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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex squeezed water bottle while teen DD was drinking it

106 replies

Alasia2023 · 18/10/2024 07:44

This is is more of a rant than an aibu, but I am wondering whether I should've down more.

Backstory - was with ex for 8 years, split up last year but he sort of hangs round a fair bit. He has no friends or family and so far hasn't caused me any harm, is helpful sometimes and my children (they're not his bio children) get on with him so I don't see an issue.

I bumped into him at the supermarket yesterday afternoon just before collecting my DS and DD from school, and he was still chatting to me when the kids arrived.

My DD (she's 16) arrived and said she was thirsty so my ex offered a bottle of water from his van (sealed and brand new) so she said he's and thanks.

He gave her the water bottle, made a stupid joke about only drinking once from it but it was clearly sealed so she laughed that off, but then she helped down about half the bottle, went to take it from her mouth and my ex reached over and squeezed the bottle!

I felt awful but it happened so fast that I didn't have time to react.

My DD handled it well, a bit shocked but laughed it off.

I was fuming, but as he was laughing all I could do was say how stupid it was, but I think I should've been angrier and told him what a dickish thing he'd done.

He just kept saying over and over "it's just water" and "it's funny". At one point I said it wasn't, it was bully behaviour and he told me not to be stupid.

After my daughter had wiped her face I got her into the car, she half jokingly said she'd been cold so that hadn't helped but even that didn't make my ex feel bad and he didn't apologise.

Should I have done more? I feel awful. My daughter forgot about it once we were in the car and when it happened she did that 'shocked face with a bit of a laugh thing' but it baffles me he thought it was funny and I wonder whether he offered the water knowing he was going to do that or whether it was a spur of the moment things, not that it matters which it was...

OP posts:
offyoujollywelltrot · 18/10/2024 07:46

Throw some water in his face and see how he likes it. Tell him it was funny.

HazelPlayer · 18/10/2024 07:47

I'm not sure what more you could really have done.

I just wouldn't ever have contact with him again.

He sounds like he has the maturity level of a 4 yr old.
And that's insulting some 4 yr olds.

PolaroidPrincess · 18/10/2024 07:48

You need to stop being his friend. Sounds like he hasn't got his own friends for a very good reason.

Maray1967 · 18/10/2024 07:49

PolaroidPrincess · 18/10/2024 07:48

You need to stop being his friend. Sounds like he hasn't got his own friends for a very good reason.

Thus. He’s a total idiot. Just steer clear.

Unless you want one more meeting to throw a bottle of water in his face as suggested above …

GretchenWienersHair · 18/10/2024 07:49

It was a stupid, misguided joke. Annoying, but hardly the crime of the century. Just count your lucky stars you and your DD don’t have to live with such daft pranks anymore.

HazelPlayer · 18/10/2024 07:49

You dd saw you being angry and objecting at the time.
You have probably backed that up already by telling her that itbwas ridiculous, deeply immature, verging on bullying behaviour..if not, i'd say that and say that you won't be entertaining him further.

HazelPlayer · 18/10/2024 07:50

He has no friends

His personality is probably the reason.

ZippyLimeSnake · 18/10/2024 07:51

I think if she found it funny no harm done?
Considering the length of time you was with him, is this in his usual behaviour?

It’s definitely something my DP would do to our eldest & visa versa & both would have found it funny.

Bestyearever2024 · 18/10/2024 07:51

he sort of hangs round a fair bit. He has no friends or family and so far hasn't caused me any harm, is helpful sometimes and my children (they're not his bio children) get on with him so I don't see an issue

Now there's an issue

I'd stop seeing him

Edingril · 18/10/2024 07:52

Why would you have this around your children that are not his?

Andthesky · 18/10/2024 07:52

GretchenWienersHair · 18/10/2024 07:49

It was a stupid, misguided joke. Annoying, but hardly the crime of the century. Just count your lucky stars you and your DD don’t have to live with such daft pranks anymore.

This.
Just sounds like he was being a bit silly. Got it a bit wrong. Not the end of the world.

coffeesaveslives · 18/10/2024 07:52

Sounds a bit like a prank gone wrong rather than anything too serious. I'm sure I'll be shot down in flames for that though!

Yes, he should have apologised if it didn't go down the way it was intended but I don't think it's the awful crime it's being made out to be.

Genevive24 · 18/10/2024 07:53

It’s stupid, but I don’t think it’s bullying. Especially as she didn’t seem that bothered and quickly forgot about it. It was a silly childish prank but I wouldn’t overthink it.
By all means spend less time with him though.

HazelPlayer · 18/10/2024 07:53

but it baffles me he thought it was funny and I wonder whether he offered the water knowing he was going to do that or whether it was a spur of the moment things, not that it matters which it was...

Probably spur of the moment, who knows.

I've encountered men like this, they're usually not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

Occasionally they are (supposedly) intelligent but perhaps on the spectrum.

All you can do is try to stay away from them, if you're lucky enough not to be related to one.

spiritgoat · 18/10/2024 07:54

GretchenWienersHair · 18/10/2024 07:49

It was a stupid, misguided joke. Annoying, but hardly the crime of the century. Just count your lucky stars you and your DD don’t have to live with such daft pranks anymore.

I agree with this

HazelPlayer · 18/10/2024 07:54

Especially as she didn’t seem that bothered and quickly forgot about

That's her youth though

I think we all see things differently and react to things differently as we age.

CameronStrike · 18/10/2024 07:55

Why are you keeping this loser around? Time to cut loose.

ahemfem · 18/10/2024 07:56

Stop hanging around with him. I don't know why you're doing it but he's a dick

Edingril · 18/10/2024 07:57

Andthesky · 18/10/2024 07:52

This.
Just sounds like he was being a bit silly. Got it a bit wrong. Not the end of the world.

A perfectly normal person does a one off thing like this fine there is no way I think he is like this though

TheNoodlesIncident · 18/10/2024 07:57

coffeesaveslives · 18/10/2024 07:52

Sounds a bit like a prank gone wrong rather than anything too serious. I'm sure I'll be shot down in flames for that though!

Yes, he should have apologised if it didn't go down the way it was intended but I don't think it's the awful crime it's being made out to be.

My BF did that to me, in front of a ferry load of tourists. I wasn't impressed at the time but it is just a silly prank, and it's definitely not bullying behaviour unless it's part of a pattern rather than a one-off joke.

But he's your ex, so you don't have to see him at all if you don't want to. You find him annoying and immature, so stop bothering with him.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 18/10/2024 07:58

Maybe she found it funny. Maybe she pretended to find it funny because she has to get on with him because you are keeping him in your life.

PP had it exactly right. Don't be friends with him because you feel sorry for him.

DrinkElephants · 18/10/2024 08:04

GretchenWienersHair · 18/10/2024 07:49

It was a stupid, misguided joke. Annoying, but hardly the crime of the century. Just count your lucky stars you and your DD don’t have to live with such daft pranks anymore.

This.

jannier · 18/10/2024 08:04

It's the sort of stupid thing young lads do in their crowd.
Is he twelve?
Why hang around with an ex giving him hope?

Errors · 18/10/2024 08:06

You are over reacting. Yes, what he did was annoying but not really worth this much angst over.

Singleandproud · 18/10/2024 08:08

He was stupid and immature but it was harmless. It's the kind of thing teens do because they think it's hilarious.

I wouldn't get so riled up about it though, it's just a good reminder of why he is an ex thats all. By giving this headspace you are allowing him to win. If he had jogged her hand whilst drinking a hot drink or squeezed a coffee cup tha would be a bit difference but this really isn't worth your worry and anger.