Would this put you off someone?

[Fe13]

I used to see someone around 5/6 years ago. At the time, I ended up feeling like it wasn’t right for me, even though we did get on and have fun but I let him know this and he turned a bit sour.

We are both now single parents. He has a set of twin babies who are 8 months old who he has for half the week and I have a 3 year old. He got back in touch a few weeks ago saying it would be good to have a catch up. We have been getting on well after messages. I thought maybe he might have matured a bit aswell since we last saw each other.

However, I’ve just read a message he sent me last night offering to take me out for something to eat and was asking where I like to go. Straight after though he said ‘or I could just come over to yours, I’ll order us a takeaway and we can watch a movie.’ I just can’t believe he’s asking to come over to my house after I haven’t seen him for nearly 6 years. I would have been happy to maybe go for the date. His text also said ‘I don’t mind either way, just would be good to see you again’ ended with a winky face.

I haven’t dated for a long time tbh since me and my Dds split up. Is this a red flag?

Agree, this is icky. If you both want to see how the land lies, then go out on a proper date without children and see what happens, not meet up at yours for a shag.

Thanks everyone for your replies. It seems he’s also looking for somewhere else to rent too. No idea where he’s staying at the moment

He couldn’t be more obvious! So he’s after moving in with you. That’s why he wants a house date, to case out where they’d all sleep!

Hmm, 8 month old twins and nowhere to live? I'd be swerving this one so hard I'd be halfway to Egypt. He's looking for childcare, a new house, and a shag. Seriously, step away fast.

Be said “l don’t mind either way”. OP, l take this that he is just keen to see you. He is giving you the options to make life easier.

Maybe he is considering potential child care issues for you?

Came here to say this!

He left twin babies. That's a red flag.

He's the whole package!
No where to live, two babies that he needs to find someone to look after for free, wants to get his leg over.
No one falls in love faster than a man like this.
I wouldn’t touch him with a shitty stick.

I'll bet🙄.

" No man as loving, as one looking for a home🙄😁

It's the 8 month old babies that would put me off, not the movie night...

He thinks he can move in with you and you can be his live in babysitter . Block him

Bloody hell this poor bloke, we don't know when he split with his ex, it might have been before she even knew she was pregnant. He sounds like he's pulling his weight and being a good dad.

We also don't know what his living situation is, I would assume he is probably moving to somewhere more suitable for 2 kids who are going to start wreaking havoc soon.

Has he ever asked op to do childcare for him? All he's done wrong is using the wrong smiley and suggested a takeaway and evening in as an alternative to going out. If I want a proper catch-up with someone I'd far prefer takeaway over a noisy pub.

Mumsnet as always had jumped to assuming the worst, quick op get your ducks in a row 🙄

He's looking for a free place to stay and for someone to look after his children for him. He's a CF. Block and move on. Focus on building your life up and not being sidetracked by dicks like this.

you used to see him anyway?
his suggestion of a takeaway sounds reasonable.

He’s not a ‘poor bloke’, he’s asked OP on a date, that doesn’t mean she has to accept, she has every right to be cautious of his motives and decide she doesn’t trust them. Men aren’t owed ‘a chance’, and even if they were, he’s already had one.

So after 5/6 years it's okay just to pick up where you left. Don't think so - also OP said he was 'sour' at the break up and we don't know what that entailed.

Yeah, she knows him and has every right to do what she thinks is right for her.
"Poor bloke" was my response to all the randoms on the internet judging him for suggesting takeaway as an option, moving house and having broken up with the mother of his children. None of those things are red flags! You're all piling on like he turned up with kids and bags and expected her to take them in, then hopped into her bed uninvited and ate all her favourite biscuits.

Wouldn't most people be disappointed if they thought things were going well and the other person called it off with vague reasons? I'd probably come across as a bit sour if I thought things were great (op said they got on well and were having fun) and then was told 'no this isn't working'

Op seemed pleased so hear from him so no, not weird? As above, it's not like he just turned up on her doorstep, they've started chatting and are getting on well and op was happy at the suggestion of a date. He suggested takeaway and I'm a bit confused that op didn't just say 'nah let's go out', that's what I do if I have a preference on plans with anyone.

The winking face would make me think he's looking for more than a chat and a catch up!
Also, baby twins and comments about how hard two babies are compared to one. I'd think he's looking for someone to lighten his load and sex on tap to boot! Stay as friends would be my advice.

They may not be red flags to you, but to others, with different experiences, they may well be.

Literally anything could be a red flag to someone who had a bad experience.
Someone you have known for years suggesting takeaway as an option instead of going out is incredibly normal.
People use winking smileys all the time.
Moving house is not weird. He hasn't said anything that we know of to indicate anything other than that he is house hunting. That is a normal thing to speak about.
He said twins are hard. That is also a normal thing to say.

What has he done that indicates in ops situation that he has any sinister intent at all? It sounds like he's keen to reconnect and see how things go.

No I wouldn’t like that at all. He’s trying to suss if he can get laid. Trashy move on his part.

You don’t invite yourself over to someone’s house in the early stages of dating. It’s so presumptuous and disrespectful. I’d lose interest if a guy did this to me.

Classic hobosexual tactic.
No man falls in love as fast as one who needs somewhere to live.

There's some kind of accommodation emergency - such as landlord wanting to evict them, needs to move out of parents, arguments with flatmates.
They then apply emotional pressure on whatever woman they happen to be seeing at the time (preferably one with their own home) and claim it'll only be for a couple of months until they find somewhere else. Then they are in and it's very difficult to shift them.
Often there follows an employment emergency such as work colleagues or manager bullying them, made redundant, quits job because they can't stand it any more etc. Then you have a full-on cocklodger living with you.

Add on the twins who need somewhere to live with him for half a week and him finding it difficult to manage them and then you start to see a picture of what his possible intentions are trying to hook up with someone he was with 5-6 years ago and split up with.

I don't care if some people on here think "poor man" and so on and so forth and there aren't any red flags. More fool you if you'd put up with this sort of thing. It's not just about that one date where he wanted to go round to hers for movie night and a takeaway and a shag rather than going out somewhere.

The OP needs to look at the bigger picture here. And also ask herself why she thinks this can work with 3 children in the mix when it didn't even work before any of these children were born.

Block him.

He either wants a quick fuck or a roof over his head, maid service and someone to take care of his twins.

You realise there are men out there who are just after sex with minimal effort? Men that look for a woman to help him with childcare? These men are not incredibly rare, they’re out there, so his behaviour could be an indication that he is one of these men. It is not unreasonable to consider this.