Would this put you off someone?

[Fe13]

I used to see someone around 5/6 years ago. At the time, I ended up feeling like it wasn’t right for me, even though we did get on and have fun but I let him know this and he turned a bit sour.

We are both now single parents. He has a set of twin babies who are 8 months old who he has for half the week and I have a 3 year old. He got back in touch a few weeks ago saying it would be good to have a catch up. We have been getting on well after messages. I thought maybe he might have matured a bit aswell since we last saw each other.

However, I’ve just read a message he sent me last night offering to take me out for something to eat and was asking where I like to go. Straight after though he said ‘or I could just come over to yours, I’ll order us a takeaway and we can watch a movie.’ I just can’t believe he’s asking to come over to my house after I haven’t seen him for nearly 6 years. I would have been happy to maybe go for the date. His text also said ‘I don’t mind either way, just would be good to see you again’ ended with a winky face.

I haven’t dated for a long time tbh since me and my Dds split up. Is this a red flag?

If it was a woman with 8 month old twins most mumsnetters would advise her to not to rush round to an exes house and to go out on a proper date, if I was advising I'd say not to date anyone if your babies were 8 months old,

Chances are this bloke is after childcare and a quick shag. If hes split up with someone with 8 month old babies somthing went seriously wrong. I'd put my money on him being dumped as most women dont want to raise small babies on their own, nevermind twins

I left my ex when my son was 8 months old and it wasnt a light decision.

I love men, but I'm not naive. And to your (slightly tedious) 'but what if it was a woman' scenario, if a mum with 8mo twins was angling for hook-ups, I'd be both astonished and impressed at her energy, but would still not encourage it with an ex like the one OP describes.

He's looking for a new mum for his babies.

Why are they not with their mum, btw??

Run like the wind.

She said they're with the mum half the week.

He wants to get his leg over, preferably by making as little effort as possible, however he will go through the motions of taking you out on a date if he must. But he has an expectation of sex 😉 at yours.

If you're really lucky OP, you'll be his mum and his twin babies monther too (interesting timing for him to be getting back in touch now he has twins to look after for half the week!) .

Come on OP. You know where this road goes..

It's his 8 month old twins that would put me off. Parents of young ones need help. I wouldn't want to provide that.

I'd say he's properly looking for sex with as little effort as possible. But even if I'm wrong and he does want to date you would you really want to get involved with a guy who's got 8 month old twins.. sounds messy.

Oh yes even if you don’t know the bloke and have met them online, they will be angling to come to your place aka a shag as soon as possible.

Are you asking for madness op? Why oh why would you want to date someone who has 8mo twins??
Wide massive swerve.

He has 8 months twins, has split up from the mother already and is looking for sex.

I thought that too! Why on earth would anyone willingly choose to get involved in that situation is mind boggling

You've had some good text exchanges, however he has now committed a faux pas - but it's not iredeemable. You've had some good insight here and you're now going in with your eyes open. Why not have that drink and see if he puts in the requisite effort and follows dating decorum? Just don't be serving desert just yet.

This.

The relationship in whatever form you're envisaging hasn't even (re) started and he's being massively off-putting in his messages - it's not going to get better, just swerve.

As another poster says the babies only being eight months old and him already having not only split up with their mother but gone out of his way to initiate contact with ex girlfriend (s) doesn't bode particularly well either.

Thanks but no thanks I think.

I mean, regardless of whether he's a genuine and nice person or not, which none of us can know, the fact is he's already annoying you, OP. You have no real ties or obligations to this person, he's already irritating you and getting your back up: just cut your losses here.

having witnessed a friend who has twins dealing with them both getting d&v at the same time, vaccinations at the same time, teething at the same time... he's right? it's relentless enough with one, I can't begin to imagine what dealing with 2 that little would be like with no backup.

Are you just looking for issues? This is the problem with txting this could be tongue in cheek, it could be serious. I’m pretty positive 2 is harder but then I’d reply something back along the lines of - ha you would think, but all depends on the babies and the parent 😜
You either like him and want to give it a go or you don’t. You haven’t met up yet and you are seeing issues. Be honest you are both adults with children. Hey tbh I’d rather do x until we see how things go. Dont want to jump right back in.

Forget the winky face, I'd be more concerned as to how / why "he turned a bit sour" last time you broke thongs off!!

This, 100%. I can't believe you were even considering it OP.

He is probably looking for a someone to step in and help with 8 month old twins. Definitely wouldn't pursue this one.

Far too much baggage ,

He has them half the week. He's not a full time dad. I don't know your friend but imagine like any one else with 8 month old twins, any time when you don't have them = sleep. More so after double D&V or when they are teething Not winky faces to an ex. Especially an ex with one child that he then complains "has it easy".

no idea, without knowing how the kids are none of us have any idea, moving between households might be very unsettling and the half week might be hell on earth.
he was just making conversation. OP's child is older, to me it reads as him saying someone with one eight month old and another parent there has it easier than one person with eight month old twins. Sorry but that's likely to be true, by the time they're that big it's hard to hold and comfort both at once if they're cross.

I don't really see what the big issue is here, OP said he was fun and obviously liked him before but seems to be wobbling because he offered to come to hers and get a takeaway, used a winking smiley and said twins are hard. She should say 'no I'd rather go out' if that's what she wants and say 'oh dear I hope they get easier soon' about the twins being hard?

But she said she was free on Sunday, one would assume this meant she had already sorted childcare was was ready to go out. The I can come round, we can order a takeaway is presumptuous and lazy. The wink wink definitely implies he is after sex.

As a parent of twins, I cannot imagine how you would be ready to date ( or order takeaway round a ex girlfriends place) when they are 8 months.

Reasons I would be put off - assuming no effort sex, having to listen to 'having it easy with one kid' comments because it won't be the last. High possiblity of being guilted into help/childcare etc.

Also, we need more information on him being a little 'sour' over the break up.

I am partial to a “house date” but the winky face is a bit icky!

I would not reconnect with him.

Your relationship did not work out, he went on to have two young children and that relationship did not work out either...he really does not sound like a catch.

I would also think that the fact that he wants to come to your place immediately is just because he thinks he will be able to get sex easily.

Frankly you deserve better.