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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex squeezed water bottle while teen DD was drinking it

106 replies

Alasia2023 · 18/10/2024 07:44

This is is more of a rant than an aibu, but I am wondering whether I should've down more.

Backstory - was with ex for 8 years, split up last year but he sort of hangs round a fair bit. He has no friends or family and so far hasn't caused me any harm, is helpful sometimes and my children (they're not his bio children) get on with him so I don't see an issue.

I bumped into him at the supermarket yesterday afternoon just before collecting my DS and DD from school, and he was still chatting to me when the kids arrived.

My DD (she's 16) arrived and said she was thirsty so my ex offered a bottle of water from his van (sealed and brand new) so she said he's and thanks.

He gave her the water bottle, made a stupid joke about only drinking once from it but it was clearly sealed so she laughed that off, but then she helped down about half the bottle, went to take it from her mouth and my ex reached over and squeezed the bottle!

I felt awful but it happened so fast that I didn't have time to react.

My DD handled it well, a bit shocked but laughed it off.

I was fuming, but as he was laughing all I could do was say how stupid it was, but I think I should've been angrier and told him what a dickish thing he'd done.

He just kept saying over and over "it's just water" and "it's funny". At one point I said it wasn't, it was bully behaviour and he told me not to be stupid.

After my daughter had wiped her face I got her into the car, she half jokingly said she'd been cold so that hadn't helped but even that didn't make my ex feel bad and he didn't apologise.

Should I have done more? I feel awful. My daughter forgot about it once we were in the car and when it happened she did that 'shocked face with a bit of a laugh thing' but it baffles me he thought it was funny and I wonder whether he offered the water knowing he was going to do that or whether it was a spur of the moment things, not that it matters which it was...

OP posts:
Alasia2023 · 18/10/2024 18:04

HarkALark · 18/10/2024 17:56

OP, I'm sorry but your response is ridiculously wet. Grow a backbone for God's sake.

Sorry about that! :/

OP posts:
ThatTealViewer · 18/10/2024 18:38

Alasia2023 · 18/10/2024 17:31

I get it. I really do. I mean, reading all the replies on her it's pretty split between I'm over reacting and it's just a joke, and he's a manipulative bully and this is what goes on in my head
I left because I thought he was abusive and manipulative but stayed for eight years prior to that because "what if" he wasn't.

You're right, I need to trust my instincts and block him.

The responses are most certainly not evenly split. Nowhere near. Why on Earth would you want to pretend they are?

HarkALark · 18/10/2024 18:49

@Alasia2023 I've been with an emotionally abusive ex who used to think stuff like this was hilarious, so I get it, but you've already taught your daughter to prioritise someone else's wellbeing over her own by continually letting this fucking prick back into your home, despite not even being in a relationship with him, and I have no doubt you'll continue to excuse and minimise because you don't want to look like the bad guy.

CeruleanBelt · 18/10/2024 20:21

ThatTealViewer · 18/10/2024 18:38

The responses are most certainly not evenly split. Nowhere near. Why on Earth would you want to pretend they are?

Quite.

It's not an even split at all. Most people think he was wrong. Even the ones who said it's a joke said "if everyone agrees if was funny".

Coalsy · 18/10/2024 20:44

Your poor daughter.
What a childhood.
Abusive men surrounding her.
As for suggesting the replies are 50/50🙄they absolutely are not.
Just the odd few posters on MN who defend men no matter how vile they are.

OP, you need to get real and give some serious honest consideration as to how your daughter will look back on her childhood.
Based on what you have written you could find yourself in a situation where she judges you very harshly, for not protecting her.

That you allowed this abuser into your house again the next day is really unbelievable.

NeckolasCage · 18/10/2024 21:57

I mean this poor girl has already had eight years of this horrible specimen being ‘stepdad’. What a fucking way to grow up!

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