Would this put you off someone?

[Fe13]

I used to see someone around 5/6 years ago. At the time, I ended up feeling like it wasn’t right for me, even though we did get on and have fun but I let him know this and he turned a bit sour.

We are both now single parents. He has a set of twin babies who are 8 months old who he has for half the week and I have a 3 year old. He got back in touch a few weeks ago saying it would be good to have a catch up. We have been getting on well after messages. I thought maybe he might have matured a bit aswell since we last saw each other.

However, I’ve just read a message he sent me last night offering to take me out for something to eat and was asking where I like to go. Straight after though he said ‘or I could just come over to yours, I’ll order us a takeaway and we can watch a movie.’ I just can’t believe he’s asking to come over to my house after I haven’t seen him for nearly 6 years. I would have been happy to maybe go for the date. His text also said ‘I don’t mind either way, just would be good to see you again’ ended with a winky face.

I haven’t dated for a long time tbh since me and my Dds split up. Is this a red flag?

So he "turned a bit sour" when you ended it, and is now looking for sex, childcare AND a place to live. Fucking hell OP, don't even entertain shit like this.

There are indeed.
What has this man done to indicate he's become one of these men in the past 5 years, in the time that has passed since it sounds like op knew him well and spent a lot of time with him? I assume he didn't try to move into her house back then, or do anything else untoward since she seems open to seeing him again.

There are also a lot of completely normal men who don't scrutinise their messages and run them through a Mumsnet batshittery filter before sending them.
Again. What has he actually said that indicates anything more than a desire to reconnect?

i thought it was just a meal/takeaway
some of you run away with yourselves imo

I have to be blunt. What the hell are you thinking even entertaining this??

This is a guy you haven't seen in 6 YEARS asking to come over for a shag. No, its not a date. Eliminate that possibility. He is trying his luck.

If that's what you want, cool. BUT, please consider things are now not the same and you have a 3yr old in the house! Does you really know this man well enough to let him in your house, realistically overnight, around your kid? Happy for your child to see this 100% stranger at breakfast time? What is he refuses to leave? What if he pressures you into something? Sorry, but this is highly irresponsible IMO. You don't know him well enough (anymore) to know what his prerogative is here.

INSIST on a number of dates first, I beg you, and only think about having him in yours and your child's home environment much further down the line.

I wouldn’t like that, it’s too forward and presumptuous with coming to your safe space and with the winky face, it would put me on off

This. He didn't even offer to have you over his. I think it's rude to just invite yourself over anyway - presumably he can't be arsed cooking or tidying his own place up, so you can play hostess.

At what age do his twins need to be before he’s allowed to date again?

That wouldn't put me off particularly - I'd read it as him offering an alternative way you could meet up if you can't get childcare.

However what I would have my suspensions about is an ex with very young baby twins getting in contact. There's high potential for this to be about getting help with the babies rather than specifically wanting a relationship with you. Particularly as he's already dropped a message about how hard it is with 2!

@Fe13 run for the hills! I am a twin mum and the best piece of advice we received during the utterly relentless and soul breaking first year was ‘don’t make any decisions about your relationship until they’re at least 1’…because it’s so fucking hard and we’d all be single parents otherwise!!!

He’s in a world of pain, possibly likely to rekindle with the twins mother, and its mess you don’t need to get involved in.

Do a clares law request on him before he is aloud round. You have no idea what he could have done in the last 6 years

Also twin mum here too

I can’t imagine a woman leaves her children’s dad when they are 8 months old without good reason - that alone would be a red flag for me. & no before anyone asks I wouldn’t judge a single mother of an 8 month old the same, because she would rarely be lightning her parental load by divorcing rather increasing it!

Thanks everyone, just to update, he's now gone very quiet and saying he's very busy etc. Doesn't seem interested now!

And this is why it's done?

Your bar is low. You need to work on your self esteem.

Yes.
You didn't immediately respond omg you poor thing. Come to me now with your suitcase. You can move in and fuck me and I'll take care of your children for you.
So he's probably put a line through your name and moved on to the next name on his list of potential cocklodger friendly accommodation.

Booty call!

id just block him.