🚩

I would say 99% likelihood that he is looking for a shag. With the potential that you might also help him look after the twin babies.

If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt - suggest that you only want to date away from your homes, as you want to keep children and relationships very separate. You are uncomfortable with dates being in your child’s home until it is clear that it’s going to be a long-term relationship. Suggest going for a coffee/lunch during the daytime, when you are both child free. See what his reaction is like.

Yup, he thought who do I know where I might not have to put the graft in and who is good with young kids.

If you had been right for each other it would have happened 5-6 years ago and you would likely be the mother of his children.

it wasn’t then and definitely isn’t now. Your ick is valid.